Birth plan- Want to avoid "cheerleader" approach from midwifery team

[SicknSpan]

Dc3 is due in 6 weeks. I don't want to have the "and push push push push go on you can do it fantastic!" that I had with ds1 and that you see so often on the TV. I'd rather just be left alone to get on with what my body tells me. Being told when to push felt wrong (it wasn't necessarily what my body wanted to do even if I was fully dilated iykwim) and as a result I found the pushing bit, although relatively short, a really unpleasant part of both labours. (Granted, labour isn't that delightful at the best of times!)

Of course, if they are telling me that they need to get the baby out quicker for medical reasons then that's different and encouragement to knuckle down might be important.

But how do I go about communicating this? With both ds1 and ds2 my birth plan wasn't even looked at until after they had been born, I'd got to hospital at 8cm and 6cm dilated and progressed quite fast so there wasn't really time to consider the whys and wherefores. DH is my birthing partner but I don't think he'd be comfortable with verbalising my wishes in this way. Do I need to have it tattooed on my fanjo so they see it?!

Maybe just tell them that you'd like to be left to your own devices as much at possible?

Just tell them. My midwife asked me how I wanted her to be with me. I said she needed to be firm and just tell me what to do.

Write it down. Both times I said I didn't want guided pushing, the second I was very clear that I was going to ignore her and follow my body's natural pushing reflex. I couldn't have done guided pushing even if I'd tried but she didn't know that and was very good (and quiet).

Problem being that I was well into the zone by the point of getting to hospital and wasn't in any fit state to talk to them rationally!

I think I need to get Dh to step up a bit here. He thinks that if the mw says do it, you do it- they know best. And of course they are highly qualified professionals who know what they are on about. Might ask him to come along to my next mw appointment and talk with me to my lovely community midwife who I think will be on my "side".

Just be straightforward and say you really prefer to labour with a bit of peace and quiet. As this is your third, am sure they arent going to get overly involved if you dont want them to, anyway. But worth bearing in mind...the push/push/stop! bit is often because they can see what you cant and are trying to stop you from tearing. Its not always just cheerleading.

Tell them and make sure that your do (or whoever is going to be with you) knows what you want do that he can speak up when you can't

I hated the "push, push, push, clever girl" shit. At my first birth I shouted "shut the fuck up" to the MW.

Make sure DH is on board for all your wishes - not just the cheerleading bit.

Good luck.

Write something like Madrigal suggested in your birth plan and make sure your DH understands and gets the MW to read it when u are admitted to labour ward and at every shift change.

Saying that, I told the MW I wanted to breathe the baby out with DC3, and she tried to get me to take it easy, but when it got to that point I just wanted her out ASAP so I was pushing for all I was worth and thought sod it ! Never mind the stitches- but got away without any in the end!

Write it in your birth plan.

My birth plan was a few bullet points and basically said don't touch me, don't come near me, leave me alone (nicely though!). Midwife sat and read the plan and then after DS was born said she was glad I had written that as she is normally hands on. She was AMAZING. I didn't know she was in the room most of the time.