Another 'should I have a home birth' thread, questions about afterwards!

[FloweryBoots]

I'm pregnant with number 3 and although initially I said I'd go to hospital for the birth, but I'm wondering if that is really the best option. Number 1 was a bit scary and DH and I were both a bit traumertised after, but it wasn't really that bad in the grand scheme of things. Number 2 flew out. About 1 1/2 or 2 hours of labour, I can't really remember, and we'd been at the hospital under 10 minutes by the time she was in my arms. Couldn't really have asked for better! I could feel my body holding back on the contractions in the car and in the corridors at the hospital so I think it would have been quicker had we not done that journey in, but I also don't really think she'd have come en route had the drive taken longer.

With no.2 I had a few contractions that were 20 minutes appart, then they jumped to 5 minutes and soon were pretty much just on the back of each other. So from contractions 5 mins appart to birth was not at all long, which makes me wonder whether we'd be better of staying at home for the next one in case it's even quicker rather than struggle to get to the hospital.

BUT. My husband is a pretty anxious person and will not be at all comfortable with a HB, and I need him to feel confident so he can be the best support to me. And a big part of why I'd prefer to go to hospital is afterwards. Sounds really selfish but everything will just be there in that tiny space on hand for a few hours or a day, people will bring food to you, and someone will look after our 2 kiddies somewhere else, bring them for a suitable length visit and then take them away again! (gosh I feel bad saying that, but I think I will just want to concentrate on baby alone for just a wee while). At home, none of that will be quite so simple, especially getting time without DC1 and 2.

Those of you who had home births, how did you find those first hours/first day afterwards? Did anyone take your children out of the way for a while? Was you OH on top of pandering to your every whim and letting you stay in bed and be waited on?!! (I don't think mine would be terribly good at that, but I'm probably being a little harsh).

I think your reasons for wanting to be in hospital sound pretty reasonable. I had a HB with DS2, which was right for us, but I must admit that my parents brought the other children back home about 2 hours after the birth and I ended up getting up to make them a cup of tea (!) and nearly fainted! I still wouldn't have wanted to be in hospital though - ideally I'd have got a cab with a wetnurse and nanny to a nice seaside retreat for a month or so, but that wasn't on the cards.

Don't know how old your youngest is but I dont recall being looked after and having food brought to me after going to the ward! Breakfast in the day room. Shared loos. Uncomfy beds!

Tbh given the speed of delivery I think a planned hb is wise. You are likely to end up with an accidental one otherwise and that's far more scary.

Good luck!

Hi I'm pregnant with dc3 and planning a homebirth for similar reasons to you.
But I'm thinking the after bit will be much better at home. A decent cup of tea in my cup, nice toast, a shower in my shower with my stuff then tucked up either in my bed or on my sofa with my little baby. Visitors whenever I want them (I like getting visitors in the early days) Nice home cooked food instead of vile hospital food and my older dc not being too disrupted. No bossy midwives bursting in at 3am demanding I prove the baby is feeding well. Tbh I'm struggling to see any disadvantages.

I had a home birth with my third. The local hospital don't keep you in more than a few hours anyway so wanted to stay at home.
Exh was/is quite an anxious person but when we discussed it trusted me to have weighed up the pros and cons and be making the right decision for me. Now he his a huge home birth supporter and will happily spend ages chatting to anyone who asks.
In the end the older two had gone to school and nursery shortly before ds2 made an appearance. They had been in the house asleep when I went into labpur and I had people mil and a close friend on stand by to take them away if needed. As it happened my friend breakfasted them and got them off to school.
It was great at home tbh. I was able to eat and drink when I wanted far more freedom.
Exh was not very domesticated but stepped up to the mark with bringing me food and drinks when I needed and I stayed cocooned in my nest all day with the new baby. My friend collected the children from school early to come home and meet their new brother. I felt more comfortable using my own bathroom which was a big plus.

I did also have a doula who was a great support to both exh and me. I had 2 babies before and was pretty confident on my own ability there was times ex felt a bit lost but she was great at supporting him and directing him in practical ways to help.
I could go on for hours really. I genuinely dos have 2 positive hospital births with great midwives but they really didn't compare to the home birth in my own environment in terms of comfort, peace and quiet and atmosphere.

