Still in shock 4 months later. Where do I find help to deal with traumatic birth?

[lilyruin]

I had very bad SPD, to the extent I was in a wheelchair for the last couple of weeks, so they induced me 10 days early.
The induction was started at midday, and after hours of waiting around I started having very mild contractions around 8pm. I was examined at 9.15pm and found to be 2-3 cm, so my husband and sister went off to have something to eat. 20 minutes later I started having intense contractions and at around 9.45 pm begged the midwife to take me up to labour ward so I could have some pain relief. I was told that I wasn't a priority case, and I would have to wait as there was no room for me. In floods of tears I asked her to take me to the toilet as I was bursting for a wee. She wheeled me to the toilet, and as I sat down on the toilet to have a wee my waters broke and the head started coming out. I screamed the house down and managed to unlock the door. 90 seconds after I sat on the toilet my baby boy was being rushed off as he wasn't breathing. I was left with the cord hanging between my legs in a pool of blood, amniotic fluid, and wee. I had lost 1.5 litres of blood and had 3rd degree tears.
It was without doubt the most scary, traumatising event of my life. I was all alone, apart from the midwife (and all the other ladies in the ward, just outside the toilet), and I didn't know what was happening. My first birth was 7 hours and was pushing for 50 mins, so this was not expected. All is fine now though. My baby is a very good size, and I'm physically all healed. Mentally, not so much.
So I guess my question is where dan I go, and what can I do to get help to come to terms with this all? I don't feel I can move on with my life until I get some kind of closure.

Oh my word lily. I didn't want to read and run but there are charities out there that can offer support and counselling such as this
I would also contact the hospital records department and ask for a briefing with your medical notes so you know all the details and have them in writing. I am disgusted in the way you were dealt with and I would be feeling so resentful about this.

Hope someone else is along shortly to offer you more advice.

Congratulations on your baby

Lily, it's a lot to process when you go through a situation like that. You find yourself asking a lot of 'what ifs' and drive yourself mad at times.
I had a traumatic time with my dd and put a brave face on til my dh said in front of the hv 'tell her how you're really feeling' and I broke down!

Anyway, what I found helped was I got in touch with the hospital and me and my dh went in and they went through everything that happened and why etc. They also answered a lot of questions we had. Would this be useful to you? I know this may be different to you as you feel let down by the hospital but might answer a few questions for you.
Big hugs op, it's difficult cos you know you're very lucky to have your gorgeous ds but I know I found it hard to drop thinking about it all?

Oh poor you OP, you had an awful time :( And it sounds like you might have good reasons to complain about the way you were treated.

Does your hospital do a birth debrief service? You can normally approach them direct. And you should see your GP and ask for additional counselling. You could ask your GP for a referral to the local perinatal mental health team (usually based partly at the hospital) for specialist counselling rather than have the usual generic NHS counselling. There should be a PND/birth trauma counsellor on the perinatal MH team. You can ask your HV for support, but the best person to approach is your GP.

, congratulations on your lovely baby, and all best wishes that you can get the support you need xxx

Oh I'm so sorry this happened to you OP.

I had a traumatic 1st labour - I had a debrief at the hospital with the consultant midwife about 4 months after my DD was born, it did help. But over 3 years later I was still feeling emotional and traumatised. When I got pregnant with DS I had another debrief to help put together a birth plan. I also had a couple of hypnotherapy sessions with someone who taught hypnobirthing. I can't stress how much of a difference these made - they taught me some visualisation techniques that took my bad memories and put them behind me and put my good ones (of the things I love about my DD) to the front. It gave me the tools I needed to be positive about the birth of my DS and move forwards from an experience I felt had weighted me down for years.

I'm so sorry to read this OP.
I had a traumatic birth too (my first), also fast, with SPD, my baby was in danger but suddenly too far gone for c-section - I gave birth on my back with MW and OH holding my legs apart as the SPD pain was so awful. I also had a PPH and went unconscious, needed blood transfusion.
I was at about he same point as you when I realised I needed help (at 3 months, a friend whose baby was born the same day said she felt she didn't need to talk about birth anymore, and I remember thinking something must be up because I can't stop talking (and crying) about it.

I found the birth trauma association website helpful. And having a debrief with the head midwife allowed me to see what happened and why (I lost big chunks of my memory due to going unconscious). I also had support from my HV. My husband was also quite traumatised, but he let me talk endlessly about it which helped. The GP mentioned counselling when DS was about a year old, but at that point I was adamant I wouldn't have another baby. He is now 3 and I'm 21 weeks pregnant. I'm still working through a lot of issues, but the rawness has gone, I'm planning on having a doula with me for this birth.
I hope you can get some help xx

Hi lilyruin
I'm sorry to hear of your trauma. What you need to do is request a meeting with the obstetric consultant for a debrief.

I had a traumatic birth and found that it helped me immensely. It will also give you an opportunity to get an plan in place if you decide to have more DC.
Good luck and all the best. Let us know how you get on OP. We are all rooting for you and wish you a speedy recovery.

You can call birth crisis. It is an organization set up by Shelia Kitzinger. contact details here