First Time mum and very frightened!

[startrek90]

This is my first time posting but been lurking for a while.

Title sums it up. I am 23 and am supposed to be due in october but we went for a scan and now the dr says baby is in position and it looks like I will be coming sooner! Really scared as I am in a foreign country and am not sure what I am doing. Childbirth terrifies me.

Anz advice to calm my nerves? Sorry if this is the wrong board but I figure people on here will have a better idea of childbirth.

Poor you! I had DD1 in Korea so know a bit about navigating a different medical system. Firstly, how confident are you in the doctor and his/her expertise? It may be worth getting FB recommendations for really good English-speaking ob/gyns if you haven't already done so. I ended up changing my clinic a week before I gave birth because I wasn't convinced the doctor was listening to my concerns and he wouldn't budge on my birth plan, even though it had completely normal requests by UK standards. I'd be a bit wary about anyone saying your baby may arrive several weeks early just because they are in position but I'm not an expert - I just know DD1 was in position from about 29 weeks and was born bang on 40.

Depending on how large the expat community is where you live, are there any ante-natal classes or doulas available that you could contact? Or FB mum's groups which might be able to recommend somebody or at least be a support base? I ended up with a Canadian doula who ran ante-natal classes from her Korean home - and ended up delivering while she was holding her 8-month-old daughter as she couldn't get childcare. All a bit rough-and-ready but really helped me.

Good luck with everything - I hope you find the help you need. xxx

Controlled breathing really helps! Sounds like a con but it works.
The key to breastfeeding is to give the baby 24 hour access to the breast. Think of it as like breathing, not eating.

I got though it and so will you! There's no turning back now. Can't promise it will be pleasant but in terms of your life it's only a short time.... I wouldn't do it again but , hey,I'm being honest! Having said that I'd do it a million times over for the little boy I have now. X

Do you understand the language and medical system or do you have someone with you who does?
You need to think about labour and make a vague "plan"! Labour at home? Opinions on pain relief? Hypnobirthing? Waterbirth?
You are of course allowed to change your mind!
If it helps my 1st was 9lb. Born 2 1/2 hours after I got to hospital. Lovely water birth.
Wishing you well. xx

Get a tens machine as it really helps manage the pain in early labour. I was frightened too, it is quite normal as you haven't done it before! Also women like to tell horror stories about their births. I relied on visualisation , a large cool glass of Chardonnay and Jack Bauer from 24. Also labour feels like it is lasting forever, but when you look back it is quite a short time. With ds2 I arrived at hospital at 10 cm and all because of the tens machine. Waited for ages for my waters to break, midwife did it and it didn't hurt and 20 minutes later there was a baby! Raspberry leaf tea is meant to prepare your body for labour and I did drink quite a lot of it. Can you ask your midwife? I didn't know what to do either, but your body does, also the midwife does so please try to be reassured. And focus on meeting your lovely baby at the end. Actually feeling a bit jealous! I love babies.

I'm not sure if this will make you feel better or not but arrival of my DC1 was a total train crash involving three days of being induced and labouring and then ending in ELCS. If you had told me when I was still pregnant that that was what my birth experience was going to be I would have been both devastated and terrified, but actually it was honestly fine! DC1 was fine in the end and I made a quick recovery - you forget the pain really quickly and I am having another one so it can't have been that bad! what I am trying to say is that even if it doesn't go to plan (which hopefully it will) you might still find yourself looking on it positively. I certainly look back on my birth experience as being a positive one even though it sounds bad on paper!

I am not sure what I am doing.

Ah bless you: despite all the NCT classes I did (only one of which was an use to me) one of the nice things about childbirth is that you don't have to do anything at all. Your body will take over and sort it out for you. You don't need to be an expert or have any experience to have a baby. It will just happen - with some expert medical help from midwives/doctors etc.

Things I found useful/wished I'd known:

Back massage during labour can be wonderful. My friend did the course, then just showed me the basics. Your dp/birth partner rubs your lower back making huge circles - up the spine, then separate the hands and circle round and back to the beginning. (It only worked for me going up the spine, not down!)

Breast feeding can be really hard to get going. It's therefore useful to have bottles/FF or a breast pump and sterilising equipment in hospital with you in case you have to stay in.

Early contractions feel just like period pains.

It's OK to yell and swear, during labour, when the pain feels stronger than period pains. In fact it can be rather liberating.

Your dh needs to know how to fit the car seat before you get to hospital.

(Being younger is good. Your skin and muscles have some elasticity at 23 and will recover quicker than some of us oldies!)

HTH. Best of luck.

I liked my face being sponged off with a cold flannel!

Lol - I was told that I would like my face being sponged off with a wet flannel, or even better, gently squirted with water from a plant sprayer. I nearly ripped dh's hand off when mid contraction he pulled the bloody things out and started mopping/squirting me

Moral: you never know what will help you until you try it. Each to his own.

I am pg with DC2 and am nervous because I didn't feel particularly happy with they way I was treated during childbirth with DS. Even though it's scary, I have been reading up on the process in english (What to expect is very good) and comparing what's in there with what's in the leaflets here. I have also read the notes from first childbirth and I honestly feel much better now I understand. It took guts to read them though, there was a sort of blck. My Danish is pretty good but I still want to understand and have the vocab before I need to.

Is your birthing partner local to the country you are in? Can you ge t a translator?