be honest she says.....

[munz]

my mate, she's 36 weeks PG and want's me to be honest about my labour to her, so far iv'e said (quite honestly) I can't really remeber it epidural/G&A are fab! but did also say it's like bad period pains/really bad wind lol. (I never had PP's!

anyhow she's been told the head's now engaged, adn is the sort of person who likes to think she knows how it fels/would know if something happened - ie we were talking on tues about when Joey was engaged and I said 38 weeks, saw the M/W got told engaged and in labour the next morning. and she said oh i'm not yet i'd know if I was i'm sure, on weds the m/w said she was and now (bless her! lol) she's really scared/upset about it.

so far i've said take the drugs if u want them. althou she's worried about gettin to 5cm for the epidural.

so in short any tips on a good labour for her, and also how would u best describe your labour?

(I darent tell her it felt like my pelvis was splitting)

ooh but did tell her when the baby comes out tehy shove a guilty chip up there in it's place! lol.

all I can remember about dd2's is feeling stoned as a coot on the gas and air and that I felt in control all the time and it was magical

just tell her to have gas and air asap and NEVER let anyone take it off you

lol, ooh yes i've said that, I soo remember first getting there at 2 cm saying to DH I need a wee to which he says well go then, and I was like no i'm not leaving my G&A - bloody hose thingy wouldn't reach intot he loo! lol

yeah, I had an epidural and when I had to swing my legs over the edge of the bed so he could put the epidural in the midwife went to take the gas and air out of my hand and I nearly slapped her

she was just swapping it to my other hand cause it wouldn't reach otherwise

LMAO! lol. bes tnot tell her any of these thou! she's not too good with the whole pain thing.

hmm tricky one. I must admit I felt a bit betrayed by my family and friends who had been through it and never thought to share their experiences until afterwards when they all nodded knowingly. I know that they didn't tell me so as not to scare me 'witless' but the fact that they let me go into that maternity ward with no clue what it would or could be like made it more terrifying for me at least. I have told my dearest friends (who have both had babies after me) my story after giving them the choice to opt out and they both seemed quite pleased to have heard it. I did throw in quite a few 'Well I'm sure you will cope much better than I did' and 'You see you KNOW to tell them to get you the gas and air when you feel the pains coming'. As a matter of interest, one had a really straightforward delivery so was pleasantly surprised and the other had a complicated labour that ended up with a caesarian so she didn't feel that she was the only one who had a rough time.
You know your friend best, ask her if she wants to hear the real version and remind her that no two deliveries are ever the same. Wish her good luck from me. I'm thinking of her.

Mmmmm gas and air, oh to be in labour again

I remember saying I needed a wee and I just went their and then the midwife cleaned it all up and then because I needed to go again she stuck a cathiter (sp) in, and my God I never knew I needed to wee so much. DH still comments on it now.

Anyway I had a really good birth and to be honest can't wait to go through it again, if we are lucky enough to conceive.

My labours were very strong, painful toward the end, but not overwhelmingly so - just felt very...well, strong is the word, I think.

I found I didn't want anyone messing with me, I didn't want gas and air to fuss with, I just wanted to concentrate.

I think part of it is attitude, part of it is pain threshold and part of it is luck - if you expect not to be able to cope, you aren't good with pain and your baby is in an awkward position, it will obviously be harder than if you think you can cope, have a high pain threshold and a baby who moves just the right way through the pelvis (that said, DS1 was back to back and that was sore!).

I'm not aiming to be smug here - I just think it's never helpful if only people who found labour excrutiating post on threads like these. I did find it painful (you'll see how much from the thread I posted on when I was in labour with DS2 - 2.5 hours after my last post he'd been born ), just not the most painful thing I've ever had.

Well I didn't "do drugs" - but not for want of trying, my children just arrived too quickly

I would def. advise that you take what you feel you need on the day and that you need to just accept it is going to happen and try to avoid getting too tense about it all.

Tips for early labour, stay upright/lean forward (I stayed on my knees on the floor and leant on the bed with my knees wide apart) this allows circling the hips which can help psychologicaly with pain control along with allowing gravity to do it's bit!

