The first few days - guidance please

[mmiotte]

I've heard all sorts of stuff about pregnancy, the actual birth and being at home and being on constant boob alert, but would anyone just go through their experiences of leaving hospital, getting home and those first few days. What happened when they got home and it was just them and DH? How did you cope if you had never had a babe before? Does it come naturally or is that just a myth? Also Do you just do demand feeding at the beginning even if you plan to try getting into a routine later on?

I feel completely ignorant of what to expect and would love some sage advice.

Am 36 weeks, so time is drawing nigh and I'm starting to worry that I know nothing.

The first night home is likely to be horrendous. I'm not trying to worry you, but if you're prepared it doesn't feel as bad. A mw warned me when I took ds home that the first night would be terrible and it wasn't - he just slept and fed a bit.

DD otoh, screamed the place down for hours, she was crying, I was crying, dh was crying, ds was crying, my mum was crying. It was honestly the hardest night of my life. In the morning dh suddenly said 'don't you remember being warned with ds that the first night would be like that?' and it didn't feel as bad then.

Forewarned is forearmed or whatever the expression is!

I remember feeling like this and had been a nanny for nearly 6 years and still panicing!

You do know you're baby, sometimes you're just not listening tho! You know whats right for them and trust yourt instincts.

I would say the first night is probably the worst as they have to get used to 'home' and you and DH... And you may feel as you have no sleep that night but it does get better and all stanges come to an end- even the bad ones.

Sleep when you can, Don't worry about cleaning as long as you eat properly and baby is clean it's all that matters. Take lots of phots, as I can't really remember DD and she's not even 2 yet!

As my mw told me some nights you'll feel like the only woman in the world awake pacing the floor with their baby but you're not and it ends.

I fed DD every three hours religiously in the day- say from 5am onwards and then she took on enough to go 4 hours in the night and slept through from 7 weeks, which kept my sanity which I think is important, you still need time for you and your hubbie/partner.

Good luck, i'm 37 weeks with number two and it's still overwhelming to me!

TBH (and this is probably not what you want to hear) being a Mummy didn't come naturally to me in the first few weeks. I think it probably had something to do with a long and exhausting labour and an awful stay in hospital. We bought my ds home and I remember crying and thinking "what have I done?"!!

The first few days were very hard going but once we'd caught up on a bit of sleep (thanks to my Mum) it got easier and easier.

I don't think anyone can be prepared for having their first baby. Just accept help where you can, don't try to do too much. Enjoy getting to know your baby in the first few weeks and ignore anyone who tells you that you need to start a routine (i.e. feed them at certain times, have a set bedtime etc) all of that will come when the baby is settled at about 3 or 4 months (if you feel ready).

Good luck!

i think I only realised how much my life had changed when looking back over the first year you know how you kind of just get on with things?

My advice now i have 2 kids is, one baby is so much easier than having a toddler round too! If it gets hard,imagine how much harder it would be if you had to actually think of anyone else except yourselves Be totally selfish; lounge around enjoying him/her, go with the flow. Remove all clocks, so you dont clock watch at night, then night feeds etc wont even be an issue. If you focus on the baby, nothing else seems to matter.

My other bit of experience-based advice is... its nor the end of the world if it wants a cuddle but you need a wee! Put it down and go, dont worry about it crying for the 2 mins you're gone!! I used to lie holding it in for ages , counting down till dh was due home, as ds1 was very very clingy. ds2 just gets abandoned when the need takes me

leaving hospital - like being let out of prison (I'd had a traumatic birth and CS under general so was in for five days and desperate to get home!)

my feelings may well be different to many, as I had such a bad time in labour and birth; I think I was quite traumatised really. But when I walked in to my house with DS for the first time, it felt totally bizarre that the house was just the same. I felt I had been through something so huge, that it seemed wrong for everything at home to be the same. That sounds mad I know.

DH spent the first couple of days popping out for things, extra pillows for me as I couldn't get comfy etc. Stuff for the baby that we didn't know we needed until we needed it iyswim, just little extras.

First night at home, ds awake most of the night, dh and I were like headless chickens trying to keep him fed, burped, changed, clothes changed when he puked......

That first few weeks, we kept ds in his moses basket with us all the time and made no attempt at a routine, just fed him when he needed it basically. Think it was after about a month that we started to put him up in his room during the evening to sleep and we got our evenings back...bliss. After about a month we also started to feed at regular intervals instead of every time he cried! and this resulted in a much more settled, happy baby.

That first week there were lots of tears and some moments when I thought "This is the worst thing I have ever done"...and I hated my life.

But every day your attachment to the baby grows more than you could believe, and it all balances itself out quite quickly.

Good luck, hope it goes well for you!

Relax, enjoy it. The birth is over and your beautiful baby is in your arms.

You can ask the midwives in hosp for advice on nappies and bathing etc and afterwards too. There are always people around for help (and here of course).

Stock up now on food so you dont have to
worry about meals in the first 2 weeks.

I demand fed all my 3 when they were small just as I found that easier in the end, I think you get to know them better and what they want/need.

