VBAC inducing/CS, and childcare issues if I go late.

[theborrower]

I went into labour with my DD on her due date, and ended up with an EMCS.

I'm pregnant again, and aiming for VBAC but have agreed to be induced if I get to 41. If I'm unable to be induced (because they can't break my waters), I've asked to have a CS.

I've decided on a week, rather than 10-12 days because of childcare issues - my entire family (who are close by) are going away on holiday at 40+9. My MIL is not near by - 1.5 hours in good traffic, so we can expect a delay of 2 hours before she'd be able to get here.

And this is where I'm probably being very unreasonable. I feel much more comfortable with my own family coming to look after DD in the middle of the night (because they could be over in 10-15 minutes), or doing the nursery pick up because they've done it before. And I feel funny about my MIL coming to stay in my bed. She hasn't looked after DD (nearly 4) before. Ok, there, I said it.

Anyway, the question is - if you were on time with your first, was your second very late? Or is there no pattern to this at all?

Or, should I stop being unreasonable, get over myself, just wait a few extra days and let my MIL come to look after DD, even if it involves a longer wait for her to get here?

DH is a bit offended that I'd rather have a CSS than let his MIL look after DD.

Should say - it's because he knows how difficult I found the CS emotionally, and I would rather avoid a CS if possible for physical recovery reasons.

Wait a few extra days, let nature take it's course as far as possible and baby stay put as long as they want to, your dd will be fine and your mil may well rise to the challenge. You can always do a dummy run a few weeks before?

P.s I had one emcs and one failed vbac but all was fine, 1st baby 14 days over, 2nd 6 days over

Thanks Summer. I guess I'm also worried that the 2 hour delay will mean me going to hospital on my own while DH waits for them to come down, although thankfully we are only 10-15 mins drive from the hospital. We don't know how fast this labour will be, given that my first didn't complete. I'm really hoping that baby is like its big sister, though, and makes a timely appearance! Just easier all round.

Planned section on or before your due date. Child care sorted. I had emcs first time. ELCS second. Recovery was a doddle second time compared to first. And both times quicker than my SIL who had a nasty tear after her vb.

EMCS first time - 3 weeks early. VBAC second time - 2 days late.

My first labour I went from nothing to fully dilated in 4.5 hours so I was slightly panicked that my second labour would be super fast, but actually from my waters breaking (first sign of labour) to DD2 being born was 6 hours (so about the same speed as first time I think, given that I was taken to theatre for emcs at 10cm dilated so didn't do the second stage).

I had planned to send DD1 to a neighbour when I went into labour second time, but when it started she was in bed and sound asleep and the weather was dreadful (February) so I didn't feel right getting her up and taking her out into the night (albeit it would only have been to the house directly opposite ours, about 20 yards away!) So I rang my DMum and sent DH to pick her up to come and stay with DD1. In the end I had DD2 at home though, which was perfect (I had a midwife with me but hadn't planned to delivery at home).

Further unhelpful anecdotal 'evidence' about birth dates:

Friend 1 - DC1 born on due date, DC2 12 days past due date
Friend 2 - DC1 born one day early, DC2 10 days past due
DMum - DC1 born at 28 weeks, DC2 on time
Friend 3 - DC1 born 39 weeks, DC2 born 37 weeks

I think you just can't tell really! Do you have a friend or neighbour who knows your child well and who would help you out if needed?

bonzo I know, it's tempting, but for various reasons I do want to VBAC if I can.

emsyj unfortunately, no - neighbours are elderly and we don't know them well enough (moved here last year). Friends that are close by also have small children, and work, and I don't feel that I could ask them, it would be too disruptive for their family too.

DH and I talked about it again earlier - I'm still worried about the delay in them getting here, and then putting them up ( we don't have a spare room, or an enormous flat).

Please, baby, just come on time to make things easy!

Had a GREAT vbac 2 weeks ago. I was 40+6 according to dates, 41+2 according to scans. Give yourself the extra time, there's nothing worse than being overdue and stressed out because the day is getting closer...

If you were at all dilated first time round I think you are likely to be a bit dilated by your due date second time. I had a sweep at 39weeks and they could tell me then that they would be able to break the waters if it didn't start off spontaneously.

Recovering has been a breeze compared to my CS, even with a 2nd degree tear.
Good luck!

moas I was apparently 3cm fully effaced (sic) at the point of EMCS last time, and labour was spontaneous, so I'm hoping that's all favourable for a timely, spontaneous labour this time!

That's great about your VBAC, glad it went well - and you're enjoying your new baby

Dd1 EMCS on due date and dd2 successful vbac 6 days early. I was prepared to go to 41weeks as well more for physiological reasons than anything.
Best of luck.