How labour felt - for me it was as if my abdomon had got a life of it's own! It would do this whole contraction thingy and I would kind of watch it happening - I had no control over it at all and - apart from the cramping feeling it was like it was happening to someone else!

God after dd1 within ten minutues I was telling everyone it didn't hurt dp was telling them otherwize. DD2 I remeber alot more becauswe I was so tired..but I had both of mone with tens alone! Feeling the head bit come out was just amazing!
My top tip is keep active as much as possible.

SM, definitely agree about staying upright - and try hard not to be on your back - tell her she's the one in labour and if they want to look up her fanjo, they can bloody well do it when she's in a comfortable position!

HM - I second that with knobs on!

In my first two labours I allowed them to lay me down to "take a look" and I couldn't move again - cue huge increase in pain and huge slowing of labour (from super-duper-wooper fast to just plain silly fast!)

next two labours I refused - and the difference was amasing, I felt much more in control and the pain was so much less!

Also, if things are progressing quickly and you need a break you can lean forward onto your elbows which relieves the pressure a little and give you a very brief breather!

(to clarify, the pain was too much and I was too scared to try to move - if someone had told me how much better it was upright I would have made the effort to force myself, but the MW liked the easy access )

In my personal opionion my tips would be:

• try and have an open mind. don't think - i want drugs - straightaway, you might be ok without them, you might be better without them. If you ned them, go for it, but just try and keep an open mind.
• keep calm, don't panic, breathe, stay focused and keep telling yourself it's ok, its ok, it's only childbirthm it's gonna be ok. don't tense up, a tight, tense jaw + a tight tense body and therefore a tight tense nunny!
• Keep mobile, keep walking around, stay uright, or on hands and knees during contraction. An epidural won't let you do that and will slow the whole process down.
• it hurts but your body releases natural endorphines to help you. Distract yourself during contrac tions with a tens machine or get in bath and get DH to pour water over bump while having contraction.
• teach DH how to push down on your low back so help ease pain.

I would describe them as surprisingly fast, surprisingly bearable, generally a positive experience. Scary but exciting. I felt in control and calm. I threw up once in each of the 2 labours. Both times it felt I was pushing babies out of my bum not my nunny but knew that was gonna happen so was ok. Felt better once i went into that trance like state that your body takes you to as I knew i was nearly there and my body was helping me deal.

oh and I found really shouting and doing that loud 'i'm in labour' noise helped me through contractions. When I wasn't in bath i found being on my knees o floor and leaning onto bed and holding onto my pillow and sort of screaming into it helped get me through. They were unbelievably painful like someone had just shoved a watermelon up me and was twising in painfully around inside me and th pain was rushing up over my spine and over my head in waves.

thanks guys keep em coming will read thru and talk to her later on.

I was told to lay down as well cos I had an epidural and was told I couldn't be on all 4's /stand up after having it, even thou I was progressing v v quickly up till then (6 cm in 4 hours with the first labour0 then I took 6 hours to do the other 4, and 2 of pushing)

Interesting to read this. I always wondered what normal contractions felt like. I had artificially induced labour with drip/syntocinon without any pain relief. The contraction built up very quickly (15 sec) and then it was like my whole bump went into a shock spasm for 45 secs. Literally like having an electric shock. If I was on the bed (which I had to for internals), I would be writhing uncontrollably. They seemed like only 3 mins apart. I only got to 4 cm before my baby went into distress (not to mention me suddenly being v. amenable to pain relief!).

Though probably not terribly relevant for your friend, Munz.

I agree with hunker.

If anyone ever asks me what labour feels like I always say it is like having deep heat sprayed inside your tummy, just under the skin and moving progressively downwards.

I think the thing that made labour with no pain relief more bearable is that I could feel something happening with every contraction.

Shouting lots helped too.

I'm 29 weeks with 1st preg, and am very scared of labour after hearing what it's like from friends and cousins, as the consensus seems to be either you have an epidural and it's not that bad but you're hooked up to millions of machines and risk more intervention, or you have to go through this f+king painful medeiaval process which shocks you completely.

BUT I think it is better to be honest with 1st time mums, as glossing over it doesn't help anyone. Personally I worry and feel scared a LOT, but you can't worry all the time, and as I'm naturally optimistic I start trying to think positively about it as well.

