Feel like a fraud for disliking my birth.

[Spaceboundeminem]

I had dc3 at home (my other two were hospital) I wanted a water birth but there was only one or two mad qualified to perform one. Also my area has a low home birth rate.

So I went in to labour and laboured for 32hours alone (all my baby's have been back to back). After 32 hours a midwife came out with a student. The student did most of my monitoring. While she did this she mentioned that all she needed to pass was to deliver a baby and that the past three she had tried had complications meaning she was unable to.

Now when she checked my contractions at first she said they were moderate strength coming every 3 minutes. The qualified me phoned the mw who would need to attend me for my water birth and said contractions are only moderate so there is no point you coming out. I will ring when they are stronger.
After a few hours my contractions were much stronger and I asked to fill the pool. The mw wouldn't let me. She said I can't get in till the other mw was present. Yet even though the student mw kept informing her my contractions were now very strong, she refused to call the other mw. She refused to check me and when the other mw phoned she actually said there has been no change so pointless you coming out. Despite the student mw correcting her saying the contractions are much stronger and there is no break.

I was begging for gas and air but the mw refused to give me it or check me saying I should have a bath instead. I got in the bath and started feeling pressure so I informed her of this and she finally agreed to check me. I was 8cms.
She still refused to call the other mw. When I started pushing the other mw turned up.

She was very angry and said she should have been informed. She came over and gave me gas and air and said for DH to fill the pool.

Then the two qualified mws started arguing over where I was going to deliver the one mw requesting if I gave birth out of water that her student do it.

Dh was desperately trying to fill pool but as I was pushing I told him to stop. The mw with a student was delighted and student mw delivered my baby after 43 hours. I had no stitches yet and the birth was not traumatic.

Yet I feel like she deliberately engineered the situation so her student would deliver my baby even though it meant denying my wishes for a water birth and not giving me pain relief.

Out of my three births this is the only one I am unhappy about. Yet I feel silly being unhappy when I and baby was healthy. But the experience was a very painful one as I was denied gas and air. I feel like a fraud for being upset.

I am about to start ttc dc4 yet while what I want is a home water birth with gas and air I am scared as when I went to hospital I got what I wanted. But on my last home birth my feelings were ignored.

Don't feel like a fraud-this wasn't the experience you wanted and you are disappointed. I don't feel like they engineered the situation for student-it seems to me that the student was the only one advocating for you. They were unprofessional and not compassionate in the slightest.
If I were you I would be having a chat with supervisor of midwives-to go through what happened and have her assurances that it won't happen again.
Also, google one2one midwives and see if they are available in your area-your experience will be fab with them x x

Goodness, I wouldn't be happy with that either. I think it would definitely be worth highlighting to a SoM what happened to you and the issues around waterbirth provision at homebirth. IMO, you shouldn't be attending homebirths if you're not qualified to do waterbirth.

Also it wouldn't have made any difference to the student if you had given birth in water or out of it. She still could have counted it as a delivery as long as she had been the person 'conducting' the birth (ie watching and talking you through it). Sounds like her mentor needs to be brought up to date on that count, as well.

Christ how awful. You should not feel a fraud - why deny pain relief without checking you? Outrageous that you couldn't get into pool either - I would be making a complaint. Best of luck for dc 4!

I agree with Devon I would also make a complaint, your wishes were not respected despite protests from the student mw and 2nd mw, 1st mw would have got a slap if I were you! It does sound like she completely engineered your delivery to suit her own ends. Hope you have exactly the birth you want with no:4,good luck ttc

Thanks all I was and still am very upset. But I do feel guilty as I had no stitches or damage and my baby was very healthy.

Happy healthy baby and mum is paramount but what you want is also important.

Have a chat with head if midwives and maybe ask for some counselling, just to talk it through, so it doesn't weigh on your mind so much.

Have the 4th in hospital.

I gave birth in a pool with a student there.
I don't think they plotted anything but they do sound like they didn't communicate with you so I agree with PP contact pals or som.

I had what to anyone else would be a great birth but like you I felt that midwives had worked to get me to give birth how they wanted rather then how I wanted. It's taken me some time to come to terms with how I feel about the birth. I wish I'd discussed it with the SOM or PALS but at the time did have the energy to do it.

Thank you very much sorry you experienced similar Hazchem I will try and get in touch with those organisations.

I think it's worth it. For me what helped was join the Positive Birth Movement and then working to find all the positive bits of birth and sort of re piecing it together in new light.

I'm currently pregnant and have found a continuity of care model and while it's going to be a home birth which I would like my midwife is respectful, supportive and has the philosophy of birth which is inline with how I want to birth.