second time nerves

[saka]

Hi...

Last week I had a consultant appointment and was strongly recommended that I had a repeat c section.

My dd was born four years ago in Japan, by emergency section, as I had pre-eclamsia, and she was in distress. She was born at 36 weeks and when she arrived she was in severe respiratory distress and spent two weeks in intensive care. I was also hospitalised and very poorly for over two weeks. I know it will be different back in the uk, but last time I wasnt allowed to see her for 36 hours, I had definate pain when the sectoin was performed, along half of the incision area (they ended up knocking me out totally, and not even telling me they were going to do it...), and the whole thing was very very upsetting.

My daughter is almost four now, very healthy, strong and beautiful. I had no long term problems from the scar, it still is painful sometimes, especially now Im huge...That said, Im absolutely terrified.

Because Ive no notes and the hospital in japan will not tell the consultant here what type of incision they made last time, or how I was stitched internally, and because it appears this is quite a big baby, the consultant said the safest thing to do would be to section me again. I am happy to do the safest thing, and have no desire to have the natural birth experience for the sake of it.

I am so scared though. Dh and I split up earlier in the year, so Im going through this totally alone, I have no family at all - apart from my daughter. I do have a fwe friends, but since I only reteurned to the uk recently, noone Im really close to.

I had no pain relief after the previous section, and was in a lot of pain. This time I just want a postivie experience, and hopefully no dramas.

They are doing the section at 39 weeks, as long as I and the baby remain healthy. This seems a little late. I dont want to go into labour and have an emergency section.

Sorry for the rambling post, my brain is totally mush. Im very tired, and very worried. I dont want to go through this all alone, and I really am worried that it will be as bad as last time.

Saka

I am so sorry you are scared. Have you got any friends close by, can you afford a doula to be with you.

Is your scar vertical or horizontal.

Have you got someone to look after your daughter if you do have a section.

Sorry I am rambling too, just wanted to show you some support and bump this for you.

hiya saka just thought id say hi and good luck i hope it goes better than last time i no loads of people that have had setions with no problems hope ur same
what part of england r u from

Hi saka,
You've found the right place. Everyone on mumsnet seems really nice and supportive, so at least by sharing your hopes and fears here you should feel less alone. Have you posted in the ante-natal groups? They might have a meet up near where you live to meet others who could offer you some more support..I'm on the October thread and everyone is so nice

I had a ventouse delivery last time so cannot help with section help, but I can really understand your distress at not seeing your dd for so long after delivery - my dd had meconium aspiration and was also in intensive care, however it was only 6 hours until I saw her which seemed bad enough. While it was still amazing to meet her it was nothing like the euphoria friends have described on holding your own baby straight after the birth...I'm sure if you experience that it will help with your recovery.

Having read accounts of elective section on here it seems like an incredibly calm and lovely birth. I'm sure you'll find the exprience so much better than last time. Your consultant sounds good and I'm sure you'll find the care you receive excellent and make sure you demand as much pain relief as you want/need. Have you visited the maternity wards at the hospital to make sure you are happy with them?

Sorry I don't think my post really gives any answers, I just wanted to show some support. And welcome back to the UK

((Saka)) what a nightmare situation you had last time, I'm so sorry...and totally understand why you're feeling scared now. It must be really hard being on your own right now, and even more so having lived away for so long. And apart from normal pre-birth nerves, I am sure in your shoes I'd be revisiting the scary and upsetting memories from your last delivery...I'm glad you've found MN to come and get some support.

I had a section with my dd1 three years ago. It was an 'emergency' but not rushed, not really an emergency at all - just a failed induction that was never going to work, and I had high bp so section it was. For me, it was a safe, peaceful, and very happy experience - even though I hadn't wanted a section.

One thing that helped me prepare: I would really recommend you write down what is important to you, what you'd like and what you don't want (safety allowing) - a c-section birthplan. Then, if possible, go through it with your consultant - or your midwife, or both.

And if at all possible, I would also ask questions beforehand about pain relief, and about holding your baby as soon as possible. If you can tell your medical team your fears about both those things, and they can reassure you in advance, the whole experience could be so very different...hopefully a healing time, even.

And I second the idea of posting on an antenatal group thread...I am sure you'll get loads of support. Wishing you loads of luck and the happiest of deliveries, xxx

I don't really no what to say , except that

• it's totally normal to be scared, esp 2nd timne round, and esp after what you've been through
• you will be ok, you did it before, you can do it again. Everything will be ok.
• just keep calm. keep strong, try not to worry or get tense and just go with the flow and breathe..
• can you get hold of arnica tablets?
• I think and reckon I'm sooooo right, you are a strong woman, you have been through a lot and you are going to do this, you are going to be okay, it' sall good.
• I believe in you

Here is some ideas for a birth plan , click on left hand side caeserean birth plan

can't offer advice following experience BUT I would suggest you meak it clear to your mw and consultant exactly what you hopes and fears are regarding the birth.
I am sure they will put your mind at ease as as long as they are aware they can do their best to reassure you.

For differnt reasons I was scared about the birth off dd and I made sure my consultant knew. She was 100% aware of my fears and what I did/didn't want to happen. Just knowing she knew helped iykwim.

Good luck and let us know how you get on. xx

I just got back from the hospital. I went into (slightly) premature labour last night. I woke up with huge back ache which radiated to the stomach, then had a few braxton hicks, promptly threw up and ended up being ambulanced to hospital.

The contractions got regular - every 8 mins or so, but eventually calmed down. I was given steriods, and eventually let home late this evening, told to come back if it starts up again or my waters go.

