2nd time mum and scared ...

[girlygale1]

Hi everyone have just signed up so am probably doing something wrong here ... certainly can't start using the acronyms just yet (don't think I can spell it either!!!)

Need some help, my daughter is 2 and a bit and I am 29 weeks pregnant with second daughter ... My first is a dream and I have been totally in control from the word go, but am absolutely packing it about being a second time mum. Am due in October, hate the winter, have put on weight, don't know how I will cope with dark evenings, screaming baby, active toddler, serious weight issues (when will I get to the gym)(how will I be strong to resist the chocolate again). What if the baby isn't as good as my first? Seriously setting myself up for PND - HELP!!! Any advice from 2nd time mums? I'm also worried about how I'll keep house tidy!!!!

Apart from lightening up ... what do I do!!!???!!!!

girlygale
just take one day at a time, i had 22mth between mine and dd was a dream little girl , then ds arrived, breastfeed, dd got into the swing of that with her dolly, first 3 weeks were hard with her wanting me all the time and to be lifted, after i had c/s. but it settles, give up on the house work and washing , its a very short period of time in their lives and yours, dont fret it away. get help if you suspect pnd at all and let others know you would like a bit of assitence. have someone familiar look after your dd so shes happy to be with them, if u need a break.

double buggy, the best u can get, then you can power walk with them napping.

i am a routine person and eventhou ds was breastfeed after the 10/12 week mark we were on a schedule with him of feeding every 3 hrs by 4 months it was very settled.

your dd will entertain baby when they become more aware of their surroundings. watching video footage of my dd and ds it was brilliant how she played with him in her little way, he was engaged and occupied and i got to clean and cook!

so really dot put yourself under pressure, baby no 2 early days go much quicker than no 1's so cherish them, they be out in the garden next year crawling and running aorund!!

binbon1, thank you for your replies to this and the other thread too - I hate pregnancy, and hate not being organised/in a routine, I know it takes time and am learning to stop giving myself such a hard time about things ... ie how to lighten up and get a life!!! But as you say time will tell!!!

Am very worried about leaving dd - not due to heartache from me leaving her, sometimes I need the time out! - but more the distress it will cause her and potential problems it could lead to in the future. Fingers crossed it won't be that bad! ???!!!

girlygale
i was in hospital for 5 days with ds, and couldnt wait to get out, but i had a c/s and was advised to avail of the rest while i oculd, but it broke my heart being away from dd, i didnt have her in the hospital until the day she came to pick me up and it was lovely. i felt enourmous guilt for her and was very upset, but my mum was on hand to assure me it would be ok, dh didnt go there! hormones etc!
but ig ot my time whith her when ds was sleeping and let her in beside me at ngiht the odd time,
thats why i say it goes so quick those early days for no2 so dont worry about washing etc, just focus on them together, letting your dd get to know the baby will ensure there'll be less rivalry there.
radio 4 had an article on it today actually on womens hour.

ps my dd was an october baby, i dint mind at all being all cosy once the evenings came.
we got wrapped up for our daily walk when it was really cold but come spring she was ready for walking outside in the garden , good timing for me i felt.

There are 16 months between my two and I did panic when pg with ds2. Looking back on it now those first years flew by in a whirl. I remember feeling exhausted but proud, especially when I took them out in their double buggy. DS 2 has been harder in a lot of ways in comparison with ds 1, not sleeping so well, temperamental, whereas ds1 plods steadily through life but ds2 is also a lot more independant and helps round the house voluntarily (if he is in a good mood - he is 11 now btw) so they both have good points but are complete opposites in personality.
They do fight but are also good company for each other and somehow you just cope, take one day at a time and you will get through it.
I must admit I feel quite nostalgic about when mine were younger, because although it doesn't feel like it day by day, the years do fly by and they suddenly don't need you in the same way any more. so although you might feel exhausted, try to treasure the time you have with them when they are small.

Don't worry about things that you don't know will happen. I have 5 7 and under and am preg with no 6. There was a 14 month gap between ds1 and ds2. I was terrified like you. It was a shock having to look after 2, but you do it and when you realise that you are coping with each day as it comes and that you are infact being a good mum despite your fears, you will be proud of youself and your strengths. Stop trying to run before you can walk. It's like any new job, it takes time to learn. Before you know it you will be an old hand giving others advice

Five and having number 6 Kittywits?!!! I take my hat off to you.

