how much control do you have over what happens at a homebirth?

[gigglinggoblin]

this is baby no4, so i do feel i know a bit about giving birth now but have never done it at home.

spoke to mw about homebirth and she said they were wonderful but i have to have a second person there to look after my other kids, i cant give birth in my bath, it isnt big enough (she hasnt seen it) and my floors will not support a birth pool (i was talking about a small one, she has only ever heard of birth pool in a box).

i am rather deflated and more than a bit upset. if i go for a hospital birth i still cant guuarantee childcare so its a very real possibility i will be alone, whereas at home i can stick a video on, have the kids in the room, whatever. i know no birth can definately be planned, but i felt this was the best option.

im a bit worried that if i say well i can only have my partner here she will say i have to have a hospital birth. she said there may be problems having a home birth cos of other stuff aswell, tho this was never pointed out as a problem with last baby

i am hoping this is just hormones making me feel so panicky, but i am really quite upset about it all.

any advice from people who have had a home birth?

this is a great site here with loads of past experiences and advice/tips.

thanks katie, that looks like a fab site. it has just answered the questions i had about the other problems she mentioned, apparently they are not a problem so feeling better already!

You can have what YOU want. It is your baby.

If she turns up and you have no childcare, then what is she going to do? She can't drag you to a hospital leaving them alone.

Birth pools - again, it is entirely your choice. If you get one that your floor can support, then get it. Baths is normally the situation of them not being deep enough iyswim.

The homebirth yahoo group is great for things like this.. I'll try and dig out a link.

Sorry - took me a while to send They homebirth.org yahoo group thing is the one I meant.

Many woman give birth in their bath. THis is perfectly possible.It's true that a birthing pool does weigh alot, but we managed with one hundred year old floorboards! We put the pool upstairs, in the corner, and tried it out a few days beforehand, with the pump ready so we could rapidly defill it if necessary. Your partner can look after your kids while the midwife stays with you during the birth, I don't see how she would think this was a problem? What are her other objections to a home birth?

the other stuff was that i had my cervix lasered in between ds2 and ds3, and that i bled quite a lot after ds2. however i didnt need a blood transfusion or anything and it didnt happen with the last baby.

i just felt it was added on at the end when i got upset about the lack of childcare. my partner will be there, but she said i need a second person aswell. i find it hard to believe that anyone can say they definately have childcare for something when they dont know when its going to happen

and thanks for the website fs, im getting a bit muddled now. squishy pg brain

i gave birth at home in pool - the vairous companies will be able to advise you better than a mw about exaclty where you can position a pool and whether even it's practical for you to have one. There are loads of different tpyes now too - google and have a look at the smaller ones. we did get someone to look after ds - as it turned out it was at night-time, he cd have been at home in theory but i don't think i'd have been relaxed about it esp if things started getting complicated. cdn't you ask a freind/fam member to be on standby?

i have loads of people i can put on standby, but i cannot say they will absolutely definately be there as everyone works or needs time to get here. last time i didnt realise labour had progressed so quick - i got to hospital and was ready to push. i only went in cos dp made me! am thinking that if it goes quicker this time i might not have time to get someone here. i dont want to call people at the first twinge as i would be very uncomfortable having other people in the house. she suggested dropping the kids off with them but i really dont think i will want to drive when the time comes. if it comes to it, dp will have to look after them but i would prefer him at home in another room than at home while i am in hospital

i have considered lying to her, but i dont like doing it

good to know it isnt completely ridiculous to suggest using the bath belgo. we are also in a hundred year old house, but i think if it is has stood this long it will probably last a bit longer!

HI there,
what a shame that your m/w seems a bit unsupportive...
Well, in the end if you have your Partner there, then he can always see to the Kids if necessary, it's your decision, and I know of a fair few women that have had their older children with them at the Birth, etc...it's an individual choice, and well, if you have plenty of people on stand by that is good enough anyway, surely someone will be able to come if needs be
As for the lazer treatment...do you mena you had a loop cone biopsy? That is what I had before ds2 and I had no problems at all...so...not sure if your m/w is just trying to find reasons to put you off!
You already have been given the links that I would have passed on to you!
Oh, if you could afford it, then maybe an Independent m/w would be something you'd like to consider or a Birth doula maybe?
Like already been said, they can advice you about everyhting, but you are the one making the decisions Your body, your Baby and YOUR BIRTH

Had one hospital birth, and two home births with the last one in a large pool. I was told the weight is the same as 12 adults so if floor can hold that you'll be fine. I put mine in the kitchen/diner, in the end it was great. It was heated and filtered so the kids had a wonderful time in their swimming pool for the three weeks running up to the birth . Also it was so warm and deep i used to sit in it in the evening to relax, just like having a hot tub inside bliss don't let them put you off so much nicer at home.

Hmmm, well I had someone there to be with Lottie but that wasn't anything I discused with my midwife in any way shape or form, i just did it.

I was in my bath the whole time, and could have had DD in there if I had so wished but decided I needed to be on dry land, I decided.