Thank you for all the support. This is such a good place to have found. I had better get back to bed, but wanted to thank everyone.

saka

I'm glad you are ok Saka. I hope your experience with UK maternity services has helped ease some of the nerves. Hope you are also looking forward to holding your bundle of joy in your arms very soon. Let us know how the next few days go.

Thinking of you... x

That doesn't sound fun, Saka...but glad you got taken care of and given the steroids just in case. Thinking of you too, let us know how things go! xxx

Hello,

Im feeling absolutely awful, any activity at all sends me into strong and uncomfortable braxton hicks, I feel very weak and have the sensation that something - I presume the baby, is going to fall out, as well as sharp stabbing pains down below...Not nice..

However, it has made me think. I really really dont want that c section. I think I will ask for a trial of labour with the understanding I might have to have a general and an emergency section.

I had my baby in Japan - the first one. They dont know where the inside cut is, if it is a t or a verical or a lower segment horizontal. So the consultant is unwilling ot let me go forwards with the vbac. Also the baby is apparently big, and they cant be sure he wil fit.

I made the huge mistake of watching the internet vid of a section, which has scared me witless. I cant believe they did that to me last time. I should have been sensible and not watched. I really cant go through with the section now. I dont want to hurt my baby or myself, but I am terrified.

Sorry..feeling awful, irritable and generally like I just want to be in bed....which I cant do as my three year old needs me....

I guess Ill calm down at some point. Im trying to do all the positive things like a birth plan, but am finding the whole thing upsetting. I guess I lost it a bit...

Hi Saka,

Poor you, it sounds as though you have had a lot to deal with this year. Please please take it easy right now.

I wanted to reassure you about going into labour before the section appointment - it sounds likely! - it would hopefully not be a rushed emergency in the same way as your last one. When I was pregnant with with DS1, who was breech with his feet round his ears, I was told just to get to the hospital as quickly as possible if I went into labour before the appointment to try and turn him. I did go into labour a week before, and the section, although officially an "emergency", was really calm, we had our music playing, I had an epidural so was awake right through, and they gave me DS to cuddle straight away while they stitched me up. It was much more like an elective section. Honestly, it really was a pleasant experience.

It doesn't sound as though the Japanese hospital are being as helpful as they could be, and I can't imagine a hospital here not allowing you to see your child for 36 hours , even if you had a section they would get you there somehow, in a chair or something.

Where are you? Do you have anyone who could come and help out with your 3 year old? Any nice neighbours?

((Saka)) it does sound quite possible you will go into labour pre section date. And, as clairemow says, if you feel you can say whereabouts you are maybe someone could help out with your 3 yr old...sounds like a lot to cope with when yo'ure feeling so crappy.

Most of all, just wanted to say - I watched that video clip, and my section was nowhere near that 'rough'. If you want to avoid one, and can, thats great - but just in case you do end up needing another one, please know it need not be exactly like that film.

Rest as much as you can, borrow/buy DVDs or whatever it takes to keep ds occupied while you put your feet up, and do let us know if and how we can help...

Oh Saka, you really are going through a lot. What number of weeks are you now? You said the cs was booked for 39 weeks, so do you have long to go into labour before then? It is probably a shame you watched the section film, I think ignorance can sometimes be better than information! Just remember that if that ends up the course of action the person performing the surgery will be experienced, to them it will be a usual, routine day at work, and their only priority will be getting both you and the baby through the process as safely and quickly as possible.

I hope your 3 yr old is managing to make you smile and think about other things from time to time - is she excited about the new arrival? Are you happy with the care you've got arranged for her?

Take care and keep us updated xxx

sorry, meant dd

They booked me in for a section on the 13th October, at 39+5 weeks...so Ive ages to go. That seems a little late to me...but hey ho...

Im trying to take it easy, but it is hard. We moved recently so dont know people round here, a few friends, but they live miles away, and can only make it at weekends.

I got loads of puzzles and dvds today - actually made it out to a shopping centre. Im trying to persude dd that this can be fun.

Im still feeling pretty awful, I figure this is how I will feel until I either pop or they do the section.

Im a lot calmer about the section. If I have to do that, then I have to, Ill get over it. Im worried about dd. She is lvoely and has been making me laugh and smile a lot. I adore her and the feeling is mutual, esp now it is just us. She was very upset when I went into hospital. She loves going to friends and has a good time, but she misses me, esp at nighttime. I read her stories over the phone and called as much as I could (about every hour, but she was so very very upset and sad, and kept saying how much she missed me and loved me.

I will be alright, it is just difficult at the moment.

Thanks for the support and chat, it has really been helping knowing I can talk to someone about this. All my really close friends are in Japan and I miss a natter. Im just not up to going to and doing things to meet people and make new friends in the area.

saka

Hi Saka, I've been following your thread and hope you're feeling better. Its really hard when you have a very active toddler to entertain who naturally is going to miss her mummy and you feel awful.
What about getting a few books about having a baby to read with her to get her used to the idea that you'll be going into hospital etc? Maybe when you pack your 'labour bag' she can pack her own little bag with treats etc for her for 'when mummy is in hospital'.
At least with a planned section you can arrange your childcare and get her well prepared so she isn't stressed out by a middle of the night trip somewhere.
Amazon have a good selection of books - my dd loves Topsy and Tim and the New Baby. Also can highly recommend the CBeebies website and Bear in the Big Blue House dvds for when you're feeling knackered. Don't leave the house - just shop online!!