So Jealous

[Redling]

My SiL had her first baby today with a TWO HOUR AND 40 MINUTE LABOUR! She is 38 weeks and the baby is perfect, 7.3 pounds. I am so happy for them but now full of mad jealousy and worry as I am 33 weeks and now I think that I am going to have a massive long labour, or that just a normal labour will now seem awful and arduous after her super human labour! She says she is just full of adrenaline now and it was a whirlwind. I so so want to have a nice short labour now!

Please don't fixate on other people's labours. You will drive yourself into a frame of mind where any labour is difficult. I know how hard it is not to compare yourself, but try not to.

FWIW, fast labours (especially for a first baby) can be more traumatic than people let on. They can get very intense, very fast and be a bit overwhelming.

YY Penguins, my friend had a 3 hour labour with her first and found it extremely distressing and frightening. But whereas women with 'traditional' distressing labours got sympathy, she had to deal with it whilst being told she was a lucky cow. Not easy, bless her.

That said, if she is being smug all over Facebook then you have permission to hate her

Yes, see 'full of adrenaline' and 'whirlwind' could easily be someone brazening it out because they know that they are 'meant' to feel good about this labour.

Or it could be someone smug showing off

Short labour does not equal nice. My labour was 3 hours from waters breaking, I dilated in just one hour. It was terrifying!!

I am hoping I will have a longer labour with DC2 but it doesn't seem likely according to midwives

I was in shock for a long time afterwards

Nope - quick labour gives you no time to get in the right frame of mind, prepare yourself, build up endorphins etc. Mine wasn't much longer than that and it was horrible. Until the spinal, then it got a whole lot nicer very quickly :-).
Not always a blessing though so don't be jealous!

I had a 38 minute labour 3 weeks ago. I was induced at 41+1. Having previously had a 10 hour labour I can say that neither was less or more painful. That being said this time was a better experience overall due to less complications. But there was no time for pain relief (I didn't have pain relief with last birth either but this time had hoped for some).

Please don't compare labours. And don't assume that just because it was quick that equals easier. It's not by any means.
Try not to be anxious about the birth. I know easier said than done. I know sometimes the uncertainty can be the most difficult thing to wrap your mind around, but if you keep a positive vibe you may find this helps you out.

I've got three DC. The best labour was the second one that was 8h from first twinge to baby. Everything progressed smoothly and evenly and gradually built up. It was great.

DS (no3) s born prematurely after a 2.5 h labour, which culminated in going from 5cm to birth in 10 minutes while being pushed down the corridor for an EMCS (he was born before they could knock me out). All very exciting (!) but the HCPs were clearly very concerned about how I would cope with the unexpectedness of it all. And that was for DC3. I really wouldn't like it for a first baby, it gets very intense very quickly and the pain is harder to cope with because it ramps up so quickly.

She seems too wrapped up in baby to seem traumatised, but I suppose on reflection in a few days she might be different. It's just so weird, we were chatting by text, then hours later she's had the baby and now they are home! I haven't even been watching One Born as I really don't want to have labours to compare to, I was just so surprised by this, it made me wonder how long I'd be! Anyway, she's home and all are happy and healthy, which is the main thing.

My extremely short labour came on so quickly, they couldn't give me pain relief, my body didn't stretch properly and she got stuck right at the end. She's here and absolutely fine, but for my body to do all that was a bit fast and extremely traumatic for both me and my partner.

I want a longer labour next time round.

My first labour was relatively short, and DD1 was a little early. I got lots of comments about being lucky not to have to wait/be induced/have a long labour. It was only when I started talking about the birth in my preparation classes for DD2's birth that I realised how frightened the whole thing had made me - because I didn't have time to get my head around what was happening (it was otherwise a textbook delivery and DD was fine, so the labour itself was fine, I just felt completely out of control)

And, despite being a bit more prepared for a fast labour, DD2's even faster birth (5cm with no symptoms, a couple of hours wandering about the hospital while medical staff decided what to do, they broke my waters as still no regular contractions at 9cm, DD born less than an hour later) I found it quite hard for it all to be so quick and remember sobbing to DH that I couldn't remember what to do. Again, another textbook delivery and "easy" in some ways, but I wouldn't necessarily consider myself "lucky"