Welcome to mumsnet.There are 2 years between my 2.The first few months ARE hard but its so worth it!! Both mine were winter babies.A few tips I would give are:
If you are bf have a box of toys/books upstairs and down.It is possible to read and breastfeed at the same time.
Dont feel guilty about the elder one watching tv/dvds.Cbeebies is a Godsend!!!(I was heartily sick of Bob the Builder though!!!When youve seen it a few zillion times it loses it attraction,somehow)
If you can afford it get a cleaner/ironing service.(I couldnt but would recommend it if you can)
Accept ALL offers of help in the early months
Try to keep to the toddlers routine as much as is humanly possible(difficult I know at times)
My ds went to nursery one day a week.Before I had dd I increased this to 2 and am so glad I did as it gives you a little respite and a chance to catch up on some much needed sleep.Again its a boon if you can afford it
Remember you WILL love no 2 just as much and the first one WILL love their sib eventually.I picked ds up today from nursery and the first thing he did was run up to the pushchair,plant a big kiss on the baby and declare "I missed you today baby......".It brought a lump to my throat.It took a few months for him to adjust(I left them to goto the loo when dd was 8 weeks and came downstairs and found a cardboard shoebox planted firmly over dds head!!!!)
It is perfectly normal to feel like crap at around 2-3 months when the sleep deprivation truly kicks in.(A straw poll amongst other 2nd time mums I have spoken to confirms this).It may feel like an endless slog at this point but it DOES get better.
If you are feeling really bad try to get out for a walk evevn if just round the block.The idea of bundling the 2 of em into winter coats and double buggy is daunting but I always felt much better after a walk.
Finally good luck and dont forget mumsnet is invaluable it kept me sane during those first few months.

Hi

I'm new to mumsnet too and have an October baby! That said, she'll be two on 15th October. DD #1 is 6 1/2.

I hated the wait to my new baby. a) because it had been 4 1/2 years since my first and b) because, like you, my first had been so easy.

Truth is, my second was easy too - in fact easier. (Until she turned one and then she got tricky!!!!) But the worry was for nothing, she was perfect, peaceful and took to feeding/sleeping routines like an angel.

She's a little (screaming!) minx now, but I don't worry too much - it's amazing how two kids can be so different, yet so adorable.

October's a good time for a baby - the winter months are cosy and warm and baby gets to spend lots of time cuddled close to you.

As my mum told me - you don't have to stretch the love you have for a new child - your heart just makes more to go around!

xx

This is like Deja-vu Girlygale, I felt exactly the same as you at your stage of pregnancy. I only had 13 months between my two boys, and had only just got into a routine with DS1 sleeping through the night. DS2 is now 12 wks old and I am still here (albeit with a glass of wine in one hand ) As wrinklytum and others have said, yep, it's goddarn hard, physically and emotionally but everyday you have to pat yourself on the back if they are both, fed, changed and happy. Nothing else matters. Hopefully your second baby will be a dream like your first, If your happy I'm sure it will be.

Dont put too much pressure on yourself, the babies dont have to be bathed daily, they can wear the same clothes 2 days in a row, Ravioli from a tin wont call the social services running and if the sun is shining get out as much as you can. I found having a bag for each much easier and topping it up every night. Strangly having baby in a sling and pushing a single buggy made it seem less daunting going for a quick walk. And as a few have said already seeing your DD go up to the baby and plant a big sloppy kiss on him/her just makes your heart want to explode, dont ever feel guilty that DD wont get the same amount of attention, you are going to give her the best present in the world. She will know her brother/sister longer than she will know anyone else in her life.

Hi everyone, Thank you for your advise - I have to say the more I speak to people and the more I read here, the better I begin to feel. I am resigning myself to the fact that my house isn't going to be spotless to begin with, until I get into a routine, and you are so right that it is more important to spend the time with the kids rather than hoovering.

It will probably be really good for me!!!!

I have bought a double buggy, and hopefully the weather will be kind enough for me to get out for long walks, good to get out of house and also to burn some fat!

I am not the first woman to have a second child and certainly won't be the last! And kitty wits ... 6???!!!! you put me to shame!