C-Section for Dads

[ilivewithian]

I'm a new dad, a very new dad, our little boy was born less than 12 hours ago. My wife's waters broke in spectacular fashion in the early hours of the morning and contractions started. The hospital asked us to come in for a check up and we discovered that baby had gone from 4/5 engaged to breech in 4 days. We ended up having an emergency C-Section, the baby is in perfect health. Mum is doing ok, or she was when I left the hospital a couple of hours ago.

Since getting home I've done a lot of reading about recovery and the support my wife will need.

What I can't find is dads talking about what helped them to help the mums. Apart from the advice on lifting things, gentle exercise and expectations of the scars left, what advice would other dads give that will help me look after my new family as my wife recovers from a C-Section?

Hi

How lovely of you to be so supportive. Congratulations on your little boy.

I had an emcs with my first child. Things to be aware of from my own experiences...

Physically:
Lots of cushions to prop up in bed/chair.
Do all nappy changes for several days to avoid her having to bend.
Make sure she has plenty of rest. Limit visitors ideally no more than 1/2 short visits a day. It is doubly exhausting post op as well as baby.
Help her with getting dressed if she needs it.
Make sure she takes all pain relief in time regardless if she says she feels ok, it can creep up suddenly and then you feel awful.
Make sure she has lots of loose fitting trousers which won't press in her tummy, pj bottoms are ideal.
Legs get incredibly swollen, hot and sore, get a cooling footspray it really helps.

Emotionally
Day 3/4 is hellish hormone wise so she will need lots of support.
Some women (me!) begin to feel wobbly about not having given birth 'naturally' or followed a birth plan, get her to speak to MW if this is the case-hopefully not!!
I wanted to do everything immediately but she absolutely must relax and heal.
Make sure you tell her how amazing she is

If I think of anything else I will post. Congratulations to you and your wife.

Knew I would remember things as soon as I posted...

Referred pain in shoulders is absolutely grim, for me it was worse than the wound. apparently peppermint can help as well as anti wind medication.

Wet wipes in the loo so she can freshen up easily.

A small fan by the bed/sofa as you can suddenly get very hot.

Plenty of fluids, ESP if breastfeeding.

I had a big dip in appetite but encourage her to eat.

How lovely - you should run courses, my Dh is lovely but totally useless with anything like this.

2nd what whatsin said, apart from the visitors - I loved having people round.

I went slightly crazy on day 3 - ranting and yelling about how awful a mother I was because I hadn't given birth properly etc. Lasted a few hours and was totally irrational and not like me. I knew I was being mad but couldn't help it!

Tell her that black poo is totally normal and a side efffect of the iron tablets. No-one told me and I thought I was dying!

Don't say ' at least you'll still be tight down there' like my bil did to his wife!

Ooh - and mind the speed bumps. My god, it was like being driven over a spike. DS was in hospital for a while, DH went back to work to save his paternity leave and I had to get taxis to hospital to see ds... drivers DID NOT listen and it really hurt!

Ooh yes Bob, totally agree on bumps. I spent the 30 min car journey home gripping the side of the car and bracing for impact at every turn and bump. Smooth slow driving is a must

If you have stairs, make sure that you have the stuff you need for baby changing both upstairs and downstairs. Stairs were a nightmare for me for quite a while.

Emotionally, I didn't have any issues about not giving birth naturally, for me the big problem was the temporary loss of independence. I hated asking for help, so maybe you can be prepared for this.

Yes, Bob is spot on. Drive home very carefully, you feel like you are going to snap in half over every bump and on braking.

massive congratulations and your wife is very lucky to have someone so helpful and supportive.

If your wife wants to breastfeed it can take longer for milk to come in following a c section so make sure you get good bf support. Not all midwives have good knowledge, so make rue you speak to a properly trained midwife/ bf advisor. A good website for online info is kellymom. A link to breastfeeding after a section is here:
[http://kellymom.com/ages/newborn/newborn-concerns/c-section/]

I can tell you want to be supportive to your wife and new baby, but make sure you look after yourself too.
Think about the people in your life who can support you in the first few weeks (parents, friends etc) so you can have the resilience to support your wife. Also make space (when you're both ready) to talk about the birth with your wife as you will both remember different things and talking about it will help you both to process it. It can be easy to be sucked into looking after the baby and rightly so I suppose, but for me it was immensely helpful to make sense of what happened and why.

Congratulations again and enjoy your son.

