Should my (slightly difficult) mum be around for due date or join us later?

[Elastigrrrl]

Hi All. To cut to the chase, my mother is wonderful in many ways, but can be rather emotional, argumentative and stress-inducing (yes, like many mums I am sure, but she can get properly mean at her worst). I am expecting my first child in May. though I know she would be of great practical help to my husband and me (and would like to come), I am aware that emotions will be running high and sleep low, and there is a high risk of tension. My Dad would probably make the situation worse.

I can't decide, therefore, whether to bring them over from the US for the due date itself, or ask them to come a couple weeks later once things have settled down - relatively speaking! Also obviously I don't want them coming over earlier and the little tyke delaying his arrival just in time for them to leave.

Anyone out there with a difficult parent who either found it brilliant or hideous having them around? Advice would be welcome.

Thank you!

You have answered your own question. Definitely later when the baby is a couple of weeks old and your partner is back at work after leave.

I would wait. I was in the same situation and had my mum arrive from Australia about a week after the due date. Well DD arrived 16 days late, didn't she! We ended up sitting around the house just waiting as I wasn't really up for doing a lot, as I am sure you can understand, and it did get on my nerves.
Will they be staying with you? There was also the issue of what to do with her when I went into labour as I didn't feel like I wanted her there for that. Fortunately MIL took her off my hands, but something to bare in mind.
I am pregnant again now and the earliest that I have said that either of my parents (divorced) can arrive is 3 weeks after due date.... just hope we aren't caught out again but this time by an early arrival.

I had this exact dilemma! (Made harder by the fact she and my DP can clash and hes out of work atm so I was worried we'd all be on top of each other) We decided she should come two weeks after due date but then DS arrived 3 weeks early! Her work did her a favour by moving her holiday and she came to stay a couple weeks later, the plan was a week but due to illness was just 4 days. That was long enough tbh but it all went fine, she was so besotted with her first grandson that there were no issues at all. good luck!

Later! Really later. Going into labour is a tricky balance of emotions and hormones. Having people around how might disrupt that by making you tense and stress won't be helpful. Why not get them to come at say 3 or 4 weeks post due date.

I agree, later, when I went into labour I only wanted DP around and my mum (we do get on but I am a little anti-social and like my own space very much!) turned up at hospital and my poor DP had to tell her to go, she understood, this time round am hoping she will not be in town till after labour. After labour I just wanted to go home and be with DD, DP and dogs and could really not be bothered with anyone else for the first week (preferably two but you can only hold off close family for so long, they come when they want).

Later- definitely! Mine are here now, arrived when DD was three weeks and I still wish it was later. But my DM isn't any practical help and creates more work, DF somewhat counterbalances this but not enough! With first she arrived on day DS born - bloody nightmare.

Ladies, you've made things abundantly clear for me. Thanks so much.

In terms of accommodation, we really hope to put them in a local B&B or something as we're just in a two-bedroom (one toilet) flat. Sharing would not be conducive to familial harmony! Nonetheless, it seems obvious now that any practical assistance I would value in the first crazy days would be quickly counter-balanced by excess maternal emotional tension.

Thanks again, you're brilliant.

Much the same sort of relationship here: I love my Mum but she really stresses me out sometimes. With ds she came to help the day before my due date and stressed me out majorly about something. I then slept badly, then had a hot bath and rushed to my 40 wk midwife appointment the next day. She said my blood pressure was high and to go to Hosp for monitoring (this was mid morning). After a few hours' monitoring at the Hosp it was still high at 3pm- no other signs of pre eclampsia but they did a sweep to be on the safe side, which kicked things off at midnight then ds was born 3pm the following day. So in essence I'd advise your Mum coming at least 2 wks after due date, when baby should be here- worth considering the effect in your blood pressure if she came before, you don't want a false suggestion of pre eclampsia like me! Good luck with it all.

My mother is wonderful and we have a fabulous relationship. She didn't come out from Australia until DS was 5 weeks old, and she stayed in serviced apartment.

As luck would have it DS arrived on his due date, but even at two weeks late he'd still have bee here, and DH back at work, before my parents arrived.

Good food for thought. Couldn't bear the thought of a major stress right before labour like that! Thanks.