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Childbirth

Share experiences and get support around labour, birth and recovery.

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Original poster

Present for friend who has had a traumatic birth experience

21 replies

Socci · 31/08/2006 17:03

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liquidclocks · 31/08/2006 17:09

The most enourmous hug you can possibly give along with a card saying that whenever she needs you that you can be there. Acknowledge she's had a really frightening and tough experiencebut take her cues on whether she wants/needs to talk about it or whether she needs to focus on the future and baby - perhaps it will be something she re-visits later and just let her know you'll be there if/when she wants to.

Then a lovely cute baby gift and focus on what an amazing woman she is to produce such a gorgeous bundle!

I'm sure you'll get other ideas but that's what I think I'd do.

lalaa · 31/08/2006 17:11

Someone got me some lovely shower gel (Clarins or some other brand like that). Fab because it makes you feel special and everyone has to wash at some point, even when the newborn is taking up all your time....

belgo · 31/08/2006 17:11

What about vouchers for a massage/spa/facial something that she can relax and spoil herself?

desperateSCOUSEwife · 31/08/2006 17:11

just be there for her
offer some meals for dh and kids
and help out when she is home
xxx
lovely thought btw

Spidermama · 31/08/2006 17:13

I would get her something unrelated to birth. Something for her.

My friend bought me a pair of really lovely french knickers after I had a miscarriage and I was so touched. They were lovely but mainly I was just really grateful that she thought of me at such a difficult time.

You're a good friend socci.

alexsmum · 31/08/2006 17:13

life after birth is an awful book -don't buy her it!
if you want to buy something specifically for her go down the luxurious smellies/bath stuff road.ideal for washing away the smell of sick that will cling to her for thenext 12 months(or was that just me?)

Original poster

Socci · 31/08/2006 17:16

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Hadalifeonce · 31/08/2006 17:16

I sent my friend a package from 'Hotel Chocolat' which was Champagne & chocs; they both loved the idea of a non-baby present.

Original poster

Socci · 31/08/2006 18:31

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pupuce · 31/08/2006 18:33

I agree about a present for her !
Also when it is appropriate talk to her about Birth Crisis or Birth Trauma association... very good to listen to traumatised women...

Albert · 31/08/2006 18:39

I cooked dinner for my friend and her husband for three days after the birth of her twins - wish someone had done that for me! And left flowers and chocolates and yummies around the place too.

Original poster

Socci · 31/08/2006 18:51

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saka · 31/08/2006 18:54

I would also say some nice smellies/bath stuff would be nice. I also smelt of sick (you are not alone alexsmum!) for a good 12 months and felt quite unkempt and dowdy for ages, so it was a good cheer up.

Dinners made also sounds really really good too!

danceswithmonkeys · 31/08/2006 19:02

When I had an emergency section (not traumatic just cervix stalled at 8 cms after three days and dd was getting tired) friend brought round homemade flap jacks....YUM.
Or how about Molton Brown shower gels...very nice and she's unlikely to buy them for herself. Also giant, giant bar of Cadbury's dairy milk.

Original poster

Socci · 31/08/2006 19:50

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SueW · 31/08/2006 20:35

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This has been withdrawn by MNHQ at OP's request.

SydSnow · 01/09/2006 15:43

A gift voucher for a cleaner!? Some cleaning agencies have these.

3andnomore · 03/09/2006 23:49

((((Socci)))))
your friend is really lucky to have such a thoughtful friend!
The main gift you can present her with is your time and your shoulder to cry on. Someone who listens, someone she can trust not to judge her for what she is feeling and also someone who can give reassurance that these feelings are normal.
One thing best not to say is: Ah well, doesn't matter, both you and the Baby are fine! Because it makes you feel inadequat for any negative feelings you may harbour. Not disputing the fact that of course it is important that you both are physically alright....it's just well, the emotional side is also so important.
Someone mentioned already to tell her about the Birthtrauma association and I can only 2. that they are fantastic.
As for a gift you can buy or make...if she likes to read, that might be something...a nice novel, or whatever she enjoys. Maybe a aroma therapy kit and some Bach's Rescue Remedy could also be good...(I swear that Bach Flower remedy truely helped me through some low and stressful times and it is alright even if you breastfeed, so will be suitable no matter how your friend feeds her lil one)!
Chocolate, if she has a sweet tooth
Sorry, I can only really think of the obvious here, I think!

nearlythree · 04/09/2006 08:33

Life After Birth is dreadful. Chuck it in the bin!

I had the same type of birth with dd1. I would have liked lots of positive baby things, plus some help with dd1 - I was so all at sea.

nearlythree · 04/09/2006 08:34

Oh, and How Not to be a Perfect Mother by Libby Purves is a great post-natal baby book.

cupcakes · 04/09/2006 08:41

I am probably alone here but I really liked Life After Birth. I had a terrible birth where ds and I were both at risk and had an emergency cs under a general. I felt traumatised for ages afterwards but found comfort in the book - it made me less guilty about how awful I felt.
As a present though it could be a bit negative if it makes her feel worse. Maybe just offer to lend her your copy. I would go with getting her some nice (Clarins etc) shower gel - at least it's something she'll get to use regularly and will remind her that you have been thinking of her.

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