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Childbirth

Share experiences and get support around labour, birth and recovery.

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Original poster

Homebirth - who looked after your dc? If anyone?

21 replies

PourquoiTuGachesTaVie · 22/06/2014 15:36

In the early stages of planning a home birth and trying to decide what to do with ds, who will be 4.

Dh reckons we won't need to do anything with him as he himself was present age 4 when his own mum gave birth.

I don't want to have ds stay with someone else while I'm in labour, I want him in the house not to feel he's excluded however I just can't decide who should be there specifically to look after him or if we should try and go with dh's idea and not have anyone there except us. I'm not even sure if the midwife would allow that?

Just looking for other experiences to help me make my mind up...

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Original poster

PourquoiTuGachesTaVie · 22/06/2014 15:48

Oh and to add to my confusion I've been reading the threads on here about home births with just the midwife and no dp and it really appeals. He didn't do anything wrong last time but I can imagine I'd be happier knowing dh was there solely to ensure ds is ok while I have the midwife to do the same for me. The only other people who could look after ds are MIL who I wouldn't be comfortable labouring in front of and my sister who would likely be traumatised by watching labour and birth.

I think dh being there for ds is the best option all round tbh.

OP posts:

gotagoldtoof · 22/06/2014 19:28

Sounds good. DH can take a key role in looking after your four year old, and the midwives can support you. Is there anyone else you would like as a birth partner?

Ktay · 22/06/2014 19:39

Do you have any hotels/b&bs nearby? Once things kicked off for me we booked DM into the travelodge 10 mins' walk away so she was on hand to look after DD1 in case we had to go into hospital (fortunately we didn't but I would have wanted DH with me in that eventuality).

EvilHerbivore · 22/06/2014 19:48

When I was in labour with DS2 , I was in the bedroom with the midwives and DP was in the living room with DS1 (in a flat so the room next door) and he kept popping in to see how things were.

DS1 then fell asleep on the sofa (he'd dropped naps about 3 months before but incredibly fortunately decided to flake out for about 3 hours on that day!) so DP was able to come in and watch DS2 be born and have a cuddle whilst I got cleaned up and then DS1 woke up and we introduced them - was lovely and would do it that way again if I could.

Good luck!

lbsjob87 · 23/06/2014 07:10

Sounds good if DH is happy to be slightly "hands off" like that. Only thing I will say, not trying to be negative, but my SiL wanted a home birth for her first baby, but due to circumstances ended up being rushed to hospital at 3am. Now she's pregnant again, but this time with a 2yo, she said just yesterday, she didn't know what she'd have done with her DD in that situation (so if she'd already had a child before).
So, just to be on the safe side, I would have a plan in place in case you need to leave, either as someone suggested, have someone on standby to take DS or let DH focus on him while you go to hospital.
Fingers crossed it won't come to that but I would definitely have a Plan B for reassurance!

PenguinsHatchedAnEgg · 23/06/2014 09:52

Do think about transferring - if you need to, would you be happy leaving your DH behind?

My DD1, and then DD1 and 2, slept through my homebirths. My mum lives an hour away and was on standby to come if needed. I also had a doula who was happy to either come with me in a transfer, or stay with the children until my mum arrived.

Original poster

PourquoiTuGachesTaVie · 25/06/2014 20:59

Thanks for the replies.

Ds's birth was very straightfoward so hopefully a homebirth will be fine, but yes a plan for being transferred to hospital is needed.

I don't have anyone else I'd want as a birth partner, my sister would be pretty useless and MIL would probably have too many opinions! However, I will look at options for having them on hand in case of emergency. Both are only a 15-20 minute car drive away.

OP posts:

weebairn · 28/06/2014 18:25

I'd love some advice on this too…

I am due in September, DD will be nearly or just 2. I had a long but straightforward home birth with her so I am hopeful it will be ok again. Unlike you, I would NOT be happy to labour without DP (he was awesome last time). So I have asked my mum to look after DD. My mum is very helpful and no longer works and will definitely be available, but she lives 4 hour drive away. so my worries are:

is this too far away, do I need her to stay with me before the birth? Last labour was 30 hours from waters breaking, loads of time. but I've heard 2nd ones can be quicker…

what should she do with DD? I live in a 2 bed flat and I'm not sure how easy it would be labouring with DD there… she could take her out for the day but what if it was a really long labour again? Could she really put DD to bed with me labouring in the other room?? She could take DD to my brothers with a night bag he is about 45 mins away…

help! I am getting worried! my friend decided not to have a home birth because her toddler would be at home and thinks I am mad to consider it with a 2nd!

weebairn · 28/06/2014 18:26

3, do I need a 2nd backup person if my mum doesn't get there on time?? (god how I'd love a 4 hour labour! think i'm dreaming though!) All my friends around here have young children, I don't feel I can ask them!

PenguinsHatchedAnEgg · 28/06/2014 19:51

Yes, you need back up! My first labour was over 30 hours, my second 9 ish and my third 4.5.
Also, you could be an hour in, have meconium in your waters or something and they would want to transfer you in.

Ask around. Believe me, people understand how special a circumstance labour is. Friends with small children and neighbours were falling over themselves to offer back up. Knowing it is for a maximum of about five hours will help with volunteers. As will knowing that you are compiling a list so you aren't relying just on them.

Or hire a doula who would be happy to babysit if push came to shove.

RhinestoneCowgirl · 28/06/2014 20:00

DS was 2.5 when DD arrived (both homebirths). My mum was booked to come and stay the day after my due date to look after DS, we also had a doula. I also had back up mates in case I went into labour early as it would take my mum 3 hrs to get to us.

