extreme fear

[fari]

Hi everyone, this is my first time on this board and i would be very grateful for some advice.I am nearly thirty and my husband and i have decided to go for fertility treatment as he had a vaesetomy in a previous relationship.The truth is even though i really want a baby i am terrified of giving birth, and when i mentioned this to my GP he laughed at me and said there is no way Leeds Pct would agree to a elective section. I cant tell my family as i know they would say i am being pathetic.

I was exactly the same fertility treatment did not help me come to terms with fear of child birth so I had two electives I got them fairly easily and no one laughed as everyone knows it is not a painfree experience... doctors were supportive -- midwives not!

i think fear is a understandable feeling. i had two 'normal' deliveries one with epidural and the second al natural. with both i did fear it. if you cannot have a section then you could have the epidural. first time is always scary as no matter what you are told you do not understand really what it is going to be like. monay people take great delight in regaling horry stories and it is these that will stick in your mind. seak to you midwife about your fears.hth

Could you perharps argue that the fact that you are going the IVF route that you do not want to leave anything happening to the baby to chance?

sorry the 'P' buttin is not working very well!!

Giving birth is a very long way away right now. Don't let it daunt you, it's just one part of the whole process of becoming a parent. Right now concentrate on the business of getting to a position where you need to prepare for labour. Address the issue when the time comes. You may well find that you feel differently by then. And if you don't then your fears will be respected.

Certainly refuse to listen to (or read) any birth stories unless they are positive. You don't need that.

Hi Fari - I agree with Prettycandles - concentrate on getting pregnant! one thing at a time - or you will scare yourself silly worrying about everything now! you may well find that once pregnant that fear disappears or is reduced by the excitement of having a baby. Read somewhere that the antidote to fear is courage (or was it knowledge?!) so prepare yourself and be strong! if real fear / phobia - can get help with that - see female doctor maybe - male GP never experienced giving birth!!! or some counselling - ante natal classes / NCT etc... lots you can do to prepare yourself - would be a bit odd not to be scared ( but also excited !!) about the life changing event of having a baby xxx good luck getting pregnant xxx

I was similar to you in being terrified, but knew that having a baby would be worth it in the end. As soon as I was pregnant I read lots of articles and books describing labour and birth and came right round to wanting to have a drug free natural birth for various reasons (and I did, and felt very lucky that I was able to do it that way). I think it would be useful for you to think about why you are terrified and what of - it might be something you can work through and come to terms with. I believe counselling should be offered to you as part of fertility treatment (I had donor insemination in Leeds and I was offered however much free counselling I wanted). That would be an ideal place to discuss hopes and fears about the birth. I also had a Natal Hypnotherapy CD - the information that comes with it is useful in explaining, to some extent, why women fear childbirth, and the relaxation exercises on the CD are excellent. Best of luck with your fertility treatment.

I think everyone is at least apprehensive about childbirth but each persons experience is completely different. Tbh I can't think why you would less scared of a general anaesthetic!

Do they offer epidurals at Leeds? I had two many moons ago and would highly recommend them.

I have to agree with joolstoo - I had a CS under general (long labour, long story!) and the CS was to me more scary than the long hours of labour I'd just experienced!

It is very very normal to be as scared as you are - some people would not admit it actually, so you are doing well to admit to your fear; you can spend time informing yourself all about labour so that this might help to reduce your fear; I don't mean other people's birth stories as really it is POINTLESS reading them, your birth will be unique and not like anything you read!!! but I mean inform yourself what to expect from your body at each stage etc....

you are certainly not alone, many many people are as scared as you but not all will admit it!

Your GP was very stupid to laugh at you. Childbirth is well-known for being extremely painful, in every single culture perpetrated by women (including those 'traditional' ones which don't have access to epidurals).

You may or may not get an elective section, if you push for it; but if not, there is some very good anaesthesia around for childbirth although I have to say you do have to get to some degree of pain before you're given it, and it doesn't always work completely effectively.

You may also find, when it comes to labour, that it isn't unbearable and that your body can handle it. It's a very individual thing.

(Before anyone jumps down my throat about how it's all frightfully natural and bearable can I just say I've had two, very different labours and one of them resulted in a home birth.)

Hi everyone, thanks for the support, i think that talking about it is making me feel less fear and now thinking about it i will stop reading countless pregnancy magazines and scaring myself stupid. I suppose i have lost perspective, and i should remember that having a child means everything to me. Thanks again ladies.

Doctors are not God -- they just think they are sometimes!

He had absolutely no right to laugh at what is an understandable fear. He's probably afraid of the dark.

Bear in mind that there are some 300,000 births every day, women have been doing this for millions of years and our bodies are designed for labour.

I am due any day now with my first -- I was scared of labour at the beginning of the pregnancy, but I am now actually excited about it ... meeting my daughter, infact having grown a child and then being able to deliver her, surpasses every worry about pain. The pain isn't constant, isn't unbearable, isn't a 'warning pain' that something is wrong ...

You can do it. It will be THE achievement of your life.

But you are perfectly entitled to seek and get ALL the help that you need -- emotionally and physically. Don't let a dumbass doctor ruin your dreams.