Cannot get over forceps birth

[Pinkpumpkins]

Hi

Just wondering if anyone else feels a bit like this? I had my first birth 9 months ago, labour went pretty well until the second stage whereby DD got stuck in my birth canal. Long story short, got a horrible arrogant male registrar who said I had to have a forceps delivery and had no other option. I asked for a c-section but was refused one. He did not explain the risks involved and did not consent me properly for the procedure. I remember feeling so vulnerable and reasoned that if I were to refuse forceps DD could potentially die, so I gave in and agreed to it. It was pretty horrific as I didn't have adequate pain relief and sustained a 3rd degree tear which I have not fully recovered from. But thankfully DD was ok.

Later on I had a debrief with the Consultant and lead midwife, and if anything this has only served to aggravate me even further. Turns out that DD showed NO signs of fetal distress and that a c-section could have been possible. I had explicitly stated in my birth plan that I would not consent to forceps unless it was a life threatening emergency. I cannot understand how this could have happened especially when I have read on other threads where women have been able to refuse forceps. Feel completely lied to, violated etc. Can anyone else out there relate to this???

The memories don't normally feel so raw, but ended up talking about labour units in London with a pregnant friend today and it has just brought back all the horrible memories. Would really like to move on from this, but not sure how....

Oh how awful for you.

You sound like I did after dc1 was born. I was diagnosed with PTSD and put in touch with a support group for women who'd had traumatic births. They were fantastic. I can't remember all the ins and outs anymore but I did see a psychiatrist who specialised in maternal health and I had a therapy called EMDR which was highly effective.

I was also put in touch with a specialist in the USA who would email.

Not in UK but I am sure there is a trauma after birth support group in the UK which will undoubtedly be able to put you in touch with the right help.

Look, I've googled and here it is www.birthtraumaassociation.org.uk/

I'm so sorry for what you have been through. I do think though that with good support you will be able to get rid of these intrusive and distressing memories.

Oh my pinkpumpkins I'm not surprised you're still struggling with this - what a horrific experience.

I ended up with forceps in much less dramatic circumstances 14 months ago, episiotomy (2nd deg) and had a spinal (fortunately), but still find it very hard to deal with. No-one in real life wants to know - they just say 'oh well, at least you have a lovely DS'

I can't imagine how difficult it must be to move on, especially after discovering the situation was very different to what you had been led to believe.

Would you consider making a complaint? That might muster up a proper apology and change procedure for future mums?

As for me, I recently realised that I was still very badly affected by what happened to me - I basically had a mini breakdown on DS's birthday - and I'm now in the system to hopefully get some counselling via the NHS.

I was persuaded to seek help following a thread on AIBU which left me shocked by how much support there was. Linky if you want a look.

In the first instance though, I'd definitely second checking out the Birth Trauma Association suggestion above - I've not gone down that route personally as my circumstances weren't that traumatic - but have heard that they are enormously helpful.

Good luck.

Thank you both for your replies.

I am also sorry to hear that you both experienced births which were also traumatic. Although I wish that your that your births were better, it does comfort me to know that I'm not alone in this. None of the mums in my nct group can relate to this....treadheavily - the support group you attended sounds like something I'd be very keen to join. Thanks for the links - will check them out.

A huge part of me also feels quite annoyed, as I see from another thread in this section that women are still bring subjected to terrible birthing experiences. Why is this still going on in the 21st century? Absolute madness! Wonder if there is something we can do about this?? But wouldn't know where to begin....

I am so sorry this happened to you.

If you feel strong enough, you should consider making a complaint. I think it's despicable that the doctor performed a forceps delivery on you when you a) stated that you would only consent to one in an emergency, b) when there was no fetal distress, c) ignored your request for a section and d) didn't obtain proper consent (did you sign a form? If you didn't, that would be evidence).

Chances are, that's the way he treats his patients all the time. It's the sort of thing that gets doctors hauled up in front of the GMC.

You can complain to the hospital or to the GMC directly: www.gmc-uk.org/concerns/23339.asp

That's awful Pinkpumpkins. I really do think you should make a complaint. This male doctor of course will luckily never have to experience birth, let alone an invasive and very traumatic one. Some of them do seem to have been at the back of the line when empathy was handed out.

My forceps delivery was carried out in theatre. The doctor was pulling so hard that I was dragged down to the bottom of the theatre table (DH later told me the doctor actually had one foot raised and braced against the theatre table and was leaning hard backwards during each pull). DH was on one side of me and a midwife on the other side at the head end of the table. At the end of each pull they both wrapped their arms around my shoulders and had to literally drag me back up the table. This was repeated 5 times before DS was finally born.

I couldn't get over how rough the experience had felt and eventually I contacted the hospital and paid to have copies of my maternity notes sent to me. The doctor had written "forceps applied and after 5 GENTLE pulls live male baby delivered". GENTLE FFS?!?!? I was astounded at the description because it certainly wasn't the experienced that I went through.