Pain during sex after episiotomy and forceps delivery

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Hello all,

I am eight months in and when I say 'pain' I mean penetrative sex is virtually impossible.

I went to my GP and got referred to a gynaecologist who I saw yesterday, and am quite frankly disappointed and depressed by the outcome.

I have some external damage which I know doesn't look great but doesn't cause any functional issues, but the issue is that penetrative sex is incredibly painful to the point that (sorry TMI), OH can only penetrate me very slightly.

The gynaecologist yesterday have me some lubricant and told me to do some perineal massage despite me explaining the pain was internal (and shouting in pain at the examination). The lube she have me was sitting on her desk when I went in and she was keen to give me the website so I could buy some more. To be honest, it felt like she was promoting a sponsor rather than listening to my protestations that it was neither an external nor a lube problem.

My relationship is suffering, we have tried to have sex about four times since the baby was born but each time it is worse, I know it is a vicious circle as each time I am more nervous. I don't feel as though my husband understands fully and feel resentful that he wants sex when it is supposed to be pleasurable and actually it is incredibly painful for me. I almost can't bear for him to touch me.

I have no idea where to go from here

Really sorry to hear this.

Just bumping for more knowledgeable people, but I think the first thing would be to await the gynaecologist's letter, which should be copied to you - if you've not had anything in about a week, start chasing, ring the hospital and ask to be put through to their secretary. That gives you a starting point to go back to the GP and explain that the conclusions in the letter bear no relation to the problem you went with, and what now?

bumping again for you

I experienced similar after a third degree tear. Part of the problem was I hadn't had sex in SO LONG (entire pregnancy plus seven months postpartum) everything had sort of shrunk. It was like being a born again virgin I may have been stitched a little too tightly as well.

The gynae I saw was unhelpful also ("what do you expect, after so long! Your poor husband!") but the physiotherapist was more sympathetic. She recommended dialators which you insert to stretch yourself (sounds hideous I know!); they come in three different sizes - you start small and gradually work up.

There was probably a psychological element too: expecting searing pain doesn't make you relax and feel sexy, does it?

It took nearly two years for me to feel physically normal again.