an elective caesarean birth? anyone done this? help needed!!!

[blueamema]

Had dd no.1 september 05. was unwell throughout pregnancy, had very quick/very painful delivery etc and was very unwell for first 5-6 mths of dd's life? (dont want to go into to much detail) Anyway after such a traumatic time I had come to the conclusion (with hub) that more babies was a bad idea... then when dd was 12mths found out am 3mths pregnant! I am so scared about being pregnant again... but more than that am full of fears about the birth/after birth!

has anyone ever opted for an elective caesarean??
is it heard of?
should i speak to my midwife about my concerns or am I just being stupid??

very difficult to help on the basis of what you have said. Definitely speak to your midwife. Also speak to Gina or Debbie on this website . They are very experiened and will be able to help you. At the end of the day it is your body and your baby and you should be able to give birth the way you want to. Do not think that having an elective caeserean is the easy option though, it is major abdominal surgery.

No two pregnancies and births are the same. This pregnancy could be a breeze .

The best thing to do is to get all the facts about vaginal delivery and elective section and go from there. Make sure you have a list of questions for your midwife written down, it is very easy to forget once you are there.

Hope this helps a bit.

i ha d an emergency c section for my ds (2 now) and had a really bad time!
then had my dd i asked for an elective c section but ended up giving birth first!
i wouldn't reccomend a c section as u feel totally helpless for a while as u recover. i couldnt look after my ds properly on my own for a week or so and that really got my down! dont know if it was down to that but i had pnd afterwards.

I agree with Toady, get all the statistics and make your decision based on that. I am opting for an elective Caesarean this time, but I had an emergency one last time so I'm in a slightly different situation to you.

Caesareans can be the easy option, relatively speaking, because if you know vaginal birth is not for you for whatever reason then Caesareans can be less traumatic both emotionally and physically. My view is that they are more difficult than easy vaginal births and easier than complicated/traumatic ones.

blueamema

Sorry to hear you had such a traumatic time with your dd's birth and afterwards and congratulations on your pregnancy.

I had an elective section with my dd1, although it was necessary for medical reasons, so not exactly my 'free choice' iykwim.

It sounds as if you were really traumatised by your dd's birth. I completely appreciate that you may not want to talk about that on here, but have you spoken to anyone (in a professional capacity) about it? Whatever you decide to do about the birth of your next baby, you might find that counselling of some sort might help you to come to terms with what happened when your dd was born.

Even though I really didn't want a section at first and only agreed to it because both me and dd1 would not have survived without it, I found my section to be a truly wonderful experience. It was very calm and I was fully prepared for what was going to happen (sounds as if this might be helpful for you in your circumstances). My baby was born within about 10 mins of going into the theatre, my dh was with me and we were able to hold her straight away (me with a bit of help, as I was lying down, obviously, and couldn't move from the boobs down!). I didn't find the recovery too bad - I was walking around (carefully) the next day, and felt pretty much back to normal within 3-4 weeks. You are told not to drive for 6 weeks, but I did do short local hops after about 4 weeks as I felt so 'normal'.

On the other hand, when I had dd2 I opted for a VBAC. Dd1 was under 2 and I didn't want to be in hospital for 5-7 days and unable to lift her for a further 4-6 weeks. (This may be an issue for you too, since you are going to have quite a small age gap between your two.)

Obviously I don't know all the details of your case, but I would say, yes, talk to your midwife, GP, consultant, whoever... At this stage you are just considering your options, after all. Oh, and you're not being stupid. Giving birth is a major life-changing event and most of us will only do it a couple of times in our lives. It's important to try to get it right. And by 'right' I mean 'right for you'. What's right for one woman may not be right for another. The main thing is to make an informed decision.

