Can you please help me stop worrying about transition?

[GuyMartinsSideburns]

Im 39+4 with my third. For various reasons Ive had epidurals for my 2 previous labours, and only 'felt' the pains up to 7/8cms. Im booked for a homebirth (hopefully this will happen this time!) and have been feeling twinges since Friday, getting slightly more noticeable so I may be having the baby soon.

It only recently dawned on me that I don't know how it is to go from 7/8cms and through to the transition stage and now Im pretty (ok very) scared about it. Ive read (and people keep saying!) that this is when a lot of women really struggle, Im worried it might last ages and I'll feel out of control/like I cant cope.

I had a midwife appt today, one I hadn't met before and tried explaining my concerns to her, tbh it was hard to get a word in and she said Id be 'fine' and that I 'could always go in for another epidural if I couldn't cope'. Fair enough I guess but my 1st labour and birth was long and traumatic and tool me months to get over. I think its that loss of control feeling that has got to me, I felt for months Id failed.

With regards the first birth, what helped me decide to ttc my daughter was the fact that Id managed to get as far as I did just by breathing, tens machine early on (which I soon removed as hated the feeling) and a bit of gas and air. It was all taken out of my hands once Id stopped progressing and was taken into hospital. I remember being at home labouring, the pains were strong but I was doing okay. Dh reminds me that the midwife turned to him and said "is she always this in control?" and Dh said "actually she suffers quite terribly with anxiety!" which is true - I always have done. But her saying that and dh telling me reminds me that I can be strong and in control when I need to, but this doesn't seem to be enough at the moment

I considered a tens this time, but decided not to bother as really didn't like how it felt before, but now I worry Im slowly convincing myself that I wont be able to manage without all these props, but up until recently I truly believed Id be able to manage. This is my last baby, I cant go through this again, Im trying to enjoy it for that reason but Ive been in tears a few times before bed incase this is the night it all kicks off and goes 'wrong' again. I just don't know if Im strong enough anymore, I don't feel it.

Sorry for rambling

I agree that for me transition is the bit where I start thinking "Oh shit, I can't do this..." but it doesn't last that long and (again, for me) second stage is untraumatic (I go back to being calm and rational again) so it's kind of a good thing. If you can prepare for that that if you get that panicked feeling it means you're nearly there -- and prepare your DH or other birth partner too then that may be helpful.

You know your anxious feelings now are probably hormonal ... Humans have evolved so that before labour starts, we have the urge to be somewhere safe, with helpers around us. Hence you might feel a bit scared and clingy and weepy ... Otherwise very pregnant women would have set off on long treks etc, when they need to be hunkering down in the cave and starting to go into their inner space in their mind, in preparation

Just like transition is where your hormones get you upright and flooded with determination for stage 2

Your body is doing what it's supposed to do, already

Hi, similar to you dd1 was attempted waterbirth which ended with spinal and forceps and some moderate blood loss. Dd2 is now 4 days old so her birth is fresh in my mind! Like you I was worried about all the parts i had missed before eg pushing her out, delivering placenta.

At transition as others have said it is when you reach the point of no return. I said to the midwife, this waterbath is nice but I want to get out and have an epidural now! She said lets see how the next few contractions go and then decide, and at the next one i could feel her coming and just knew I was going to have to finish labour in the pool (sensible midwife was no doubt we'll aware I was almost there)

I found the placenta delivery pretty painful (I used gas and air again) and I didn't like the legs in stirrups stiches part at all - of course both happened with dd1 but I was blissfully unaware ofwhat was going on behind the screen back then.

But the main difference for me has been the recovery post birth. With dd1 I was in hospital for 3 nights, and so weak for a good while afterwards. This time I felt ready to go home 6hrs after the birth and have been up and about much faster. And dd2 is such a mellow little thing, which makes me think the forceps etc must have been quite tough on dd1. So the transition/crowning phase although extremely intense was well worth the payoff in better recovery.

So be positive, you can do it! And good luck!

I just went very 'inwards' at transition - went and sat in the dark on my own for a bit. I think I was kind of gathering strength for the next bit though I didn't realise- I just wanted to be quiet and calm with no stimulation. I was a bit worried that the mw would make me do something I didn't want to do (she was actually lovely and totally supportive, I just got a bit suspicious) so I felt like I needed some space to keep control of everything myself. It sort of refreshed me for getting back in the pool and pushing - which felt great! Good luck, you will be fine.

My transitions were very different. With DS I had was saying 'I can't do this, want an epidural, want a CS, make it stop' then I discovered G&A. But with DD it was 'time to get out the shower', throw up, hide my face in the bed, tell MW to break my waters because I could feel them bulging and it was hideous and 6 mins later DD was born.

Worlds apart. So you can't really predict how it will go, just go with the flow and know you can change your mind about the HB if you need to.

Thank you all so much. Ive prepped dh that if I start getting panicky at one point an telling him to piss off, beg for an epidural etc then he is to help keep me calm and remind me it may be transition, rather than to actually get the ball rolling for an epidural!

Ive gone through the basic birth plan with a midwife, do you think its worth writing some notes down to put with it - that if Im progressing well then Id like to be left alone/observed from a distance to get on with it (still having the checks etc tho), stuff like that? Or would the midwife kinda know all this already? Im hoping I get the midwife Ive seen a few times but know that may not be possible.

I think it's worth getting your wishes down on paper, briefly

Thanks, I'll do that I think. Still lots of mild twinges today, have been getting them for almost a week, I'm hoping theyll be helping me along somewhat.. I didn't question the midwife when she said theyll book me in to be induced at 41 weeks, she said it very matter-of-factly but I cant say I'm very happy for that to happen.

