I want a vb but I know an elcs is better for me :(

[Tea1Sugar]

Summary: May 2010 I had a 3a tear and pph. Stitches failed to heal so I had a full restitch twelve weeks later under GA and at the same time I had a rectocele repair (didn't know I had a prolapse until I came round but pleased it was all sorted in one go).

Now 30+2 with dd2. Convinced for so long that I wanted an ELCS. Consultant agreed at 16 weeks saying that as I've had a prolapse repair it's really for the best to avoid another vb. I breathed a sigh of relief and have spent the last three months feeling relieved that I don't have to experience birth again.

Until now. Two friends have recently had babies naturally and I can't help but feel a pang of disappointment that I won't experience it again. I know it's for the best, the risk (however small) of history repeating itself terrifies me but I so wish I didnt have to have a section.

It's ok to have the section but still grieve for the VB you would have preferred.

I had a very traumatic crash section. Then I was refused an ELCS and had a not nice but not awful EMCS for the second.

I grieved quite a lot really. If I had had major repair surgery I would want to avoid a VB in future, even though a straightforward VB is nearly everyone's hope.

What I mean is, it's normal and fine to have mixed feelings about it.

I think it's natural to have a wobble towards the end. If you'd planned a VB you'd now be wondering if you wanted a section.
Why don't you have a chat with your midwife to go over the pros & cons of both just to reaffirm the choice you've made.

What isis said, you don't get any brilliant choices so try to trust that you've made the best one available.

I agree, it's really OK to feel sad/have mixed feelings about this.

The main thing though is that your new baby arrives with both of you safe and well and able to enjoy the process of getting to know each other.

Thanks all. I just hope my section is a relatively "nice" experience.

I had an EMCS so a bit different but it was still a very positive experience. Have a chat with your midwife as to what to expect (lots of waiting around to start with due to the pesky EMCS ladies ). Once your spinal is in the anaesthetists job is to keep you/partner calm/happy. They'll chat to you, let you know what's going on etc. I was very lucky that my anaesthetist was a friend, I was booked under my married name but I work under my maiden name so she didn't know it was me until we were in theatre. We had a long chat about her divorce whilst the obs team got on with things.

Your going to have a wonderful birth! You wont be tired or in pain, its going to be glorious enjoy and hopefully you will feel great down below.

If you look on elc threads the majority say how calm and wonderful ELC is. Its calm and controlled, and painless - just about...you will be fresh and totally ready to take in and take care of your little baby.

Grieving over a birth you would like/want to have is totally understandable.

Maybe have look into a natural/family centred caesarean and see if it appeals to you and then can get the OB-GEN and hospital to support you in this.

Here a a few links to get
research paper

and a blog