I have never regretted having an elective caesarian with my second child, not for one moment. It was an amazing experience, the sun streaming in through the windows, music playing, the anaesthetists were wonderful and just to see my baby immediately after his birth and to hear his first cry was fantastic. BUT this is only in comparison to the birth of my first child, which was a crash caesarian (under general anaesthetic) because she was in real danger. I was in shock when I went under and I could tell from the panic in the room that there was some question as to whether either of us would survive. I didn't see her until she was a couple of hours old and then only for a few minutes. She spent her first night away from me because I was sleeping-off the general anaesthetic. Her problems during labour were unexplained so, when it came to my second pregnancy, I decided (without any hesitation I have to say) that I would request an elective caesarian. Luckily the consultant I saw didn't question me or try to persuade me otherwise and let me make my own decision like a grown up.

There are many people on this site who will be able to tell you happy stories of normal vaginal births after an earlier traumatic delivery and will try and dissuade you from having an elective caesarian. It is after all major abdominal surgery and it will take you longer to recover from physically than most vaginal births. What these people fail to realise is that, inadvertently maybe, they are trashing the experiences of people like me who have never had and now never will have a normal vaginal birth. Perhaps I'm falling into the trap of feeling defensive when there's no critiscism (sp?) actually intended, but to me the birth of my second child was as good as it could get, given that I was not prepared to risk going through the sheer bloody abject terror of my earlier experience again - not for my unborn baby and, just as importantly, not for me or my husband either. Sorry, I'm ranting on your thread. It is a subject that is very emotive.

We are lucky to have elective caesarians available in this country. Sometimes they are justifiable. If you decide to go for it, you will at least be more relaxed for the rest of your pregnancy and not be fearing the birth so much (yes, and I do know that things can go wrong with caesarian births before anyone feels they have to step in and point out the obvious). Some would say that caesarian birth is second-best. And I would say that that attitude is insulting and unfeeling to those of us who had no choice, or who made the choice for good reasons, or those like yourself who are trying to decide what to do for the best.

Your midwife may try to dissuade you. Of course you should listen to what she has to say, but listen first of all to what your heart and your instincts are telling you.

Am thinking of you.

I agree with twoisenough... And I did choose to have a VBAC with dd2. But I was really lucky. Both my births were wonderful - just in different ways. It took me a long time beforehand to come to terms with having the section (was in hospital for 2 months), but I was lucky (in a way) because I had that time to get my head round the idea. I can honestly say that there is no difference whatsoever in the way that I have bonded or the relationship that I now have with my two dds. I support twoisenough's conclusion... listen to advice, but then do what you want to do.

thanks so much for all your wise words X

and apologies for my delay in responding as my internet connection has been playing up a bit.

anyway ... have some sad news ... had my dating scan today (at 14 wks) and unfortunately there was no heartbeat present and 'bump' is no longer!

feel awful and very sad! but it obviously wasnt time for me to have another monster!

I will however take all your words into consideration if I am with 'bump' again.

Thanks X

Oh no! blueamema I'm so sorry

P.S exactly how odd should I be feeling that 'bump' is still inside? I have to go back next wk if I have not miscarried to discuss ways of getting 'bump' out!

think I might have nightmares tonight!!! HELP

Oh blueamema, I am so sorry to hear your news. Thinking of you and wishing you all the best.

i'm so sorry , allow yourself to grieve.

Bluamema, I went through the same thing 3 years ago. The feeling of carrying a dead baby is undescribable - it is the most profoundly sad experience. I chose the "expectant management" and used homeopathy and herbs to bring on the delivery. It did work after a few days and I delivered the fetus. It was horrible and incredibly emotional but I felt I had had closure by looking after my baby until the bitter end...it was painful but allowed us to grieve. Sorry if this sounds gross to some of you but I decided to cremate the remnants and have them buried in the memorial garden of our local church where we also had a short ceremony. We named the baby etc. But for some people it is easier to move on by having a D&C, which makes the whole thing feel more like a medical problem that you solve weith a quick intervention, and that's a matter of personal choice. Follow your gut feeling! (((hugs))

thanks guys... have started another thread as am not feeling at all good today. Very confused about what doctors said to me yesterday!!

12mth dd is keeping me busy though, just know that when hub gets home tonight the tears will start coming out again.

X