2nd time mum and scared ...

[girlygale1]

Hi everyone have just signed up so am probably doing something wrong here ... certainly can't start using the acronyms just yet (don't think I can spell it either!!!)

Need some help, my daughter is 2 and a bit and I am 29 weeks pregnant with second daughter ... My first is a dream and I have been totally in control from the word go, but am absolutely packing it about being a second time mum. Am due in October, hate the winter, have put on weight, don't know how I will cope with dark evenings, screaming baby, active toddler, serious weight issues (when will I get to the gym)(how will I be strong to resist the chocolate again). What if the baby isn't as good as my first? Seriously setting myself up for PND - HELP!!! Any advice from 2nd time mums? I'm also worried about how I'll keep house tidy!!!!

Apart from lightening up ... what do I do!!!???!!!!

I worried like this too. My first dd was 3 , she turned 4 a few days a fter i had dd2. I worried that our relationship would change, that she'd feel neglected, that i wouldn't love the second baby as much, that it would be a little terror where as dd1 was SO easy.

Anyway, they are now 5 and 17 months. They ADORE each other. There is nothing comes close to seeing them hugging and kissing each other. DD2 is a right little character. She is alot more work than dd1 in that she is so independant and a daredevil but i love her just as much and accept them both as my gorgeous babies.
The house has suffered. It is rarely spotless but it's worth it.

I think the first few weeks are hard going getting used to the new baby being part of the family but honestly, i bet in no time you'll love being a Mum of 2.
Hope you're feeling better soon. I found my second pregnancy quite hard emotionally too. I'm on my third now and it's a breeze!

DD means darling daughter btw

hi welcome to MN I have 2DDs 2yo and 6mo. I was like you DD1 was a breeze so was really worried about having DD2. Yes it is hard I wouldn't say it wasn't I found it much harder than having one newborn. The first few months are the hardest as DD2 was always wanting to be fed and it's hard BFing with a toddler around. cbeebies is an absolute godsend, it won't hurt them to watch a little each day, don't worry about the housework chances are the toddler will just mess it up again anyway, I do a quick tidy up downstairs each morning and try to do the bathrooms etc once a week or blitz upstairs when DP is home. Also get your DH/P to help as much as possible even if it's just so you can get a bath in the evening and some time to yourself.

Other things is try to get out each day not easy in the winter I know but wrap them up warm and go for a walk. Also get friends/family to help out if you can (I don't have any help but thats me). Don't stress about this baby being as good as the first they are all different she may be better in one way bit not another. My DD2 is harder work but that may be because I have DD1 as well. Maybe get your DH/P to look after them once or twice a week whilst you go to the gym!

Yes it's hard but so worth it DD1 adores her sister and she is just getting to the age that she is starting to recognise her and they just laugh and giggle together - utterly priceless.

Oh and best of luck x

Please stop worrying about this, there are worse things in life then a bit of extra weight and a messy house, i bet you were just as worried with the first baby we all just forget that we thought we would drop them, break them and just be useless (or was that just me?).

As for the dark nights, that mean more time for mumsnet, always someone about to offer support and advice.

Welcome and enjoy.

Hi - I have similar age gap between my sons (22 months) as you will have between your daughters. They are now 3 and 5 and are really great friends. They have always got on well, right from the beginning. I mustn't pretend that it wasn't hard work at times, but you get through!

The house will be untidy but if you can keep some of it clean, you'll all be happy! If you're really determined to do lots of housework, there are threads on Mumsnet that can give you advice. Must admit I rarely read them myself - and you can tell by the dust in my house! I reassure myself with the myth that children need to get used to a bit of dust and dirt.

My second son was born in July, so I didn't go straight into an autumn/winter as you will do - but your eldest daughter will just have to accept that sometimes life is a bit more boring when there is a little sister on the scene, and your baby will never know that she's not getting as much attention as your eldest daughter did when she was a baby!

There will always be dry and sunny days when you can get to the park, even in winter. To be honest, having children has made me realise that the weather in this country isn't as bad as I thought - we get out a lot more than I would have thought. And on the really cold/wet/windy days, there are always play centres, or dvds

And anyway, it can't be all that bad having two, as I'm expecting no 3 in October!

