A new homebirth thread...

[dejags]

I am in the process of making my mind up about having our second baby at home. There are a couple of things which are worrying me though...

1. The noise - my first labour was a very noisy affair, what on earth will the neighbours think? (we live in a semi)

2. what happens if DS needs to leave the house in the middle of the night - he is only 3 and this may frighten him?

silly little things I know but was wondering what you did?

Good luck dejags. I was desperate to have a home birth for no.2 too and (despite having to be transferred to hospital at 10 cms as baby was stuck) it was worth the worry and planning. Being at home was so much more relaxing and "safe" feelign for me. DH found it less intimidating too. I also really believe that the pain was more manageable thanks to being more comfortable and relaxed.
I was worried about the same things

1. we have thin walls and my neighbours heard nothing (definitely the sort who will tell you if they heard) second time round I found I was less scared, felt more in control and was actually quieter even on less medication
2. My mw insisted on a back up plan for our DD, that there was someone willing to take her and collect her within 5 mins at any time of day or night if necessary. We have close family so it was easy to arrange, but worth thinking about. Despite being a night labour, I did post her off to her grandparents as she knew there was something up and wouldn?t go to bed. She had a terrible night and slept very little with them, loads of tears. But, she got over it and survived. it wasn?t the end of the world and was fine the next morning, just tired. Also, worth remembering that your DS could be in the same boat if you needed to go in to hospital anyway, homebirth gives a better chance of being able to stay at home.

Other things to consider - which room will you labour in? I spent time upstairs for privacy and chose the room to give birth in (although didn?t happen) to be one less likely to be overheard by neighbours.
Do you want to hire a pool? If so, need to get organised as many book up early.
Are your mws "up for it"? It is one thing them agreeing to it in principal, but how often do they do it in your area and what is the hopsital transfer time like for emergencies?
What are the conditions for them refusing a home birth and are they likely to cause problems (I had anaemia and was a bit touch and go)
What does DH think about it all? Is he really happy for you to be at home? No good getting pannicked when you are already getting contractions and the midwife isn?t planning on arriving for a few hours.
Just a few thoughts and ideas that cropped up with us.
Good Luck - if I did it again I would try again for a home birth every time even though it didn?t work out last time.

just another thought, it might be worth reading through some of the old home birth threads as there are lots of advice and ideas that gave me peace of mind and support when I was pregnant and in your shoes trying to make up my mind.

hi dejags. Yep, no 2 was very very noisy and our house is terraced so 2 sides probably heard it. I must admit it worried me too but not enough to want to go into hospital. While it was going on I didn't care tbh! My ds was at my mum's already luckily enough so I just called her and asked her to keep him another night. I had step sister round the corner on standby if he needed collecting in the middle of the night, could you do something similar with friends or family? My ds is older (6yo) but I wouldn't have wanted him there so there would have been no other option for me. As long as it's someone he knows I should think he'll be ok. Or you could get same person to come to sit with him in case he wakes up - is he a sleep through anything type?

Could you ask a neighbour if they would be prepared to come and sleep in your house if need be. Then your ds wouldn't need to be disturbed.

Good luck - homebirth is good!

I had my first at home so didn't have the problem of another to worry about. But I would say that I do thoroughly recommend it. I am not a great fan of pain (who is?) but I do think that the intensity of pain can be exacerbated by anxiety brought on by extraneous factors. For me, having the baby at home helped me labour in a way that cut that anxiety right down.

There is something intrinsically relaxing about being surrounded only by people you know, music you like, your own possessions despite the fact that you ar in pain. Not being in hospital meant that I never felt panicky - no distractions - no bleeping machines, stressful sounds coming from the room next door etc and after my dd was born I was able to get in my own bed with her and my dh.

As for the noise - I don't know how you felt the first time but the truth is that concern for the neighbours was - when push came to shove (So to speak!) really was the last thing on my mind. My dd was born at 1.15am in a terraced house and after her birth I did ask one of my neighbours tentatively if I'd disturbed her. She assured me that she hadn't but at the time I couldn't really have cared less. Imagine if the worst happened and your neighbours knocked on your door to complain about the noise - what a wonderful excuse you'd have. Good luck, whatever your decision!

Hi dejags, some good advice here. For what it's worth, after my homebirth I asked my neighbour afterwards whether she had heard anything and she said not. I am planning a homebirth this time too. I am a little worried about how my ds will deal with it (he is 4 and a half) but I think as long as you have a number of options (someone to look after him in your house, or somewhere else for him to go) there's not much more that you can do. How much does your ds understand about the baby coming?

