birth trauma

[elliejjtiny]

My birth with DS5 was both physically and emotionally traumatic. My waters broke at 35 weeks and he was born at nearly 37. I was desperate for a VBAC but ended up with a failed induction, 4 hours of labour strapped to monitors and a cat 1 EMCS. DS5 had to be resuscitated and then taken to NICU. I was shaking and throwing up. I didn't even know he'd been born until 20 minutes later when I asked as he didn't make a noise when he was born. I was taken to HDU and it was 14 hours before I was well enough to go and see DS in a wheelchair. It's now 2.5 weeks later and I'm still walking at a snail's pace, taking painkillers and feeling sorry for myself. DS5 screams for hours every night. He has a weird high pitched squeal that makes me think he must be as traumatized by his birth as I am. I'm so tired and feel frustrated that I can't look after my other DC's. Please somebody tell me it gets better.

You poor thing. I had a traumatic birth with my (only) dd. 5 years on, it does get better. I found after-birth counselling with a specialist midwife helpful. The hospital offered it as a free service. What I found was that it didn't make things better as such, but it allowed me to talk through what happened.

I felt like I was making a big fuss about nothing, but it validated my feelings that I had really had an awful birth experience, which made me feel that my feelings afterwards were acceptable.

But with time, it has got better. And it will for you too - recovering from labour and birth is hard enough without trauma thrown into the mix. Go easy on yourself, and talk to your hv, midwife or the aftercare team at the hospital.

It does get better, I have had two traumatic births (dc1 emcs and dc3 elcs). I am now 6 months post my most traumatic birth (prem birth at 34 weeks, nearly died, lost total blood volume in massive haemmorhage and had an emergency hysterectomy) and can truthfully say I am doing OK. By 8 weeks post-birth I could do most things I did before with my children.

I am so glad your ds is doing ok now. Mine was also traumatised by the separation from me at birth (I was in theatre for 5 hours). I have heard osteopathy can help if there is physical birth trauma I.e baby was stuck in the birth canal. I take dd2 to a clinic in London that sees lots of babies, the younger they are the faster the result apparently.

I spoke to someone in Birth Crisis who just listened which I found helpful.

While I was fortunate that the whole process was less traumatic than yours sounds, DD was also taken to NICU without me seeing her, and I didn't see her for 11 hours.

With hindsight I can see I was quite detached from her for those first few weeks or months. Not worryingly so, but I think not seeing a tiny gunky baby made the bonding all slower. Plus a horrible labour and an emcs can leave you complete wiped out for weeks, I can't imagine how you are doing with other children.

In the short-term, can someone stay at home with you a bit to give you time to recover? It's like any time you are ill, it's better to try and rest for a few days to improve your overall recovery. In the slightly longer term, I agree a debrief or some counselling could help. I finally had a debrief when DD was about 18mo and it made a huge difference to me, just be able to understand what had actually happened during labour.

Thankyou. I've got some help at home until DS5 is 5.5 weeks old. The midwives at the hospital said they would sort out a debrief in a few weeks although I'm wondering if it will be too soon. I talked to another mum whose baby had similar problems at birth to my DS (although her DD was born at a much earlier gestation) which I found helpful too.