Should I complain about my birth?

[Cupcakes123]

Just wondering if it's worth speaking to the hospital, I don't think I want to officially complain but I don't want anybody else to go through what I did.... Or should I just let it go?
Slightly long, sorry!

Ok, so waters broke at 5am, they were blood stained so we went to hospital. Hospital confirmed waters gone but as only having very mild contractions, sent me home. Got slowly more painful, phoned hospital at 11, they advised wasn't in enough pain and to Stay at home. My mum and DP decided actually no, you're going so we went in anyway (hosp is 35 mins away) Got there, pains much much worse, was examined by an extremely patronising uncaring midwife who spent 20 mins telling us off for going in. She finally examined me, advised cervix closed, nothing happening at all, it's going to be hours and to go home.

Whilst waiting for her to fill my papers in, had feeling that I need to go to the loo RIGHT NOW, then sat on the loo in extreme pain, sweat dripping off me, couldn't speak through contractions with my mum throwing cold water on me. Pulled emergency cord, she came back adv that I still need to go home and that was that. No examinations.

Ended up stupidly trying to go back to the car, made it one floor down in the lift and had to get out as so much pain. Was hanging off a window sill and a nurse from the floor, took one look at me, got me a chair, some water and called the head of midwifery for the hospital (whilst lots of people wandered around, fun times) she then came down, looked at me and called up for a wheelchair, bitch midwife came down and wheeled me back up, the in charge midwife was trying to find out how she had let me get into the state but in the end got angry with her and said she would speak to her later.

She then examined me again and discovered that the head was there and I was ready to push. My beautiful DS was born an hour & 40 mins later at 4.03pm with no pain relief AT ALL as it was too late apparently.

So really I just want to know if it's worth sending a letter or something just to ask her to be spoken to, she was so uncaring, didn't listen, lied about examining me and refused to believe I was in labour (I thought my mum was going to swing for her to be honest!) she changed her tune a bit when she realised she was wrong and he was going to be born NOW and was a bit nicer but I wouldn't want any other lady to go through that....

:D Thank you, thank you, thank you. You will be doing future patients a huge favour :)

I have to say, it sounds like she was annoyed that you had gone in without being advised to do so. Triage/maternity tend to prefer advanced notice as to whether people are coming in.

On another note its not impossible to go from 0-10 in a matter of minutes!

Sounds like you did really well, despite a traumtic experience. Well done and I hope you are feeling a bit better now! x

Theyvallgone, I thought the same thing as you but that isn't op's fault, they do sonetimes get things wrong and if you know you're not coping and the mws don't want you to come in what are you supposed to do? It's not like you are in a position to argue in that state and you probably won't have much time to call around for a second opinion! I was in a similar position where they just weren't listening and as a result just narrowly avoided having an accidental unassisted birth which was horribly scary and traumatic and not my choice at all!

Well done for complaining op, it sounds like they are already aware of her nasty attitude and this will just help add to the evidence and save other women from going through the same thing.

To be fair Theyveallgone my labour ward has told us no need to call in advance! This was at the official ante natal day (unless you want a birth pool or are consultant led). I was slightly surprised but that is what they said.

...and I know of someone who had their baby in the car because they listened to a timing obese mw till their mum bundled them in and drover for the nearest maternity dept! Not quite in time! She now has a phobia of hcp giving wrong advice poor lady.

Obsessed - no idea of her bmi. Auto correct!

What squizita said - she wasn't good at her job and simply lacking in compassion if she missed the fact you were about to give birth! As a midwife surely that's one of the most basic things you should be able to identify???

Definitely definitely complain OP - both for your own sake, and so that her managers are aware of her performance issues and hopefully can prevent other women from going through what you did.

Couple of things - first, you poor old thing. Sounds awful. You must complain - you will regret it all your life if you don't, and it could happen to someone else with more tragic consequences.

It's great that you had your Mum and other half with you to provide support - do write everything down whilst it is fresh in your mind and cross check it with your Mum and DP in case there's anything you've missed. And congrats on your DS.

Congratulations on your baby!

Please do contact PALS they can only change things if they know about them. I had a mw like you describe with dd1. 20 years later i still remember her scathing tone - she was wrong about me too. A mw can be excellent at her job but, if she doesn't have her people skills, she's not really good enough is she?! Certainly she could have been having a bad day. If that'd the case you'll be one complaint on an exemplary record and of little consequence. Otoh you may contribute to a list of complaints that ensure she doesn't treat more women that way - through discipline or training most likely.

Cos I've been rubbish and getting used to DS, I haven't complained yet. It's on the list of things to do!

4 weeks ago today, ooohhh remembering the bloody god awful pain and my DP's "oh god, look how much pain cupcakes is in" scared face and it still makes me angry

But then I look at my gorgeous boy and he was so bloody worth it