PND or exhaustion?

[NorthEasterlyGale]

Morning folks.

Not sure this is the right place for this question, so if there's somewhere better, please point me to it and I'll request this be moved!

I've been mulling this over for a while now and would like some more opinions please. DS1 is now nearly 18 months old. He was born by ELCS (breech), had some problems establishing breastfeeding so was on formula briefly until we sorted it. He would only sleep on me or DH for a long time, cried a great deal and I think may have had reflux. DS2 is due in February and will also be ELCS.

With DS1 I was shellshocked with how relentless and hard things were. My DH is, fortunately, absolutely wonderful and I can't say enough good things about him and how fab a dad and husband he is. I had no experience of babies when I had DS1 (never even held one), neither my family nor DH's live nearby and I hated the first 8 - 10 months. I don't think I bonded with DS1 until he was nearly 10 months. I never thought I'd feel as I do now - which is that he's the funniest, most fascinating person on the face of the earth and I love him and the time I spend with him. Things had vastly improved by the time he was a year old. Clearly, or I wouldn't be expecting DS2

I spent a great deal of those first months in tears. I felt useless, unable to cope and totally overwhelmed. I believed DS and DH would be better off without me and DH was so good with DS - I walked out a couple of times, leaving DS with DH and intending never to come back (note - running away, not planning to kill myself) but always did within a couple of hours. I wished I would go to sleep and not wake up. I could write pages about how awful I found it, and still not be sure I can really get across how I really felt. And this is long enough, so I won't!

The thing is, I can't decide whether I had PND or was just exhausted. DH thinks it was just exhaustion and I tend to agree (even now, if I don't get a 5 hour block of sleep, I can be negative and don't function well, so sleep is a big factor for me). In a sense, I don't really care what caused it as it's behind me and I'm just thankful for that. BUT, with DS2 due shortly I would like to do what I can to make sure I'm a better mum to him (and kinder to my DH) in the first few months than I was with DS1. I do think everything I did and felt was driven by the need for some moments of peace / respite / space but have had issues with depression in the past. Things will be easier this time as DH will be at work less, I will get back in the gym within a few months of recovering from CS and most of all - I can look at DS1 and see how utterly fab it becomes.

So, wise folk of the internet, what say you? PND or exhaustion? I can't decide if it's something I need to speak to MW about or not.

Sorry for the length of this - I never seem to be able to write short posts

No harm in mentioning it - they'll keep more of an eye on you.

Good luck. You sound very self aware (and your DH fab!) - two very important factors to keeping well.

I would certainly mention it to your MW. There's no harm in it, and it will mean that they can keep a closer eye on you.

I agree - mention it to a medical professional.

It sounds like PND, but the exhaustion may have been a contributory factor, its difficult to tell when you are no longer in that zone. I am currently nursing a two week old and have a history of depression, amd the exhaustion is definitely affecting my moods in the same way that my depressive episodes did.

You should definitely tell your GP, who will be able to refer you for additional support should you require it. Also make sure your partner is aware of any concerns you have.

I never anticipated how difficult things would be, and how draining it is... But you can take steps to lessen the impact of the exhaustion. You are lucky to have a supportive partner, could you ask family members or friends if they could help out in the first few weeks? I have found that expressing and my other half doing two consecutive feeds is a godsend and is saving my sanity, as I can get a really good stretch of sleep. Make sure you set aside time for yourself, even if its just to sleep or paint your toenails. It will probably be harder with two little ones, but having the support of others will help.

Please tell your midwife, they will be able to provide support and advice x

I agree that it sounds like PND and you should look to get as much support as possible. It can't hurt to be extra vigilant this time round. All the best :)

Thanks for the advice folks. I mentioned it to my MW when I saw her this week and she does agree it sounds like it was PND. Has advised me to keep an eye on things and let her know if I'm feeling down and to speak to my GP at my 6 week check up after DS2 arrives if I'm struggling then.

Unfortunately, our families live some hours away so aren't around for day to day help, but my parents will be over for a few days while I'm in hospital to help out with DS1 and I've asked if they can come over a couple of times for a couple of days in the first couple of weeks that DH is back at work to help with lifting DS1 until I'm fully recovered from CS.

Have also told DH that I think it was PND last time so he's more aware to keep an eye on me this time.

Thanks for in the input - it really helped to get objective opinions on this as I'm usually useless at asking for help and needed a bit of a kick to take some pre-emptive action

I could have written your post. I tend to think that I'm a bit of a control freak so that paired with the complete exhaustion of a rather challenging baby was more than I was expecting.

I'm too scared to have more as it stands now though, so you're braver than I am. Congratulations!

I'm glad you went and spoke to your MW about it. Definitely reads like PND to me as well.

Be kind to yourself. It's not easy and every baby is different. Don't be afraid to take a moment to yourself or admit when you're not feeling well.

Best wishes for you all :)