The more I think about it, the more I'm inclined to think HB might be the way forward for me. But I suspect pursuading DH will be next to impossible. He is still really quite traumatised from scary birth number 1, but even without that I think would have been very unhappy about the idea. No amount of telling him it's very safe and pointing him to the studys that prove it will make any difference, he just won't get past 'hospital has to be safest, all the staff and kit' etc. Hmmmm. Lots to ponder. And perhaps trying to sit him down for a proper discussion about it. Do you suppose any one gets miffed if you plan a home birth but then just decide when it all starts happening to go to the hospital any way?!

Induction for 1st, blood pressure dropped, episiotomy, forceps, stressed husband.
Home birth fro 2nd, amazing experience.

At a planned home birth you have 2 midwives with you, just for you. Not one in charge of a number of women, who pops in and out and leaves you alone in a room with your husband whilst they deal with others.

I had planned on a pool birth, DH was kept busy in the kitchen filling that and checking temp, whilst I got on with giving birth in the living room! By the time the pool was the right temp, there was no way I was taking off the tens machine to get in it, DS arrived shortly after. It did keep DH busy and focused and stopped him worrying about/over me!

One midwife helped to clean up, checked on baby, whilst the other stayed with me as I had a shower. DS came at 2:30am, I was tucked up in bed by 4am. DD came bounding in at 7am to find her baby brother in the Moses basket by the bed.

Wonderful experience, didn't need anyone to look after DD as she slept straight through it. It was sooooo lovely to be tucked up in my own bed afterwards, not on a ward with other peoples babies crying and disturbing me / DS.

Oh, and DH used to refer to DD's birth as 'the day you nearly died'! He was quite traumatised!!!

You could plan a HB but then decide to go to hospital- no one will mind and it's much easier to change your mind that way than the other. Could your DH come to an antenatal appointment with you and discuss it with the MW? Also, if you know anyone else who has had a HB, maybe see if their DH/DP would be happy to talk to your DH?

Redkites. That's a good idea, thanks. My Mum and sister have had home births (though DH doesn't exactly get on with my BIL so don't think that's a goer!).

Arion, it shouldn't, but your DHs description made me giggle! DH refers to DS birth as the most horrible experience EVER. He gets quite annoyed when I describe the moment they pressed the emergency button as 'cartoon like' (but it was; comically large red button, very dramatic 'we're going to press the button, the room will fill with people' followed by overly dramatasised pressing of said button, at least that's what it seemed like to me, but I may have had quite a lot of gas and air!)

I had a Hb with second DS. It was amazing. Much calmer despite my labour only being 47 minutes and the midwife arriving as he was crowning! I had a lovely shower and toast and was tucked up in my own bed. Later another midwife came and did his newborn checks and we had a cuppa and a chat. It was lovely. My mom took my eldest out for the day, it was an early morning birth.

After was magical!
I had a bath in my own bath while DH and DD1(3) cuddled DD2 and the MW changed the bed.

Then I sat on the bed in the winter sun feeding her and having a 'picnic lunch' with DH and DD1.

About 3pm the DF who had been going to have DD1 appeared (DD1 actual slept through my labour and came in when DD2 was 3minutes old).

She'd brought the whole tribe, so we had her, her DH and her 4 year old twins. Which was lovely, especially as she'd brought a wooden construction kit perfectly judged to keep DD1 quiet without needing us.

After a bit she took DD home with her for tea and a play and DH,DD2 and me had a snooze.

I can't begin to say how many million, billion, trillion times nicer this was than the postnatal ward!

There might be home birth support groups in your local area - I think there are in most cities - might be somewhere for DH to chat it over?

I've had 3 hb's - all great experiences. If you are 'low risk' in hosp you are likely to have lots of time wth no mw with you, whereas in hb you have 1 if not 2 for the whole time. If they have ANY concerns at all they will call labour ward and even arrange for an ambulance to wait outside just incase you need to be transferred. If you feel that you are wary of risk though, go to hospital - hb's are fab, but it will only feel good for you if you are certain that it's right.

However, if DH was having a nervous breakdown at the thought of HB even if risks had all been explained etc., I would probably have gone to hospital for the birth. However, I would be sure he knew I was doing him a massive favour and would want to be entirely in charge of the days afterwards. That might work for you OP.

I'm planning a home birth, and I've found it much easier to think about it in terms of staying at home as long as possible, rather than just staying at home absolutely. The midwives are quite clear that I can change my mind at any point, so if I want or need to go to hospital I will do- but there will be a midwife there with me to sort it all out and speed me through. And if it all goes fine then I'll be able to be at home afterwards in my own bed, with lovely space and privacy and a bath, control over the central heating, and my partner being able to cuddle up and be part of it, no sitting on hospital chairs or trying to organise transport home. It's our first, though, so I don't have the concerns about other children.

