Need a last minute gee-up/support for my homebirth choice please

[TeaAndANatter]

Hello all,

Number three due by home birth in about 3 weeks. Babies 1 and 2 in hospital and in a midwife led respectively, both relatively trouble free. Baby 1 needed a bit of help after due to being forced to lie on my back throughout, and not having the balls to tell the midwives that I wanted to be upright (12 years ago). I was happy and determined to birth at home for this one, and feel very women-led about it, but have had all the midwife visits to arrange it over the last two weeks, and feel really unsupported.

The midwives don't say outright that they don't support home birth, so I can't really debate it with them, but I just pick up (so does my DH) a kind of pervasive monologue about the risks of x, y or z to do with home birth. When I try and quote statistics, I'm told that 'they just have to tell me for the paperwork', but I know that they believe that home birth is risky from the way that they say it. I'm left feeling unsupported, and like I really don't want any of them present. I'm almost wondering whether to send the birth pool back and just suck it up and go to the unit instead.

I've been told that I'll need to go in straight away anyway if I need more than one or two stitches, that I might need to go in the next day for an anti-D jab, and that I'll have to book a separate appointment to have the baby checked over there too. I'm starting to feel that the point of a home birth is pretty moot if I've got to go for all these separate visits that apparently can't be combined into one trip to hospital!

Basically, I'm doubting myself a bit, and just need a kick in the butt, and reminded that I'm following the science, and my choice is right for me. Thanks all.

My assessment was very low key too, potential/main reasons for transfer explained, how they would handle anything going wrong at home first, what might need to happen in a transfer situ, during or after birth and what role DH would play etc.

She left a copy of the homebirth policy for me to read if I wanted to and we sorted out pain relief (gas and air and potentially pethadine) and she checked it all to make sure it was full and working. She has left a 'soft pack' too with some bits and pieces in that they will use but the midwives bring most of the stuff with them.

Homebirths seem to be well supported in my area, I have all the stuff, its all booked and now im just waiting for baby to give it all a go. The only thing im a bit unsure about is when I actually ring them, my midwife prefers the labour ward to assess you over the phone and they contact her to come out rather than ringing her directly. Im in two minds about leaving it as long as possible before calling (which is what i'd do if I was having a hospital birth) and ringing as soon as I know something is happening as one of my fears is that there wont be enough midwives to attend and i'll have to go in, i'd like to get on that board asap I think!

when I was booked for a hb I discussed when to call. I rang v the labour triage number when I got to 7 minutes apart contractions. That gave them a heads up and call up who would be on rota. I was told they had put my name on the board and to make sure I ring back once I got to 5mins apart. 4 hours later they rang me back to check how I was doing. I ended up going in, because I had a scan booked due to now being term plus 14. I ended up having ds at the hospital but he was so large it was just as well.

I think they appreciate an early warning and you can tell them your current labour status and how long it took get there.

Thats really helpful learnasyougo thank you. I was leaning towards the same, early warning is better

I'll be telling them asap as well. In my last hospital they were a bit fixated on doing an internal as soon as they came to you and that put you 'on the clock' for progress. After a long first labour I was keen not to be transferred for no reason so was a bit more reluctant. Unfortunately my labour went from sloooooow, to suddenly very fast and DD2 ended up BBA. This time, I am very keen to avoid that (obviously!!) and also I have been told that they specifically avoid internals to avoid that pressure, so I will be calling at the earliest opportunity I think.

I wanted a home birth with DD (only child) - in the event, she was back to back and although I got to 10cm at home, after about 45 hrs of labour there was meconium in the waters, so we transferred in. I still wouldn't change it - far rather labour all that time in my own space. The midwives were very unobtrusive and just observed for most of it, they were amazing at the hospital and stayed with us throughout (high forceps as DD just didn't descend). So overall I was chuffed we'd stayed at home even though it didn't go to plan. You and DH sound like old hands at this so I wouldn't worry - hope all goes beautifully for you

Thanks for the positive stories all. Feeling much more positive today but then I haven't seen the grumpy madam for nearly two weeks!

Pool inflated, room smelling of lavender, nice bics bought for the midwifes, gas and air in the garage, lots of towels to mop up the carnage - thunderbirds are ready for go!

Glad you're feeling more positive today TeaAndANatter just wanted to add my encouragement to that you've had from others already.

I have 3 DCs too, the last 2 were both HB. Very positive, calm, relaxed experiences. I did have to go into hospital the next day after both were born for their checks and for my anti-d, it was fine it did not affect how I felt about the hb experience, so don't worry about having to go in the next day, you might sigh about having to traipse in but it won't make it feel like a medicalised experience.

Your MW may just be a natural pessimist. Surely it's unlikely she'll be the one coming out to you anyway? What are the odds she'll be on duty?? In my area the community midwife team who attend home births do so out of choice, they have to work in hospital sometimes but mw who prefer hospital are not asked to join the community rota - which means the community mws are all positive about home birth and supportive - maybe your area is the same and the mws who attend will be much more supportive than your current mw?

Have a look at this link, it makes very interesting reading regarding risk and might help counter act some of the negative vibes you felt from the mw.

www.greenmedinfo.com/blog/myth-safer-hospital-birth-low-risk-pregnancies