Do they have any particular reason for induction at 41 weeks? Both areas I have had babies have had a policy of induction recommended at 42 and were of the view that there was no evidence to suggest routine induction until at least 12 days over was an evidence based policy.

She didn't give me any reason, and like a fool I just took what she said. Id rather wait until 42 weeks for anything like that to happen, and even then Id see what the alternatives are first. I don't want to have the drip or constant monitoring, and the thought of going straight into pain all of a sudden without any chance to get used to it really scares me! I need to read more into it, I guess I can refuse if there's no particular reason for it. I'm 40 weeks tomorrow, really want this all over with now! Thought he was coming last night but everything stopped again when I went to bed, if youd asked me a month or two ago Id have sworn he was going to be early..

When you start feeling like you can't go on and/or you might die then you'll be in transition and you just need to remember you will very soon meet your baby.
I don't think I had transition with dd, I just started pushing. With ds I started asking for drugs and got told no cos I'd be pushing shortly. Try to think of it positively cos when you get there it won't be long til baby's here.

When you start feeling like you can't go on and/or you might die then you'll be in transition and you just need to remember you will very soon meet your baby.
I don't think I had transition with dd, I just started pushing. With ds I started asking for drugs and got told no cos I'd be pushing shortly. Try to think of it positively cos when you get there it won't be long til baby's here.

Did she mean book you for induction to take place at 41 weeks or that when you got to 41 weeks they would make an appointment for induction, most likely 5 days after that at 40+12? The latter seems more likely unless there are risk factors but the only one that would indicate induction but not rule out a home birth that comes to mind is maternal age.

Nom - I think you've just switched a light on for me she must have meant she'd see me at 41 weeks to discuss booking for induction a bit later on. I hope! I hate this waiting around, just want to knuckle down and crack on with things now.

QNT - Thanks Im getting that fed up now that I cant wait for things to start! Looking forward to being able to put my socks on and not need a rest after climbing the stairs Hope that gorgeous girlie of yours is feeling better? Might need to have another coo over her and see if things kick off

Im booked in for a sweep on weds, cant say Im thrilled at the prospect but if hes not here by then it may be worth a shot. Ive never had one before and have heard mixed experiences!

I puked

My first labour 'went wrong', I was blue lighted to hospital from the birth centre, fully dilated, baby stuck. No time for an epidural, episiotomy and baby thankfully came out without forceps. When I was pregnant the second time I was convinced this baby would come out with no problems and booked a Homebirth. I had a pool and gas and air but didn't bother getting the pethidine from the doctor (wish I had in retrospect). I got to fully dilated again, was in agony during transition, baby got stuck again. We tried every position imaginable, even had me sat on the toilet. Once again I was blue-lighted to hospital and ended up with an EMC.

I'm not trying to scare you or put you off a Homebirth, but you seem to have a similar history to me, don't put yourself in a position where you are in agony with no pain relief. It's the most scary feeling in the world being in unbelievable pain with no end in sight. I was begging for an epidural by then and had to wait for over two hours with non stop contractions. Sorry if that

Guy I'm so sorry, I didn't realise it was you when I replied! I'm so tired this morning I just replied while feeding dd and didn't read properly. What I said still stands though, please don't worry. Either nothing much will happen or you'll feel like you can't go on and then you can think not not to go now!
Dd is still really snotty and keeps waking herself up which is fun and ds wet his pjs in the night so I sorted all that out while dh slept blissfully on wasn't allowed to wake him as he's driving us back home today for the weekend.
Can your phone take photos? If yes ill send you a pic x

I had a sweep and midwife gleefully announced I was 4-5cm and in established labour. That evening when the birth centr midwife checked me I was 3-4cm and nothing much was happening. SHe was a bit cross that if been told that when the midwife had probably just stretched me.
If you're not overdue I'd decline it. Waste of time. You'll go into labour when your body's ready love.

Toomany - I completely 'get' where you're coming from and see that youre not trying to scare me etc. Don't worry - if I have to go in again and it seems like the labour is going as my first did then of course I wont hesitate. I do believe though that had I been encouraged to change position at home things may have been different - I wasnt sent into hosp with a 'stuck' baby, it was 'failure to progress' and once in hosp it was a further 8 hours before we found he was then stuck. I think this was due to the epidural (which I had to have as hadnt slept for 2 nights and was exhausted) and being laid on my back etc. My 2nd would've been fine to have at home, but I had to have her in hosp with a paediatrician on standby to check her throat etc as soon as she was born. I had an epidural this time purely because I was that worried about her, and figured if things were going to go 'wrong' again then Id at least like to be awake. I was so scared and worried that I think I just wanted to not have to deal with the contractions as well as the worry. I wont make myself suffer through labour if I truly believe I cant cope.

QNT - Don't worry lol I'll put it down to sheer tiredness Oh poor dd, dear of her shes so cute! Yep I can get pics on my phone! Ok then maybe I'll put the sweep off, and keep that as an option if I go really overdue!

Thanks to everyone that helped me on this thread. I had my baby boy on Friday. Hes beautiful, was another stargazer baby so I went into hosp at 9 cms when I couldn't take anymore. Thank god I did as I needed a bit of help to get him out. My biggest yet at 8lb 13oz!

In answer to why I started this thread - I'm pretty sure I was in transition when I told the (amazing) hospital midwife to "stop fucking bossing me about"

I promise I apologised afterwards! She was fab.

CONGRATS!!! Welcome to the world little boy, and well done you!

On another note, there was a woman on here who was convinced Terry Wogan had been at her birth because he was on the radio when she was in transition...

Thank you

My god I just roared at Terry Wogan being at the birth, that's so funny! Nearly shook the baby off my lap