How exposed am I during childbirth?

[Mrsstandard]

Hi,

How exposed could I be during a water birth? Will I even care because of pain?

xposted...then can I ask...what do you mean your husband's useless?

Also...I had a dear friend in this position who asked me to be there when she gave birth. Have you a friend you can ask?

MrsStandard, as a midwife I've known women give birth with their dad there. If it works for you and he's the best support then go for it.

Hospital pools are quite deep and with water distortion you struggle to see what's happening below the water line. How about a tankini top? You can always ask your dad to leave the room for vaginal examinations if you want but most midwives would be discreet in such situations and keep you as covered as possible with a sheet.

The dads I've seen in the room have all been very much eyes fixed on their daughters face.

I would definitely rethink having your dad there - is he comfortable with the idea?

Why not a friend? In what way is hubby useless? Has he asked not to be there or have you decided for him? Does your Dad actually want to be there??

I don't think you'll care who sees what - I didn't - but I'm sad for you that you're only having your Dad there for want of a better alternative. What about an aunt, cousin, close friend?

Practically speaking, you could wear a bikini top or even a T shirt.

OP during the actual childbirth you won't care. Talk to your dad before and ask him to please turn away any time you are greatly exposed.

What you need to make sure is after the birth when you process it all, you won't feel embarrassed knowing he probably saw a bit.

I wore one of DHs old shirts so I was pretty much covered (no water birth though) except for the obvious naked from the waist down...

I love my dad dearly but I don't have the sort of relationship with him where I would have been happy with him in the delivery room at all. It's not just the nakedness, it's the vulnerability you can feel, the noises you will make, and the fact that even if it's all done under the covers so ok thing is really visible, when you're examined it's basically someone sticking their hand up your vagina. I wouldn't have my dad at a smear test, so wouldn't have him there at birth.

Don't you have a good friend who could come with you, perhaps as well as your DP?

Get a maternity tankini top, that might make you feel better. I bought one but never used it as I had elcs.
You will still have your bum out thou.
You really don't care that much after, I didn't believe this before i had ds, then was lying with boobs out feeding and loads of people walking in and out my room.
My dad is dead, but I would have had gone for nobody if dh wasn't going to be there.

"Ok thing" =. "Nothing"

Great advice, Viva.

Hormones do stuff to you so you would quite happily run around the M25 in the buff if the occasion demanded. I would recommend putting long hair up though, if only to keep it out the way and look a bit less like a madwoman in the first few photos afterwards.

I reckon my dad would have done everything to avoid being there unless I had no support at all, in which case he would have approached it as an engineering exercise.

When I gave birth, I started off in the pool. I was naked because I couldn't bear the thought of wearing clothes. I finished up naked on a birth stool. I couldn't have cared less at the time who was there, I had my eyes closed for the whole thing. I do understand your reticence about being exposed - if you have a good long t-shirt or similar, then you might want to change into it before your labour gets very far along (I never want to try and get out of jeans at 6cm dilated again). You may find that you end up not caring, but preparing yourself so that you're as comfortable with what you think you'll be wearing should help you to feel calm. Good luck, and I hope it goes well.

If both you and your Dad are comfortable then I think go for it, in fact I think well done Dad, you star! I suspect that whatever you both think now will go out the window as when the urge to push and attendant contractions come on your focus will switch totally to getting the baby out and to hell with the rest of it! I think if he's game for labouring with you neither of you will give two hoots when it comes to it. Good luck!

Thank you for the advice

I would agree with the advice that, if you want your dad there, a bikini top in your hospital bag might be a good idea. That way you have it if you find you want it. And that's the only bit that often sticks out the water- especially if you find yourself labouring on your knees rather than lying back in the water. I have chucked on in my homebirth pile even though I don't think I'll wear it (I did last time, but only because I thought I'd have to get in and out of the water a lot and thought it would be easier just to bung a towel around my waist)

If it is really bothering you, there was a woman on OBEM who designed a little water birth outfit thing. A bikini top and a teeny tiny little skirt (so no need to remove for examinations, etc). I think you can buy them?

I would have loved to have my dad there. He is a calm, supportive, lovely man. He would make a fabulous birth partner. I don't think having a dad there is odd at all.

I agree with others you need to feel safe and relaxed. Could you relax knowing your dad will see you bleeding/leaking fluid/pooing? If yes then I think it's a lovely idea :)

Have you considered hiring a doula to be with you instead? I went for one because DH is a fainter and I was scared of being on my own if he had to leave the room. When it came down to it, he was wonderful, but I was really glad to have her there as well, she was so calming.

Fine if you want your dad there, I can imagine some dads being an absolute tower of strength not mine, especially if they were with your mum when you were born

But do remember you will have a midwife, you won't be alone.

Through unforeseen circumstances I ended up doing the hospital bit of labour on my own. It was fine! Having a birth partner isn't compulsory.

I found giving birth both times so overwhelming that it really didn't matter whether my DH or anyone apart from the midwives was there. I was completely focussed on my body and my darling babies making their ways to me. But if you have the sort of relationship with your dad that would make him a good choice to be there that's great- I'm jealous!

I wore a baggy nightshirt thing that could pull up, you probably won't care but I gave birth in whatever I wore to hospital both times as it didn't then occur to me to take anything off or change.

Pooing? Not looking forward to this birth!

you will not notice if you poo or not.. that's a fact. Nobody will mention it if you do and you won't care anyway.

If you want your Dad to be there, and he wants to be there, then I think that's what you should do. Not sure that other poster's reactions to the idea of it are necessarily helpful to you.

I imagine your dad would want to stay firmly away from the 'business end' of things. He can hold your hand, mop your brow with a flannel, give you drinks etc.

The first time I gave birth, I stripped off completely because that's what my instinct told me to do. The second time, I had a water birth and wore a tankini top. Some pooing happened both times but I was unaware of it.

Was your dad present at your birth, do you know? If so, I'm sure he'll be able to handle it.

Good luck with it. I see no reason why your dad couldn't be just as good a birth partner as anyone else.