I guess one option might be to ask a friend to come just whilst your family are in transit. Then if you have a quick labour you won't have to worry about heading off, but you're not asking them to stay all night etc so you needn't feel that you're imposing on them. I wouldn't mind doing this at all.

A friend, who lives less than a 10 min walk from the hospital, has offered to hold my hand if I need to go in on my own while DH waits for his mum, which is nice!

I guess it all just depends on what time of day I need to go in! During the day or rush hour will mean a longer journey time for the MIL, but if it's a nursery day DD will already be there. If not, I guess I'll go in on my own or ask if a friend can chum me for a bit while DH waits for MIL. If it's middle of the night, my friend could accompany me in hospital (she works and has two small kids). Just trying to work out different scenarios!

DD1 - waters broke at 39+1. I had an EMCS for failure to progress. Stuck on 6cms after 40 hrs. Joy.
DD2 - after lengthy disscussion, review of notes and appointments with obstetricians/consultants I decided against VBAC and scheduled an ELCS at 39 weeks. Devil I knew, notes indicated but did not conclusively prove a "narrow pelvis", risk of tearing/damage down below as well as a CS scar so I chose ELCS.
DD2 had other ideas, and my waters broke at 37+1 around 9.30am. Labour and dilation were fairly quick once they got going and she was born with forceps "assistance" at 9.30pm.

I was initially thrilled to have delivered naturally as had felt a total failure after DD1. Review of notes 3 yrs later was edifying. Until then I had had no idea that she was back to back, or that they had concerns about the size of my pelvis.If you haven't yet had a formal review, I WOULD DEFINITELY DO THIS BEFORE DECIDING. In retrospect, I wish I had had my planned ELCS, I had 12 weeks of serious discomfort. I had recovered far faster from my first EMCS.

Clinical advice was not to induce with prior CS so if natural labour had not been progressing, I was insisting on a second EMCS/ELCS regardless.

In your case, if your preference is to have a VBAC and it is really important to you, then I am really surprised (and can understand why both your DH and MIL would be insulted) that you would chose a CS over her looking after your DD. If that actually came about, wouldnt you always look back in years to come wondering what it? I'd arrange for a friend/neighbour to look after DD until your MIL can be there. My MIL covered the 70 miles to our place in 55 mins door to door when her usual driving time is 1hr 45

DD is nearly 4. She's old enough to understand whats going on and for it to be explained to her that when mummy goes to hospital it could be at any time of day or night. If it all takes place before your family go away, and there are complications then there's a reasonable chance you may ask her for help anyway. Don't burn bridges would be my advice, speaking as someone who was back in hospital for a long weekend of phototherapy with a jaundiced child after a week at home.

My MIL was a godsend even if I did come home to a kitchen that had been scrubbed to her standards and a DH half a stone heavier from all the puddings

treadsoftly I know what you're saying and you're right, I would wonder what may have happened if I'd waited a bit.

My EMCS was for undiagnosed breech. This Baby is head down, and I'm having growth scans this time round (because DD was tiny) so they are sure about this. It's also in my notes - at my insistence! - that they scan on arrival at hospital in labour to double check presentation in case Baby moves in the interim. So hopefully this won't be an issue this time (undiagnosed, that is). As far as I'm aware there are no other concerns about a vaginal birth e.g pelvis etc. I've been told I've got a good chance of delivering vaginally - well, as much as any woman does, if you see what I mean.

I've got another consultant appointment next week - I'll tell him that I've changed my mind and won't go to inducing/ planned section at 41 weeks but will wait it out. We'll figure it out when it happens. While MIL may be a distance away (though I seriously doubt they can improve on 1.5 hours drive time because of the required route!) we are thankfully close to the hospital so we don't need to worry about that journey afterwards. I've been told I'll definitely deliver at that hospital, rather than being shifted to the other mat unit an hour away (presumably because of facilities).

Thanks everyone.

It's very easy to drive yourself nuts with planning every scenario. Almost guaranteed that the outcome will be something you haven't thought of. Call me a cynic about the whole childbirth process but:

a) if you go early or on time, your own family close by will be around
b) if you go overdue and all is normal - presentation etc, then unless your second child is also v little, there's a reasonable chance of labour taking more than 2 hours for a first vaginal delivery conditioned not to say "natural" by MN warriors. I think you would have to have a very very fast labour to need to offload your DD and get to the hospital with less than 2 hrs warning.

My MIL had packed a bag, weeks and weeks before my due date. I had no bag packed, on either occasion.
It's a nice opportunity for DD1 to be spoiled by her grandmother too. 4 is a nice age - able to say when they are tired, hungry and thirsty and no worries about your MIL having to change nappies etc.

Re scenario 2, yes, but I have been advised that I will need to labour in hospital and not at home, because I will need continuously monitored. But yes, hopefully things won't move so fast that we're caught out!