I see what you mean, but why are you comparing yourself and your birth to hers? Your journey will be your own journey, birth, parenthood and all the ups and downs will be your unique experience. Her baby may never sleep while yours does etc. Nip the comparisons in the bud and you'll be a happier mum

you could balance it out by reading a bunch of horror birth stories...

ok not the most helpful idea, I'll shut up

I had quick labours with both my kids and I do believe it's because I kept my feet right till the end. I was nesting like mad with both mine so didn't rest much. The midwife did say being on your feet helps the baby engage and the stimulation on the cervix releases hormones which helps :)

Standinginline - I am sorry, but I disagree with that. Nothing you do or don't do can 'make' you have a good labour, or a short labour. Things you do can help improve your chances of a good labour. It's an important distinction - women who have a two day-er didn't do anything wrong (I did it all with DD1, it was still back to back and very long), just as those who have a speedy and straightforward labour can't take credit (DS was four hours).

There are as many labours as there are babies IMO. Everyone's experience is different. I've had 4 VERY different birth experiences and 4 very different humans produced from them.

Yours might be shorter or longer, and may even be more painful but ultimately it'll be because it produces your baby, not anyone else's.

I had a 4 hours first labour. It was very frightening. It happened so fast, we were completely left to get on with it by ourselves until pretty much the last minute. My dh kept trying to get someone to come and look at me, but no-one came, because they believed a first timer couldn't possibly labour so fast. No proper pain relief. No proper care. Constant pain. When I had dc2, I was amazed that the pain stopped between contractions because that hadn't been the case with dc1. Added to that, the fear with subsequent pregnancies that I wouldn't get to the hospital in time. A fear that turned out to be valid as my dh delivered dc3 at home after a 30 minute first-twinge-to-baby-in-arms labour.

Don't feel jealous.

I wouldn't worry about comparing labours, you don't get any say in how your labour progresses, so why even give it a second thought? My SIL was in a similar situation to you with me. She ended up comparing our labours a lot. She didn't have a traumatic labour or anything, infact it was very simple. But the fact she was comparing them made her really competitive with me and made her quite bitter about the whole thing.

Besides your baby will be the cutest in your eyes, so you win no matter what.

I assure you I am not bitter :) we're very close and she's a great person and we've had fun being pregnant together. I just had a period of shock yesterday as I suppose I thought we'd have similar experiences and now she's had this very quick birth! I'm pretty chilled about giving birth myself, haven't been stressed or put pressure on myself to have some kind of prescribed 'perfect birth', I know he'll come however he comes. It just prompted me to think of all the things that could go wrong I suppose. Hormones! She's now been up for about 24 hours straight as she's on a crazy high!

Well you've obviously got the right attitude so there's nothing to worry about. Sure things could go wrong, but midwives are so well trained and they can spot complications quite early and sort them out before they become problems. It's difficult knowing you're still waiting for your turn to meet your lovely little baby, when your SIL already gets to cuddle hers. Plus I think knowing someone had a complication free labour right before yours, can make you think:
'does that mean I'll be the one with problems?'
At least I know that's what I would have been thinking. Good luck in a few weeks time when you get to meet your little boy!

My advice, even if you are on a crazy high, do not stay up for 24 hours straight . Many babies are very sleepy for the first 24 hours. DS slept almost solidly for 18 hours. If it had been my first, a sleep like that would have helped me recover from the birth (no matter how fast) far better than anything else. Don't make the mistake of thinking that you have a sleepy baby and will get lots more chances.

Plus I think knowing someone had a complication free labour right before yours, can make you think:
'does that mean I'll be the one with problems?'

That's so true! It's irrational but probably describes how I felt yesterday for a while! When they found out they were having a girl, I thought 'oh I'll have a boy then' and I am
Going for cuddles tonight so that should either calm me down or make me a sobbing wreck! I think it's be air I just want my boy out now!