Hi Dejags, I had my booking today - for a homebirth (fingers crossed, didn't happen with dd1). I asked the midwife if dd1 was likely to be scared (my Mum remembers her youngest brother being born at home and being terrified). Midwife says children are usually fine - they have an inate understanding of what's happening. It does worry me though - how she'll react....almost enough to sway me at times.

I'm also planning a homebirth with my 3rd (due in 5 weeks) but would really worry about my dds (aged 3 and 2) being there. They get anxious when I am stressed or crying.

But I guess if they have someone they are close to with them they will get reassurance. can you see how it goes - if it's a slow labour you could leave him asleep and get someone to pick him up first thing in the morning. (I am anticipating a very long labour as my first two were long)

Hi dejags, I'm 15+ weeks and I'm planning a homebirth this time. My DD is 22 months, so will be about 2 and 4 months by the time no. 2 arrives .
I've had several chats with my community midwife about the homebirth. She knows my DD quite well, and she and I both think that she's too perceptive to be able to witness me in labour without it effecting her detrimentally. My plan 'a' is to have my MIL over with the purpose of minding my DD while I'm in labour, in another part of the house, but with the option of bringing DD to her home, if needs be.
During my 1st labour I was LOUD! (To the point that I was effectively told so by the midwife, and made to use peth in hospital ) My sister and I were discussing whether the neighbours were likely to call the police, thinking that someone was being attacked if I'm as loud this time . So, I've decided to forewarn them. I can't see there being complaints about the noise - it's a one off, and for a very good cause! I think there's more likely to be concern that I'm either being attacked, or going through an unplanned homebirth (an emergency) if I don't say something.
Like someone said, your DS might have to leave the house in the night if you had to go to hospital anyway, so could you put the same plans in place as if you were (if you aren't sure he should be there).
Good luck with the decision making . I know I'm looking forward to mine! (Though it's amazing the amount of people who think they can be there 'cause I'm going to be at home rather in hospital! So far I've been 'allocated' 3/4 childminders, 3/4 birth partners, 3 taxi drivers (just in case!) rolleyes, 1 cuppa maker, and of course however many midwives arrive too . - At least, that's what they think )

I birthed DD in a semi, screaming a fair bit around 3am in our large, echoy, tiled kitchen. Neighbours were astonished later on when I told them. Claim they didn't hear a thing.

Wouldn't your 3yo DS have to leave the house in middle of night anyway, if you went to hospital? Or were you thinking that DH would stay at home with him?

1. When I saw my neighbours after DD's birth (and we live in a terraced house)... they said : "Oh my god when was she born".... a week ago was my reply!

2. Amazingly siblings issues always frigthen us yet they always get sorted easily..... DS slept throughout ! He woke up at 7AM to a new sisetr (she was born at 10:30PM)... he went to bed easily at 7PM when I started seriously contracting.

It is very common for woman to have homebirths in the middle of the night! If you do shout the house down it is likely to be at the very end only... if he came down it would be all over.

I had a homebirth 3 weeks ago and it was the best thing i ever did!! I live in a first floor flat and had 2 other kids to sort out. My kids are 4 and 2, and were in the next room playing with my friend and her daughter. None of them heard a thing, and I had to stop them all walking out the door after I had had him cos they thought it would be ages til he came!! They didn't have a clue I'd had him. for me there were more pros than cons to a homebirth. i was more relaxed and coped better. after having 2 bad births in hospital, i needed to feel more in control and thats what happened. I would advise packing hospital bags though in case you do have to suddenly go to hospital. otherwise who knows what your other half will pack for you in a rush?! have someone 'on call' for your little on and a back up as well in case. i really would reccomend a home birth. my labour started at 9am. by 3pm that day, by baby was born, i was showered, midwife had gone and we were all tucked up in bed together having a big cuddle!! good luck. i hope all goes well for you.

Thanks for your replies everyone.

I had my booking appt last week (sorry if I am repeating myself?). The midwife was very supportive of a home birth and stressed that I was likely to receive more one-on-one & continuous care at home than I ever would in the hospital.