What happened in practise is that my mum arrived late afternoon and I cooked tea for us all, having a few twinges but kept them to myself. Then we all went to bed early, woke up at midnight as waters had broken, told mum to stay in bed and DH came downstairs with me. Doula came out, followed by MW about 2am. DD arrived just before 6am, and my mum did come down for the birth as DS was still asleep.

DS woke up briefly after DD was born but as it was still dark was convinced by my mum to go back to sleep for a hour. He then came down to meet DD when everything was cleared away and we all had breakfast together.

Then my truly magnificent mum bustled DS out of the house before 9am (in mid December!) and took him down to the local park while me and DH had a nap.

Second labours are often (but not always) quicker, but I wanted enough people around to cover all eventualities, e.g. transfer into hospital etc. We had a Doula as well as my mum as mum had some health issues at the time which might have prevented her coming to stay.

Xcountry · 28/06/2014 20:10

no one, mine were outside having a snowball fight. We were snowed in so there was no choice really but theres a neighbour a bit over the way who we called to make sure they could look after them if worst come to worst.

I really don't know how we would have got transferred if anything went wrong, even our tractor was pretty useless with sheer amount of snow and so was the truck.

mashpot · 28/06/2014 20:17

I'd arranged for my parents to come and take DS (2.5). They live 5 hours away but labour 1 was 48 hours so didn't worry too much. In the event DD was born very quickly with DS right there by my side while DH delivered the head before paramedics arrived! My SIL arrived just after the birth to take DS away so the three of us could gave some quiet time before my parents arrived.

I do think you need a plan in case of giving to transfer though. Hopefully won't happen but did for a friend of mine on 2nd home birth.

Grannyapple · 28/06/2014 21:56

Hmm interesting reading this thread...I'm considering a home birth for no 3. No 1 labour was 12 hours (DS), no 2 was 5 hour (DD). I'm just not sure how i'd feel about the kids being around whilst I'm in labour. I'd defo want DH there for the birth but worried he'd get dragged away to look after the kids. We're in London, family are in Scotland, tho sis could be down week of due date & MIL or SIL could be down for 2nd week so could have options for cover for kids & in case of transfer. I also have a few close friends who would be on standby if need be too.

I keep thinking this labour is bound to be quicker but also for last labour mw's just left us to get on with it really (not a criticism, they just know when to leave you alone really) & only really came in when I was ready to push. Plus that first night in hospital is never a rest anyway I find as too much noise & then babies all set each other off. Plus this'll be my last baby so I'm thinking I'd like to give home birth a rry. Last 2 births have been both natural (waterbirth for DS, no pols available for DD's birth as it was busiest day they'd ever had last July!).

LynetteScavo · 28/06/2014 22:05

DD was born when DS1 was 6yo, and DS2 2yo and we had NO suitable childcare, hence the homebirth. DS2 woke up while I was in labour and DH had to go and look after him, so for a while it was just me and the midwife.

When DD was actually being born I called for DH to come downstairs...he hesitated as wasn't sure about DS2 seeing the birth, but at the actual birth DH and DS2 were there.

If I'd had to transfer to hospital, I was prepared to go without DH.

pootlebug · 28/06/2014 22:09

My Mum came down when I was in labour for my 2nd, and stayed upstairs in bed through the night - which was when I gave birth. The main reason I wanted someone there was in case I had to go to hospital in a hurry - so that DH could come with me and have someone there at home for DD1. She didn't come downstairs until after the baby was born - I wouldn't have wanted her in the room and she wouldn't have wanted to be there!

With DC3 she arrived the day before....I wasn't in labour but was 11 days overdue and due to go into hospital for monitoring etc the next day so she came down just in case. It was a much faster labour and there wouldn't have been time for her to get down once it had started.

IdaClair · 28/06/2014 22:14

Dc downstairs with dh.

Came in to see me every 20 minutes or so. Chilled out. Joined me for the end bit, baby born, full on family time for hours and hours. Dc rang all family to tell them about baby from the family bed.

Do whatever you feel like.

SetTheWorldOnFire · 28/06/2014 22:19

DS1 was asleep upstairs throughout DS2's birth, however I was transferred to hospital after the birth. My mum lives about 10 mins away so DP dropped DS1 off and then came to the hospital.

We were very close to it working perfectly and I'd have loved to have DS1 wake up, meet his brother, have family cuddles and then go to Granny's for a while so we could have a rest, but you have to work with what you get. I would try the same again if I was having more children, but have plenty of emergency back-up plans.

Finola1step · 28/06/2014 22:19

My sister collected my ds and took him back to my mum's for the night. Ds was nearly 3 at the time.

I did that in case I needed a quick transfer into hospital. I remember pacing up and down in my room, waiting for them to leave. As soon as they did I thought "Right lets get cracking". Dd arrived half an hour later. Lovely.

Astralabe · 29/06/2014 21:29

We had this complicated spreadsheet for who was around to look after DD according to day / time etc. we did book her into nursery for the 4 weeks surrounding my due date and in the event DS was born at home while she was there. Came home to a new brother - was lovely.
Would definitely recommend home birth with the proviso you rest afterwards. The temptation is you're at home already, with older kid too and you do too much.

littlejohnnydory · 13/07/2014 11:25

My dc went to my mum's during birth of dc2 and dc3, as she lived around the corner. Planning home birth of dc4 in the Autumn and I think the other dc will be at home with us. I know that if I had to transfer to hospital for any reason I'd have to leave dh behind with the children but just going to cross my fingers as I don't think there's any alternative. We've moved a 6 or 7 hour drive from family now and I don't get on with my parents, there is no way I'd be comfortable having my mum to stay in my house - so fingers crossed we can all be at home together! I do have 2 friends who have had home births with dc present.

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