Snuggle up in bed and feed, relax eat, sleep and coo over this new little person. How lovely for you!

mmiotte, my DD is now 6 months. I remember the first day home from the hospital as if it were yesterday! I felt totally lost at first, but found the way to cope is to take one step at a time. Get DH, or whoever else is there with you, to make a cup of tea, introduce baby to her new home, and take half an hour to just sit and let it sink in a bit.

If you are BFing, just concentrate on that for the first few weeks. Definitely demand feed, however you are feeding, and sleep whenever you can. Don't worry about housework - if you can get a relative/friend/neighbour to do a bit of hoovering or washing up or whatever, then do!

don't worry about dressing, but you must eat, and will probably feel better for a nice shower too. don't worry if baby is crying - as long as she is fed, with a clean nappy and in a safe place, ie the cot, then you can take 10 minutes to wash. Supermarket delivery services are a life-saver, and a full freezer of ready meals, home-made or bought, is essential !!

however well meaning, visitors will generally focus on the baby and forget that you just gave birth, so be a bit selfish and ask them to stick the kettle on themselves, nip out to the shop to buy milk/choccy biscuits etc! Also, if you don't want any visitors, be firm and just say no. They can come round later when you are up to it.

Don't worry about feeling you know nothing - even if you know everything you still know nothing, IYSWIM!!

I b/f and gave expressed milk to both of mine on day two, and worked well for me.

Remember that they pooh an amazing amount - get coverage wherever you're changing them (on a hospital bed when my dd decided to give me her first muconium present - which is jet black by the way)!!!

Get lanolin (think that's the name) nipple cream on hand.

Oh - and do your first wee in the bath, cos it stings like mad!!! And doing your first pooh can hurt a lot.

Not being negative - just preparing you so it's not a shock!!

Great advice from you all so thanks very much. I feel much more reassured.

Not quite got to the stage that I can't wait for it to arrive, although the increased amount of squirming going on inside me is getting a wee bit uncomfy - not sure what on earth is going on in there!

Only 2.5 more days of work, then plan to go and lie on my sofa, make some freezer meals and generally watch all the DVDs I've ever owned before pandemonium ensues.

Good luck to the rest of you waiting to have your LOs arrive in September.

Good luck with your baby- I often think its like a cat trapped in apillow case feeling towards the end when my bubba goes crazy.

Even for me- second time around the advice rings true, even though DD is only nearly two half of this stuff I have forgotten. It really is important that you rest when you can and don't feel bad if you say NO to visitors.

Good luck!

Good luck everyone, your lifes will change irrevocably, sometimes for the better, sometimes for the worse.
But you will understand unconditional love. Maybe not on the first day and maybe not for a few weeeks, but we all get there.

We've been blessed for a year now and however much we joke about not being able to take him back (warranty expired!) when he won't sleep or eat or whatever, you're bringing an individual into the world who even at a very early age has their own unique way of doing things. it will be scary at times, but I guarantee you that you are about to embark on the most amazing journey of your lives..

I also remember being in DAU the day beofre I went in to labour with DD and the midwife saying she thought we had a lazy, laid back baby... as she didn't move much and I had reduced movements. When she was born she wasn't at all laid back!!! I had joked to the mw that if she was wrong I would be returning her for an exchange...

I wouldn't be without her now, those nights you're sat up feeding and cuddling a crying baby are magical although at the time don't seem it. You cannot imagine how much you can actually love such a tiny thing.

Definitely agree with getting a good brand of nipple cream in advance and applying it frequently to prevent any problems - have it in your labour bag! Also, (I might get shouted down at this suggestion, but here goes) one of my friends persuaded me to buy a couple of packs of ready made formula just in case I had problems breastfeeding the baby - she said there is nothing worse than trying (without success) to get a hungry baby to latch on at 2am. Fortunately, I never needed it as baby knew exactly what to do, thankfully, but it gave peace of mind...

I would say that the formula thing is ideal too- yes in someways it gives you the option to 'give-up' but at 2am who wants to be finding a 24hr tesco and buying formula and bottles.

With DD I had four bottles and a microwave steriliser- I figured i'd use them expressing... But left hospital formula feeding as I had no milk this time I have four bottles too but am def going to breast feed - even if it means formula feeding to begin with, until my milk comes in.

Pol,better luck this time.

It is the action of sucking that gets the milk flowing,so giving formula 'while the milk comes in' will,in the long run,actually stop it coming at all.

There are only tiny amounts to begin with,but the baby has sufficient stores in the body to keep going.

It may be worthwhile asking your MW if there is a breastfeeding workshop you could go to?

One of the best bits of advice I got was from MN while searching for advice about dd feeding ALL THE TIME. Discovered existence of growth spurts and someone had advised to take to bed and just let dd bf right through it and not to panic. Def worked (tho if ever have 2nd not sure what I would do!).
Also tell everyone who says over next few weeks ' better get your sleep in, you're going to need it!' to p*ss off. It is knackering and sadly sleep is not freezable in advance.