7 months down the line things are getting better! My advice is to ASK FOR HELP from any visitors/friends and set yourself the goal of only 30 minutes after kiddie's bedtime to damage limitation whether that be toilet cleaning, kitchen cleaning, whatever and then 1 hour on yourself. You are not superhuman but you will be a supermum if you adopt the "Sod it" approach to anything other than the children and yourself!

Thanks guys - I know I sound bonkers, but it is scary!!!!!! Sounds daft - I'd be able to help someone else out in this situation, but when it is happening to you its a totally different ball game!!!!

Angeliz - I admire you for going on to have a third!!! This is definitely my last!!!! When are you due?

Sweetykitty - you are totally right, housework gets done eventually! I did walk a lot when I had dd1 (!) but she was born in March so it was a lovely time of year to get out ! Here come the heavy winter coats!!!

Thank you for your advice xx

Was busy writing reply when received more messages - I take my hat off to you who go on to have 3,4,5 ...!!!!

I'll just have to train DH (is that right!) to wash the loo more often!!!!! - oh and introduce him to the hoover!

Thank you everyone x

I'm due in three weeks.
My youngest will only be 17 months so i'm a bit concerned as to how she'll cope but we both really wanted a third.
I feel i'm just getting the house to some kind of tidyness but that's only cause i'm having a homebirth and am worried about midwives thinking i'm a trollop
I do think the second pregnancy is hard. I'm sure you'll be fine. I myself love winter nights, early bedtimes and listening to the rain.....

Ah, you don't sound bonkers. Good mums worry about these things. But, I'm sure you will fall in love with number 2 and love her to bits just as you did with number 1.

Everything WILL work out. And keep tyoin gon mumsnet. It's a lovely place.

Ah, you don't sound bonkers. Good mums worry about these things. But, I'm sure you will fall in love with number 2 and love her to bits just as you did with number 1.

Everything WILL work out. And keep tyoin gon mumsnet. It's a lovely place.

Don't worry, you'll be fine. I remember stressing when pregnant with DD about how I would cope with two. DS had been an angel but he still seemed to take up all my time as a baby - least 25 hours a day!

But by some mum-magic you find that the second baby doesn't take up your time at all (after the first few no sleep weeks that is!). In fact, it's still DS who takes up all my time (mainly with potty training but that's a whole other thread...)

So relax, you'll get everything under control much easier than first time around. Just get Cbeebies on (DS watched so much in the first few months that he started turning it off) until you find your feet and then enjoy your two girls.

My DD is now 9 months and hearing DS say that he loves her is the most heart warming thing.

Have to say I am dead pleased I signed up to this ... jamiesan, when in October are you due? Ive got 2 dates, 16th (my dates) and 23rd (My birthday!!!!)(scan date). Anyone else due in Oct? Be nice to keep in touch with someone due same time - and in same situation as me!!!

Oh girlygale1, that's too spooky! My due date is 23 October, but because I'll be having an elective section, I expect to agree with the consultant that it will be at 39 weeks - ie 16 October!

I'm rubbish at keeping up with it, but if you look in antenatal topic you'll find a due in October thread! Otherwise I'm around more than I should be!

WOW that is spooky!!! What area are you in .. Are we meant/allowed to disclose this info?!!!!! (you can tell I'm new to all this!)

Yes, it's up to you if you say where you are or not! I'm in Sheffield. I think some people are more cautious as they don't want to be identified in the real world, since MN is a place where you can tell your deepest darkest secrets! One RL friend worked out who I was on MN some time ago, but she IS a friend, so that was OK.

girlygale, I was just the same, absolutely dreading the arrival of DS2, as I remembered those first few weeks of DS1 seemed apocalyptic. The reality was soooo much better than I expected! I made unexpected changes - eg traded bed time stories with DS1 for 2 episodes of Bob the Builder each night (doing stories when DS2 is asleep during the day). The thing that surprised me the most was how adaptable DS1 was, I was so worried he'd feel hurt/rejected/confused by changes to his routine, but he hasn't actually batted an eyelid. And he adores DS2, who equally finds him fascinating! There's 22 months between them btw.
Hope that helps
I'm sure you'll find an ante-natal thread for october if you search "by topic".