I had a HB for my 4th baby and 'afterwards' was the best bit! I had a lovely soak in my own bath then climbed into bed with my dh and new baby.

I'd packed the older children off to their grandparents when I went into labour, and those first few hours with just dh and the baby in the comfort of our own home were magical. Then the older children rushing in to the house to meet their new brother...ahhh....happy memories.

Gave birth at 11pm. Had lovely shower while midwives changed the bed and dh made everyone a cup of tea. Older dcs asleep. Got out of shower and tucked up into bed with new dc3. Dc1 woke up and popped upstairs for a quick hello to midwives/new baby. Then went back to bed. I slept in bed with new baby. Had bliss of clean bathroom, absolutely everything I needed close to hand, either in the justincase hospital bag or my own. Dh made breakfast for me in morning and entertained older 2 while I stayed in bed. They popped in and said hi before my mother came round and took older 2 out to buy present for new baby.

No waiting around to be allowed to go home. GP visited for postnatal baby check on day 1. Could do as much or as little as I liked. Good tv. Laptop. Phone. Dh was brilliant. I felt much more comfortable and at ease.

Another question. How fast do the midwife(s) come out? A large part of why I'd like to consider it is becasue DC2 was pretty fast. Will the midwife get to me any faster than I can get to the hospital (hospital is not far, 20 minute drive probably). But i suppose I'm also thinking that I'd have to go to hospital straight away in case it is super fast, and then if it's not I'm stuck there in earlier stages and for longer when I could have been at home, and I wouldn't have that issue with home birth.

I think that would be a question for your midwives FloweryBoots. It will probably depend on how large the area is that they cover, where they live, what they are doing when you call etc and they will know these variables better than we do.

It might be that as you have fast births they will want to be called sooner - discuss it with them.

I discussed my previous births at length with the midwife. I labour fast as well and you hear stories of women being told not to go to hospital yet as they didn't sound over the phone like they were having stein contractions. That worries me most as I never do until I'm actually pushing. They were very reassuring that all these things would be noted and taken into account.

A low risk pregnancy is statistically less risk at home than in hospital. Also the second you walk in the door of a hospital you are immediately increasing your risk of intervention. They will be much faster to start the cascade of intervention in hospital too and once they start they have to keep on that road. At home as long as you and baby are in no danger and are happy to leave things plodding on they are less likely to be interventions. You have 2 midwives solely caring for you so anything that may go wrong is often picked up much faster as well rather than one midwife in hospital caring for several patients.
Your hospital may not keep women on subsequent babies much longer than a few hours so you are likely to be home a few hours after birth anyway so the being waited on becomes a bit of a moot point anyway. Personally I figured if I'd be home in a few hours anyway I may as well just stay at home at least I could get into my jammies after birth and stay in them as long as I wanted.
There is a book aimed at men unsure about home birth that is very good too. I will try and see if I can find it can't remember what it's called.

I had the same dilemma as you for dc3, dc2 had also arrived at speed. Ended up going for hospital birth - laboured in the water, stayed overnight got brought dinner and breakfast. It was a lovely experience. The only negative was the amount of time it took to get discharged.

I had my first in hospital, then second and third babies at home, hoping to have dc4 at home very soon! Whilst I didn't mind being in hospital during labour, it was the "afterwards" part that made me go for a home birth and I found it much better at home. I hated dh having to leave and I didn't feel looked after on the ward at all. At home, DH could look after baby while I had a shower and then he was with me and baby in our own bed with our own thinghs around us, could have a cup of tea whenever I wanted etc...my Mum brought the other children back in the morning (mine have all been born during the night) and it was actually loveloy that they could spend time getting to know baby too in a relaxed way, play with their toys, we could all watch a film together, etc, rather than trying to contain them on a hospital ward.

I had a hb with my 2nd, as dd1 was,born within 40 mins I thought it best. As it happened dd2 was born in 20 mins! So glad I stayed at home. Although dh wasn't massively keen he was supportive. To be gonest if it's only your dhs views holding you back, I'd go for it. You have to be happy with the choice you want, and sorry but it is you that matters in this! I'm not saying don't take his views into consideration but ultimately you should get final say!