no dh at birth!!??

[mismylinford]

my friend is weeks away from giving birth and she's decided she dosnt want her husband their. they are very loving couple and very close to each other so i couldn't hide my shock when i was told she didn't want him there and she would just have the midwife no birthing partner at all.
if that what she wants then each to their own. but is this normal has anyone given birth on their own by choice? on is my friend unusual in her choice?

My DH was there for DC1. He did everything 'right', but I could tell he wasn't 100% comfortable.
So for all our other DC I have had a friend as a birth partner, and DH comes over once baby is born.
Works well for us. The main thing is to have somebody there that is 100% up for it. DH was like a deer in the headlights!

!!??

Each to their own.

I would like to give birth on my own this time. DP isn't great with medical situations and whilst he would willing to be there I see no point in him attending just because he 'should', it isn't a spectator sport and he would be far more useful at home caring for existing DC so I can relax knowing they are fine and being well looked after. I may ask my Mum but that would be more for her benefit than mine, as it would mean the world to her.

Do wasn't there for ds2.
I had no birthing partner..just midwife.
What's the problem?

Of course it's 'normal'.

DH fainted at DS2's birth.

DS3's birth was an easier experience without him there.

I think it's less common these days, but whatever works for each couple - no point in having someone there who would struggle to cope.

I gave DP the option.

Cos' I know I wouldn't have been thrilled with the prospect of watching someone give birth (I am a wuss with blood).

He got little option in the end as DS1 was so quick.

I know a few people who have done this, ultimately it has to be the woman's choice, she is the one giving birth and it's not a spectator sport.

I have had 3 c sections, with the 2nd I went in on my own. We had no childcare and in all honesty I was not fazed by it at all. The medical team were great and chatted to me throughout, they had my camera and took the first pics etc. by the time my dp (ex) arrived with ds1 when he finished school we were clean, fed,watered and comfortable on the ward ready for visitors :)

I am planning a homebirth this time round partly because I want to be left alone for as much of it as poss. So DH will be there but doesn't have to be in the same room unless I need him.

I suppose people need t do what feels right for them. I couldnt have got through my births without my DH. He was amazing both times and it gave me huge added love and respect for him.

DS1 and dp stayed together when I had elective section for ds2.They came in after ....

DP was there for DS's birth and he tried his best but he wasn't much use to be honest.

If I did it again (I won't) I would have my mum or bf as a birth partner and DP would meet his child afterwards.

I think it's great that your friend isn't be directed by what she 'should' do and is instead thinking of what is best for her.

isn't being

Ex was there for the first labour (we were together at the time)but was absolutely useless and just made things far more stressful than they needed to be. His is conditioned to believe that all medical professionals are gods and should never be questioned so I was bullied into accepting unwanted physical exams and syntocin without pain relief etc.

Thankfully he wasn't allowed in theatre for the eventual c section, although I was fully conscious throughout (not UK).

DH is wonderful - a very calming and comforting presence but when I was considering vbac I did consider just having MIL there. He hates hospitals and anything medical - a legacy of being in a family of medical professionals! Eventually though, he accompanied me for elcs and all was fine.

I really don't see the need to have partners at birth. Think they possibly find things quite traumatic at times and aren't always the best at keeping either themselves or the woman calm.

My husband wasn't there for my fourth birth which was dd1, he felt ill (was very hot in hospital) and left the room for about 10 mins, the labour was very easy and out she came. He regrets it even now, 10 years on.

I don't see why this is so shocking for you OP. Maybe she just wants some privacy when giving birth. Maybe she doesn't want him to see her pushing a human out of her nether regions.

I would probably prefer to have my mum with me. At least she's done it twice before so can appreciate how hard it is. In theory I wouldn't mind my partner being with me when I give birth, provided he stayed at the top end of the bed at all times. But I have to say I think he would find it incredibly distressing.

I don't see the issue. They are clearly doing what is right for them. It is worth her bearing in mind that in a busy hospital not bringing a birthing partner could mean a lot of labouring alone, not with a midwife though.