I'm from Surrey/sussex - now had we have ended up in the same hosp then that would have been scary!!!!!!

Oh, name and shame. Did you have a bad experience? I think crap hospitals should have their names known.

When i was pg with my 2nd i panicked too. My oldest was 6 at the time so it had been a long time since i had given birth, looked after a baby, coped with sleepless nights etc. I worried about everything, how i would cope if i had another 22hr labour, how i would manage to still spend enough quality time with ds1 when i had a newborn to look after (i didnt want him feeling left out), how could i possibly love another child as much as i love ds1, the list goes on. In the end though i realised i had been worrying for nothing. One thing i didnt worry about was my weight. After having ds1 i ended up dropping a dress size and was the slimmest i had been for years so i mistakingly thought ds2 would have the same result. Boy was i wrong but to be honest im fine with it. I could do with losing a few pounds but when you are chasing around after a very active 2yr old and a moody 9yr old all day weight is the last thing you worry about, trust me.

As for keeping the house tidy, dont worry about it. When i first bought ds2 home from the hospital i limited the amount of housework i did so that i ws able to rest a bit during the day when ds1 was at school and ds2 was asleep. If anyone didnt like the fact my house didnt look like a showhome it was tough. If it bothered them that much they were welcome to come round and do it for me but no one did, they all understood.

My ds2 is the total opposite of ds1. Whereas ds1 is a quiet, peaceful child (well he was he's now a moody 9yr old) ds2 is a little monkey who is into everything. I would be lying if i said it wasnt hard work but i wouldnt have it any other way. When your baby daughter arrives all the worries you are having now will fade. You will cope perfectly no matter what, thats what us mothers do. Plus if all our children were the same as each other it would get a bit boring wouldnt i?

PS Welcome to Mumsnet

oh thank you pebblemum!

Welcome to MN and (housework apart, because I'm all too good at ignoring that when times get rough) I could have written your post. I'm 23 weeks with dd2, and not quite panicking yet but can well imagine I would have been in a few weeks time. As it is, thanks: I've read the responses to your OP (original post) and feel a lot better to know its normal to worry before #2!

I was the same as you, breezed through my first labour, DD was an absolute dream, good sleeper, good eater the lot and when i became pregnant the second time I was petrified. DD was 2.5 when DS was born and it was harder than just having her on her own as a newborn but the thought of it was actually worse than the deed.
I just kept telling myself that there are less able and confident people than me that cope and I will too. It was fine Dd is a great help and loves having a baby in the house and I just do whatever works for me. Like I find it easier to get up and have brekkie with DD while DP is still in bed get her and I dressed then he gets ready for work and I can get DS done that means if I am having a bad day and feel I need to get out the house for a walk we are ready to go.
As for the housework well erm my house looks like a bomb has hit it, I try and keep on top of waht I can but have taught myself not to get too stressed about it, DS is 3 months now and I am starting to get into some kind of normality.
A few months of just doing the basics is nothing in the big scheme of things.
If you have family and friends who offer help then take it, if someone ofeers to cook or stick on some washing let them.

I in the first wek or 2 of trying too hard to do everything and found that as soon as DS fell asleep I leapt up to do the house and DD was following me around wanting to do something fun with me.
Now I do some housework in the morning like others have said cbeebies for a little while will do no harm and after lunch is DD and i's time to do something.
Good luck sorry this got long. you will be fine.

Hi everyone - you have no idea how helpful all this is ... I have to say I am beginning to chill a little - it is so nice to know that there are others out there that know how I am feeling - as lovely as dh is - it can be a bit isolating at times! xx

Girlygale

You sound just like me - the idea of looking after two is really scary to me. Everything is in such a nice routine at the moment with DS, and I don't want to change it. I'm not very good with change though, so maybe that is it. Also wondering how we are going to cope with feeling so tired in the first few weeks and still look after DS.

I'm also not looking forward to having an October baby. DS was a June baby so it was really easy to get out and about. I know what you mean about those dark nights.

Oh well, time will tell!