I know that putting babe to my breast each two/three hours is important too- talked it all through with my mw with DD. And even tried an electronic expresser and had no milk, not even to be syringed up to give to her. Felt so failing at the time but know it was mainly the hormones thinking I couldn't actually provide for my bubba!

This time i'm hopefully going to be more level headed about it and I know that last time when the milk came in- it did!!! And this time feel more confident in changing without getting nipple/teat confusion.

hear hear catrin!!!!!

the basics is that each experience is so individual and changes from day to day

our little one is barely sleeping at the mo, has colic, tries to feed all the time and we are getting 3 hrs sleep at night

he was previously sleeping loads and not feeding at all, so we had to syringe feed with formula

he's also been a complete angel and made the most wonderful faces, fed within seconds of the birth, bonded with mummy and daddy skin-to-skin

the first few weeks are MADNESS

I'm sure this is repeating what others have said but -
I left the answerphone on, put (nice) notes on the front door,
DH and I lived on pizzas and frozen meals I'd made in advance plus lots of fruit veg and drinks for me,
I just kept asking hospital, midwife and HV for help until the BF was established - didn't come straight away with dd1, ok with dd2 because they stuck her on me straight away.
I found getting dressed at a reasonable time in the morning helped me to feel I was coping, although I know that wouldn't work for everyone.
Sleeping when they sleep is a great idea - if you can, and if they do! If not, get someone in to watch the baby whenever you feel you can get a few hours.
My Dsis said she didn't need a DH, she needed a labourer and that's true! If you have one of those mums or MILS who are good at helping - that means doing what YOU want them to do, not what they think needs doing - use them!

The first time I had dd1 on my own, I didn't know what I was supposed to do when I needed the toilet, didn't think I could leave her, (and I was 35!) so I sat on the toilet holding this two week old baby, wondering how I was going to wipe my bum!
Ooh, and tears and stitches - they hurt! Really, really. And sometimes for weeks afterwards. And salt baths can help (helped me).

Helsy - LOL about the babe and wondering how to wipe one's bum - a tricky conundrum. Luckily I will have DH home for the first 2 weeks, so he can choose which one he wants to do. Since he approaches children like unexploded bombs, he may decide the bum-wiping is preferable!

Pol24 - thanks for the formula tip - I've had advice to have some in the background just in case, although am hoping that me and LO will work it out on the boob-front.

By the way, do you think I'm stressing becuase I'm an older first time mother (37) scared of losing control as it says in today's paper. Why do they write these things? It doesn't take a brain surgeon to work out that anyone, of any age is going to be somewhat perturbed when they have their first child becuase they haven't got a clue what to do. I can't imagaine that pregnant 16 year olds feel any more confident, do you?

Rant over!

I think personally at 37 you have a lot more 'life' experience to offer a child... I was 24 when preg with DD, had her when I was 25 and I guess and theres no regret but DP and I could've had more time together and maybe been selfish and do things for us- which is a rarity if ever now.

I think that panicking about coping is normal, whether you're 16 or 60! And even if it's not your first. It's natural, you want to do whats best for your baby and make sure they are healthy and happy.

You're on the right track being on mumsnet- you'll have lots of info and support!

some babies especially during winter develop jaundice. this might mean that you are both readmitted. jaundice can be very serious if not treated. so be prepared for the unexpected.

otherwise, lots of rest and at least two showers a day if stitches.

enjoy your baby

Ooh, just remembered top tip - when you are peeing for the first few times after giving birth, pour some lukewarm water over your bits at the same time - helps to dilute the pee and it doesn't sting quite so much, also helps to keep any stitches cleaner. I used a small cheap measuring jug. Must have confused people in the hopsital who saw me going to the loo holding a jug

Hi. Good luck, and have fun. My top tips are:
Don't even try to stick to a rigid routine from day one, but do have a structure for your day. We picked a 'wake up time' (7am) and a bedtime (7pm) and stuck to those, with a bedtime routine of feed, bath, bed.
And during the daytime, don't let your baby go more than 3 hours without a feed. Some little ones will want to feed often and that is great, but some, like ours, would sleep forever, which doesn't do any of you any good in the long run - baby won't get enough calories and may become jaundiced, your milk, if you are breastfeeding, won't come in well, and baby will get hungry eventually and spend all night awake to catch up. Absolutely feed before the 3 hours if your baby wants it, but during the night don't wake him/her, just let her sleep. And keep night feeds upstairs in the dark and quiet - keep night 'different'. Having said that, we did lift dd for a 'dreamfeed' at about 10.30pm, which worked for us.
For us, that was enough structure to know where we were and plenty of freedom to feel, well, free. Or as free as you can be with a newborn!
Most importantly, having a bedtime for dd that she stuck to more often than not meant that we could have a good dinner (our 'sanity time') - important once dh went back to work as some days it was the only unhurried meal I had. And the wake-up time and regular feeds during the day enabled that to happen.
No - most important is to be confident to do things the way that is best for you as a family. And accept help with the things you want help with; whatever helps you to relax. If that is having someone keep an eye on the baby while you bath, great, but if it is doing the hoovering, insist on that instead.
And enjoy every single second watching your tiny sleeping baby .