I have a friend who is willing to take DS and has said that she will come to us at any time day or night. My only worry is that he doesn't know her very well - probably a good time to rectify that soon. DS is a very heavy sleeper - we have had some very noisy parties in the past and he has never woken, so hopefully he would make it to the morning.

I still feel nervous about this option - especially as my mother is dead against it. These are some of her comments:

"You could be endangering the baby"
"this is the 21st century we don't need to have babies at home - that's what hospitals are for"
"You'll never get through it without pain relief - go for the epidural, there's no need to suffer".

I find her comments really undermine my confidence with this decision - she is playing on all my fears, despite the fact that I managed throughout my last labour without any effective pain relief (2 hideous failed epidurals) and am 100% committed to a drug free labour this time round.

Amazing really - my mother doesn't give a toss about me, I am sure she just goes on to wind me up.

Sorry this has been so long... promise next posting will be shorter

Dejags, go for it if you want to. My dp was dead against, and his mother was too fwiw...I just went for it. And it was utterly brilliant. AND one of the few times in my life when I've ever shut UP!

Message withdrawn

I agree with secur - don't let your mum discourage you if you decide to go for it.
Pupuce, is that really true about homebirths commonly occurring in the middle of the night?

Yes - sometimes they finish in the daytime though.... 2nd/3rd timers are renowned to be quick and in the night.

just to be the exception that proves the rule...my homebirth (second labour) happened at 5.45pm - labour got going around 10am that morning.
fwiw, dejags, I was nervous too. My strategy was simply not to discuss it with anyone - in fact quite a few of my friends didn't know I was planning a homebirth until afterwards!! I also decided that I would just go along with it as far as I felt happy with it - and if I felt uncomfortable with the decision I would simply change my mind. To me, that was another reason not to discuss it with people - just as I didn't want people to spook me and undermine my confidence, I also didn't want to feel backed into a corner and sticking to my guns even if I didn't really want to.
In the event it all went very smoothly and was a great experience (still hurt like hell though )

Elliott - were you fairly settled as where your first child would be ?
The reason 2nd timers are at night is because they won't "go" into labour until their other children are in bed/out of the way.... it's a self=preservation mechanism if you will.
Women who want their other children to be there for their home birth have their babies daytime!
Of course there are always exceptions....

Dejags - I am nearly 11 weeks pregnant and also booking in for a home birth. I had a homebirth with ds2 and it was fantastic. We had mechanisms in place for ds1 but I went into labour at 10pm, and had ds2 at 6am. Ds1 came down stairs at 7am to be greeted by his little brother. We had neighbours on both sides as well and they heard nothing. Have you managed to find Rhubarbs thread on home birth? It must have started a year ago and there were some fantastic stories on it as well as some excellent advice.

btw my dh was also very anti but my midwife came to see us one evening and questionned why he was worried (emergencies, baby not breathing, etc) and basically put his mind at rest. His main concern was when would an emergency be classed as such and how would we get to the hospital. She was very reassuring explaining that at the slightest inkling of something not being quite right she would send for the ambulance.

It was the most positive experience I have ever had and wish you luck in your decision.

I'm glad I've read this thread because it has put my mind at rest about what happens to DS if I go into labour at night. Although both my Mum and MIL would be willing to have him they both live a good hour's drive away and it doesn't seem fair in the middle of the night on them or DS. Also got a neighbour who would have him but not happy about transplanting him in the middle of the night. But he sleeps through us shouting up and down stairs to him and hoovering the hall while his bedroom door is open. And I wasn't that noisy last time - only for the pushing. So he can stay put.

Although according to Pupuce's theory I will have the baby during the day while he is at nursery (Tues - Thurs although due Sun) which would solve all my problems.

Feel much better now.

I'm 19 weeks pregnant with my first child and am thinking about having a home birth. Would it be better/safer to go a hospital (it being the first) or would this not matter?

Mcgarry, I had my first (and second) at home. Statistics show that planned home birth is as safe as hospital birth.

If you are booked for a home birth, you can change your mind at any point and go to hospital. With most midwifery practices, you can't do the opposite. So if you think you might want a home birth, opt for one. Nobody will make you stick to that.

If nobody flags anything up, I think you'd be fine at home.

I didn't have my first at home, and I do know that it would have been a long, hard slog and I probably wouldn't have handled it - but that was, to quote my lovely midwife, a 'particularly crappy labour'. My second was at home and so amazing, I can't tell you. I regularly think about it, and every time I revisit the memory I am lost in wonder and delight.