Sorry, link is here: kellymom.com/ages/newborn/newborn-concerns/c-section/

Offer plenty of cups of tea and water.
Order in take away, or cook yourself, or ask friends to drop round with lasagna or a casserole.
Be her 'gatekeeper'. If she wants visitors great, if not fend them off or limit visits to 10/15 minutes. Take her lead with this.
Be available to her, ask regularly if she wants needs anything.

I recovered very easily from my first section, and the second was a bit harder. But everyone is different.

And lastly, huge congratulations on a wonderful Christmas present! Enjoy newborn snuggles.

I've not been in this situation, but wanted to say how lovely and considerate of you to ask. Keep that mindset and you'll do a pretty good job

Congratulations!!

1. Drive SLOWLY
2. Buy ready-meals/lots of M & S sandwiches
3. Offer her snacks and drinks all the time, particularly ifbf
4. Help her get in and out of bath
5. Help get in and out of bed
6. Offer to drive her to mum and baby groups/bf cafes etc (this is so important if she's feeling at all down or isolated)
7. Make sure she has load of massive pants and comfy nighties

Make the bed when she comes out of hosptial, and think rapdily about one of these, I keep bleating on about it because I have two chdilren and this has kept me almost sane with the second, after my section...

www.mumsnet.com/reviews/nursery/cots-cribs-cotbeds/9963-arms-reach-universal-co-sleeper-bedside-cot

it meant I could feed baby without sitting up which will be very hard in a nomral bed, baby slept very well rifht next to me, you dont want to be messing round with moses after a section.

i got mine 70 quid out of paper, there are loads on ebay.

get her something for bowls! syrpup of figs, a few quid worked best for me, dry fruit didnt help,

help her remember to take er meds regularly when out.

a v pillow was also a god send as could feed ( weter breast or bottle tis will help) and it cushioned the scar and was perfect to lay the baby on, not messing round with piullows...great in bed too, to lean agaisnt and be sort of proped up whsilt sleeping,.

congratualtion.,

Just make sure she doesn't need to run around the house finding things etc. my hubby made sure I had drinks and snacks by the bed (choc for the night feeds), my medications and feeding/changing parafinalia next to the bed. Do all the picking up/putting back into crib.

Run her a bath. Make her cups of tea and hot water bottles. Keep her well fed and watered.

Hubby blow dried my hair once while I fed baby. Everything takes so much effort after a c section (well it did for me)

Congratulations!!

Everything everyone else said and try to ward off the constipation brought on by pain meds, especially co-codamol, with plenty of water, dried apricots etc
Lying flat was more comfortable for me, if I sat too long and then tried to stand/lie, uncurling was v painful.
You sound lovely, I'm sure your wife will feel better just having you around.

remind her to air the scar too, as much as she can every day, expose it to the air ( once bandage is off), so just lying flat on bed, exposing it to air to help it to heal

I was switcyed to voltarol i tink , if her meds are not working there are other combinations she can take and finally she should take it really really easy for at least two weeks even if she feels she can do more...mucg better to reallty let it heal than do to muc and suffer a set back

Help her in and out of bed and bath.
Help her with sitting/standing up if there is nothing for her to hold on to.
I needed to hold on to the bath and basin so I could sit down and get up from the loo.
Do not make her laugh, it bloody hurts!
Oh and congratulations!

Congratulations! Lots of great advice already. What helped me was my dh getting the baby and bringing her to me in bed for every night feed and then putting her back to bed again. He did this for the first week or so and then I could move a bit more.
The feeds were lasting ages at that point so he slept while I fed. But just bringing me the baby and taking her away again saved me getting up and down.

Thanks for the suggestions, what you are all saying makes sense. Wife and baby are hopefully coming home tomorrow. I'll drive carefully and make sure she is looked after well.

Congrats, what a great thread! Had an emcs 8 months ago an my DH was fab, even down to helping me changing pads- sorry if TMI but it was times like that that made me realise I had married one of the best men in the world! :)

Longer term I have needed to talk and process the events (pretty traumatic and poorly baby afterwards which thankfully you do not have to worry about) only last night I watched something about surgery on tv and freaked out a bit at the cannula! He calmed me down- I guess my point is be aware that what you both went through was a big deal emotionally as well as physically and you may both need to vent and talk about it as time goes on.

Also don't make her laugh - ouch!

Congrats again and enjoy your new family

All great advice above! You sound very supportive already :-)

congratulations!

Take her food in hospital

Expect her to be in for 3-5 days