What I was going to ask is, do you think it's worth getting a doula? I like the idea of someone being with you one on one (apart from DH), who coaches you through it. but what if you just want to be alone as it were and concentrate? I'm worried about the stress of having her there and maybe not wanting her to be too hands on, but I guess they are good at knowing when to back off, yes? I'm having the baby in Belgium in a hospital with lots of midwives available, but don't think they stay with you 100% of the time..

gg - I don't have any experience of doulas but my midwife was fantastic. She did pop in and out but she was there when I needed her.
My experience of labour is similar to others. I found pacing up and down during contractions in early labour and counting really helped. That way I knew that when I had counted to 20 the contraction would have died down.

gem mine also came and went, at one point it was just me and the anethasist, poor bloke it's a wonder he's got any fingers left! lol.

xav - see that's it, I was unable to really feel anything after the epidurla went in - I went frmo 6cm to 10 without feeling too much - althou I did have the G&A in my gob sucking away all the while! lol.

i've resolved not to tell her the truth fully as she'll only panic and clam up I feel. as she's a nautral born worrier, and is v highly strung.

instead I was going to suggest all of the good tips you guys have, she's not going for the tens so will suggest she has a massage if it helps, pace up and down (that really helped me as well) closing eyes and focusing/breathing thru the pain. and as for what the pain actually feels like I'll say varys from woman to woman, mine was v quick and not too bad (end was a bit of complication) but 95% was straightforward quick and easy, but some women are lucky to have their babies within a few hours. (not going to mention about those in labour for days) she's been predicted a 8-9lb babay, and seems to think if she goes more than 1 week over she's going to ddemand an induction - our hospital doesn't induce that soon afaik unless there's a serious problem which as of the minute there isn't.

do u think that sounds fair thou?

From my experience I would say - stay at home as long as possible, try TENs - I found it great in the early stages, a warm bath when things get intense was bliss. Warn DP/DH that you might not want them near you in the second stage.

I found it all very manageable until I went to hospital in transition, the second stage was excruciating - I felt every f*ing millimetre of that head come out BUT you do forget the pain. I want a homebirth next time (if there is one) as I think that would make the second stage easier.

i would highly recommend an epidural as i was scared stiff first time round and had high blood pressure. the birth then was enjoyable with minimal pain and i could focus on what i was doing.the second time i didnt have time for one so had nothing and i was screaming.the baby was fast and i couldnt walk for months after.id tell her to just keep remembering what shes getting at the end a lovely little baby and that its worth it.

munz- but I'm also a highly strung worrier, and I would definitely rather know that it hurts a hell of a lot, (along with all the positive stuff of getting the baby at the end etc), and to be prepared, rather than thinking it's going to be a breeze and then having the most awful shock..

In a way, I'd rather think 'yes, it is going to be very difficult and painful, and I have to be brave and get myself mentally ready for it.'I'd rather have the worry first, and deal with it, if you see what I mean.

Don't know if it would help her, but I've been writing down a list of physically challenging times in my life, and how I've got through it (e..g parachute jump, climbing mountains, very bad period pains etc), and trying to think 'what was it that got me through, and what helped and what didn't help, how did others help me cope, how did I find the resources to cope', and I'm hoping this could aid me for childbirth... but might not work for everyone.

On the other hand, the only thing that's stopping me deciding already for the epidural is the lack of real mobility, even with mobile epi, and the threat of urinary catheter (that REALLY scares me!)

I'd say one of the positives is that you don't really feel like you are there or yourself during labour. It IS VERY painful and intense [in my experience] but it kind of takes you over, time really does fly and it happens!

If you feel like its getting too much and you can't cope then ask for an epidural [which is wonderful] but make sure they listen and do it asap. I said I couldn't cope then the midwife went on an hours tea break leaving dp [who was fantastic and VERY brave] to cope while I wimpered about not being able to go on between contractions with only the help of a student who was NO help and just wrote notes the whole time! Then it took a couple of hours to locate the anaethetist and get it working.

Also, do whatever you can to avoid lying down on your back as it makes the pain FAR, FAR worse!

I'm not a noisy person but friends who don't mind making lots of noise swear by shouting/screaming, and say it really did help to get through it without pain relief - so go for it if you can!