Cardiac arrest during elective caesarian section. Nevergoogle in need of a bit of support.

[nevergoogle]

DS3, who is a lovely bundle of loveliness, arrived by elective c-section a week ago.

For unknown reasons (so far) I had a cardiac arrest during the surgery where my heart slowed to a complete stop. I was resuscitated with CPR and adrenaline before surgery was completed and I was transferred to intensive care. All tests so far point to an otherwise healthy heart. (Usual obs monitoring, ECG's and US)

In time I will be having follow up input from cardiology/anaesthetics/obgyn/perinatal mental health team/intensive care psychology. I'm now home wearing a 24 hour heart trace.

We haven't announced this in RL (apart from close friends and family), so if you know me please be discrete, we're still getting our heads around what happened.

But just WTF? How do I process this? How do I rebuild myself, DH and I feel completely steamrollered. All the while DS3 is BFing on demand 2 hourly, and I have all the usual c-section recovery to contend with. The other two children aren't aware but are starting to question why I keep crying and me saying I'm just so happy to be their mum is being met with .

I have zero concentration, tv/radio/music is just noise, I can't face phonecalls/visitors and apart from a birth announcement on facebook I just can't do it. I'm not even sure i'm ready for this thread so may bow out if it gets overwhelming.

On the upside, DH and I are being spectacularly kind and patient with each other and the children. We are having lots of quality time and keeping life simple and there is an atmosphere of calm in between my moments of despair and sobbing.

Anybody been through similar?

Nevergoogle...im crying reading this. Last week i gave birth to my 9lb 2oz Ruby. I went in cardiac arrest twice. Like yourself and hubby we can't seem to process any of it. I stare at my 2yr old and 11yr old when they are asleep, i just burst into floods of years. One minute life seems normal we are laughing and getting on with it...the next it hits home i was not nearly here. im sending youba giant hug as i know exactly what you are dealing with x

Sorry to hear that Nikki

It must be a very hard time for you

Maybe start a thread of your own so you can get some support?

I hope all the relevant referrals have been made for you. Are you being well supported?

Hi - I just wanted to say you are having a normal, healthy reaction to a very traumatic experience.

I had a traumatic birth too, one of my twins died in labour, which is not the same to what happened to you, but perhaps it is similar, in the sense of 'WTF just happened' :-).

For at least 2 months (although I can't really remember how long) after I felt as if I was waking up in a nightmare every morning, felt as if a dark cloud was pushing down on my chest. The only advice I can give is to just roll with, allow your feelings (although I know it's hard with the kids around).

Like you I had a baby to take care of (although she was in neonatal care) and she was (and is) an absolute blessing. She gave me something to focus on and I don't know what I would have done without her!

Also, do whatever you feel is necessary. I also was absolutely unable to communicate with the outside world, so my husband became my 'communications liaison officer'. In my case people did know what happened so they were OK to not come and visit. After a bit I felt really strongly to talk through what had happened with basically every medical professional that had been present, so that's what I did.

In due course it will get a bit better, honest. It doesn't go away but the sadness changes colour, if that makes sense. It goes a bit duller.

Take good care of yourself and also keep connected with your husband. I also found that he handled the whole thing differently to me, and it's easy to end up being sad about the same thing, but in different rooms IYKWIM.

I only read the first page of your post and now realise that several months have already passed! D'oh.

Good to hear you're coping so well.

You mentioned being quite stoic. I remember that. I was called stoic and was a little offended by it. It was just that I didn't feel I could be a crying mess the whole time. Life needs a bit of normality sometimes too, you simply can't live the whole time thinking about awful things, especially not if you have DC to look after.