3rd degree tear - how long to recover emotionally and physically?

[FromagePlease]

I had my dd 2 weeks ago, and whilst everything seemed to go well (water birth, no particular problem getting her out) I sustained an internal 3rd degree tear and was stitched up in theatre.

I'm feeling pretty low. I cry lots. It still hurts lots. Annoyingly the pain has increased in the last few days.

My questions: is it normal to be crying so much and to be re-living the birth in my head? Should it I'll be so painful? Will I have retorn the stitches? I want my old life back. The midwives who have come to visit have been all about the baby and couldn't help when I asked about the pain. GP check isnt for another 6 weeks.

Aah Fromage, those things are a normal reaction to what you've been through - so don't beat yourself up for "not coping" or anything - but that doesn't mean you have to put up with things as they are.

Please see your GP about the pain. I tore my stitches and my GP monitored the healing for a couple of weeks with follow-up appointments. They can also prescribe you stronger painkillers or antibiotics if need be.

Either the midwives or the GP can put you in touch/refer you to someone who can debrief you on the birth. I saw a consultant and a senior midwife who explained what had happened step by step and why interventions were made. It helped with flashbacks.

And congratulations on your DD!

Hi fromage
I had my dd 3 weeks ago and she was a small baby but i still suffered an external 3b tear and had to be transferred from the midwife unit to hospital for stitches (on xmas eve none the less therefore spending most of xmas day in hospital)
I understand what you are going through and its tough. I also relive the birth thinking could i have done anything different to stop the tear as it has put a slight dampener on the birth of my first child.
I have found that over the past week the pain has really started to improve and i am slowly feeling much better in myself.
Your midwife should be checking you are ok when she visits as your wellbeing is part of their care too.

If you are concerned and the mw is unhelpful def book to see your gp. In my area we are automatically referred for physio so that might be something to ask about (they just check how your pelvic floor is going)

Things will get better but dont suffer in silence.

Just a slightly different view, form someone who did not have a 3rd degree tear (not sure what i did have tbh) - i had an episiotomy with dd1 so was stitched up afterwards, i tore with dd2, but the midwives decided i didn't need stitching this time.

I was so much more comfortable after the second birth than the first and it was several weeks before i realised that, of course, even soluble stitches are not comfortable and things are better when they're gone.

And please, no one should be re-running a birth in their heads and wondering what they could have done differently - you did what was right at the time and you weren't really in control of your body anyway.

Hope you feel better soon, OP.

Completely normal reaction and feelings. I had 4th degree tear with my DS 2 years ago so know how you feel. I had shoulder dystocia, pph, pnd & ptsd and did a lot of counselling.

Firstly you shouldnt be in more pain, so make a gp appointment asap, you could have a small infection or stitches coming away and a course of antibiotics and someone who knows what they are looking at will make all the difference.

Next, keep up with your pain medication, paracetamol & ibuprofen by the clock rather than when you feel sore. An take things slowly, you may be just startig to feel a bit better and doing too much (that extra load of washing, walking a bit further than usual) will stress the muscles.

Try to do your pelvic floor exercises, even if you cant feel them properly, just keep trying. It increases blood flow to the area which will help healing.

Its still very early days, try not to beat yourself up about the ifs whys & maybes at this stage and just enjoy your newborn. It is very normal to relive it & wonder. Its how you process it, at the time theres a lot of hormones, emotions, thigs happen that you dont expect and you go into a survival sort of mode. Now the dust is settling you have time to start thinking things through. Speak to your gp or health visitor if you feel you want counselling.

Theres also a good support thread in the general health section called Raggedies. We have all had problems so may be worthwhile taking a look there for further support if things dont heal as you hope.

Thank you all. Your replies made me cry (blasted hormones) I called this afternoon and have to wait two weeks for a routine GP appointment but can go in as a walk-in if it's an emergency. Not sure that it strictly is, but I'm worried that the pain is increasing so might go tomorrow. No idea how I get the baby ready for 9am however!

Please class it as urgent, you should be seen as a matter of urgency - if you cant get into the gp for 9am could you go to a midwife drop in clinic later in the day? Or get your DH to get up a bit earlier to help with breakfast and remember you dont have to shower & be perfect to get out the door for something like this, you just need someone to have a look. The midwives wont be as good as seeing the gp but should be able to see if there is signs of infection or stitches breaking down.

And do cry, no-one really prepares you for how bad a tear can be so it can be quite a shock. Crying is one way of getting the pent up emotion out.

As cravingcake said, you're entitled to that emergency appointment - no HCP would turn you away! Good luck today.

Definitely see your GP to put your mind at rest. I has a second degree tear 7 weeks ago when I had my DS, and the pain intensified at week three...It settled down by itself though, and I only noticed last week that I hardly hurt at all down there...its taken that long...noone ever explained the pain after the birth! It got me really down, I was worried I couldn't pick up the baby for a few weeks as it was so painful, and don't even talk about pooing and showering...ouch. Never known pain like it (at least my labour was only four hours), and a horrible 'falling out' feeling too.

In the meantime take plenty of paracetemol and ibuprofen, nice baths, and you can get cool packs from mothercare which are supposed to be good.

It does get better but I had no idea it would take so long, and I still feel a bit bruised at times (rarely but I will be asking at my 8wk appointment next week). I would see your go though just to be sure its nothing nasty, as everyone has different pain thresholds and reactions and healing times for childbirth so noone else can really say if its truly normal.

How did you get on at the GP if you managed to get in? How are you feeling now?