Childbirth after rape

[anxious123]

I don't have a clue where to even begin with this one, but just wondered if you thought the staff would react differently if they knew the baby was conceived during a rape? My midwife is aware, and I'm booked in for a section in a few weeks time. I just can't help feeling really paniced and freaked out by the thought of it all.

First of all, try to remember that the staff's goal is to help you, care for you and maintain your dignity. They want the best for you. Have you learnt any good 'grounding' techniques for when you feel panicked/overwhelmed? I used to (internally) talk to myself about what I could see around me or think about something like what I needed at the shops whenever I felt panicked (which happened a lot for a while after being raped). I know it sounds like silly things but I guess I felt more in control somehow.

And from the other side if the situation, I've done the professional handholding for women having skin surgery on their vulva and if a woman ever disclosed rape to us, we would only ever be extra sensitive, patient and caring.

Anxious defiantly have a chat or text your midwife so can put in your hospital notes about any certain things you want/don't want including that of after care. Mine was great when I had certain issues to discuss

Hospitals I've been in have never had overnight visitors stay and they have been very strict with visitors and times.

One other thing to consider is to call the supervisor of midwives at the hospital and ask them to ensure that all staff on duty on Wednesday are briefed about your case during the morning briefing - so you don't get any of those small talk chit-chat questions about birth partners etc from anyone involved in your care.

Wishing you all the best for Wednesday, you sound very very brave

might be a bit late to get beforehand, but it is a really really good book. www.amazon.co.uk/When-Survivors-Birth-Penny-Simkin/dp/1594040222/ref=sr_1_1?s=books&ie=UTF8&qid=1398171506&sr=1-1&keywords=when+survivors+give+birth

I would also look at this website: www.caesarean.org.uk/birthReports/LucyCS.html particularly this story as it shows how flexible the hospital can be with different requests. There is also a really good article on there to show you the sorts of questions and things you can request to make you feel more in control during your C section.

I wish you all the best. I have been constantly reassured that a c section is the best thing for me as it involves the least interventions down below compared with a natural birth.

I was going to make the same suggestion as a pp. Since you are having a planned section, they know what day you are going in. You can ask for staff to be briefed on your situation in morning briefing so that no one who might be with you in passing makes hurtful 'chit chat'.

Also, if the hospital is aware, you may well qualify for priority for a private room (provided it is medically possible). Very few allow overnight visitors, but you might feel more comfortable with your privacy.

Also have a think about whether you want staff to give you lots of details on what is going on during the surgery, or whether you prefer to 'zone out'. They can usually accommodate either preference if it helps you feel more comfortable. Likewise if there is any music that would help.

One practical thing you might want to think about before your CS. They will want to shave the top of your pubes beforehand as the incision is quite low down or i just have a very hairy mary. This is not the most dignified part of the day, and you might want to do it yourself with a mirror (and GEL, the NHS use dry razors), if getting a quick wax isn't an option.

I had an elcs last week and dads are encouraged to stay overnight. Each room/bay has a recliner chair for dads to stay. Not sure how routine this is. I had a private room but know the main ward was full of new dads too. May be worth bearing in mind x

I had similar issues from childhood abuse and did a vaginal birth. I got around it by just telling them I had a phobia medical procedures and people touching me down there, but the midwives were very understanding and fantastic. They waited until I was numb from the epidural and had gotten used to everything for about an hour or so before they put a catheter in and that really helped out. You can probably request that the numbing agent is in effect before they mess with anything down there. The midwives also explained everything they were doing and I had a mirror to see what was going on so there were no surprises (although, I kinda wish I didn't see a baby burst forth from my crotch, lol).

My situation is different in that I have a wonderful and caring husband who was allowed to stay with me the whole time in birth and at the hospital overnight. Is there someone that can stay with you and be your advocate/coach if you start shutting down?

Good luck! You can do it! It really helps to just think about and focus on the baby and how you're going to hold him/her afterwards if you start getting anxious and have to do some grounding techniques. :)

Just wanted to say I hope the mw appt went well today, and to wish you luck for the birth.