My midwife basically just supported my decision to have a home birth and then had sod all say in anything else, she just let me crack on. She also supported me fully even though a) I was massively out of the area for the hospital and the hospital itself wouldn't have supported it so it was an unofficial home birth she just gave me her mobile and home no and b) my eldest has special needs.

Hope you get the birth you want.

Hi gg. I've had 2 home births and think they're fantastic. With no 2 ds was at my mum's and was about to be dropped back when I went into labour so he wasn't there and I'm glad not as I screamed the place down, I think it would have scared him a lot. But you know your other children. I was told to make sure I had someone to take him in case I had to transfer to hospital, so maybe that's the reason behind it.

Wrt pools, she doesn't knwo what she's talking about by the sound of it, so do research it and take advice from pool cos and as for bath, why shouldn't you stay in there? It sounds as if she's actually worried/scared/inexperienced. Some hospital midwives don't have much home birth experience and it makes them nervous ime. Are there other mws? What do they think?

It is upsetting, search on home birth here thoguh, there are lots of long and positive threads.Good luck.

I had a home birth for second child and am v v glad I did. Basically you have a LOT of say as to how it goes and it is your legal right to have one if you want, even if it means you are choosing to ignore advice from midwife or anyone else. Any chance of your getting a doula? Pupuce put me in touch with two trainees and if money is an issue then a trainee will be cheaper (around £100/150 from memory - ha ha, it was four weeks ago so brain has forgotten).

My 3rd was homebirth and I did give birth in a standard sized bath. You can't get your legs wide apart in the usual sense but I did 'scissors' and it was fine. Also I didn't tear, which may be related (should start a new thread about that).

My midwife didn't ask me about childcare - I guess she assumed that DH would be around. As it was, the children were asleep and didn't wake up even though I was in the next room.

Getting properly clean after the birth and then drinking hot chocolate that my husband made me IMMEDIATELY that I asked for it, tucked up in my own bed with my new baby was just the best.

Good luck with this.

I had DD2 at home, didn't have a waterbirth as from experience from DD1 I couldn't move and wouldn't have been able to get in one.

I had only just moved to the area and there was no one to look after DD who was 18mo, as luck would have it I went into labour at night and DD1 slept through the whole thing which was amazing as I made an awful lot of noise, she got up at 6 the next morning got into bed with me, DP and her new sister which was lovely. If she had been awake DP would have looked after her downstairs but kept popping up to check on me. Ideally it would have been better to have another adult there for DD1 if possible.

Stick to your guns I think some MWs are a bit frightened of homebirths, the 2 that delivered me had never done one between them despite being MWs 20 years each. I remember them being a bit anxious about the natural third stage and me saying, I'll let her have a feed give it time for the placenta to come. Advice from mumsnet.

thanks for the replies, i feel so much better now. i usually have no problem standing up for myself but its hard when you have to argue with a professional and you have no knowledge! i do feel she was trying to put me off even tho she said lots of home births happen in our area.

tbh i am mostly worried she will say i cant have one, and i am then left wondering what to do as i really dont think i need to be in hospital and i certainly dont want to be alone! dp says we can stay here and dial 999 if necessary so he is being supportive

you don't have to go for a water birth at home.

Try a birthing ball & massage for any pain in the back.

I've 4 kids & childcare was my biggest worry.

GG...she can't say that though...make clear you know your rights!
A friend of mine had some probs recently in the Northamptonshire area and got so stressed out, but in the end she had the strenght to stand up for herself and got a wonderful Homebirth with her 2 baby, which she describes as such a healing experience, after having a very traumatic Hospital Birth with her first
Not sure if you already were given this AIMS link but it might also give you some more info on what you can do!
And here the webaddi to the NICE website that might also give you some good Info
Best of luck!

our first baby is due in 6 days and we are planning a home birth. We have been really lucky - in our area all of the communitiy midwives actively promote home births and everyone has a really positive attitude towards it. You can have the birth you want - everyone is entitled to it,it is your right! stand your ground. Made in water make smaller pools - a friend from nct group has just ordered one and is overjoyed with it. just put it into google and you'll find the site and it arived within two days. As for your other children my midwife was at a home birth last week and the children were there for the birth and were involved in the whole experience- free to wander in and out of mums bedroom. Not everyones cup of tea but she said it was one of the most amazing births she had attended!

i was thinking of getting a made in water one, i dont like the look of the big pools i would feel rather exposed. am glad they are as good as they looked. i want a water birth as i had one last time in hospital, i just wanted advice from her if the bath would be ok (its a corner bath so very wide and i dont mind it not being particularly deep) or if she had any recommendations. didnt think the reply would be so negative.

thanks for links 3&nm, i can understand why your friend got so stressed, i have thought of nothing else since wednesday morning when i saw her

gg - it is your choice who you have with you in labour at home and where you give birth. The only thing I would say about your bath is it must be deep enough for the baby to be born completely under water if you are planning a waterbirth. That is because the baby could be stimulated to gasp if there is a part of the body in the air before the head is out the water.

thanks mears, i wasnt aware of that. i was just told that i would want to be in a deeper pool. will check that out

And why would your floor not support a pool? Is she a structural engineer? If you have ever had a party in that room with lots of people and the floor withstood it, I am sure it would support a pool.