Am I Being Unreasonable?

[Jalexis]

This is my first 'AIBU' question... I do have a tendency to overreact so please be honest with me!

I'm due in roughly 10 days, and DH and I have recently taken on rather a large house renovation project. He works full time in a stressful job, and spends his evenings at the new house trying desperately to get things ready in time for the baby's arrival. We do have a team of builders working there 7 days a week and progress is generally good (though we won't be in before due date).

It sounds silly, but I do feel like I haven't seen much of him during these later stages of pregnancy. I run around most days collecting and delivering things for the new house, not quite what I envisaged for maternity leave! I'm supporting him as much as I can, cooking for him every night when he eventually gets home from the house etc, all of which is taking it's toll on me when I'm already exhausted.

So, last night, DH goes to the pub after finishing at the house, and has a few pints too many. We've spoken about him laying off the booze two weeks ahead of due date, but last night he was pretty pissed and would have been in no state had we needed to get to the hospital. He doesn't handle his booze at all well, and seems incapable of just having a pint or two.

I know he needs to let off some steam, he's flat out, but AIBU to expect him to stay sober this close to due date?

Sorry, as usual with these threads, that was longer than it was meant to be!

X

Hi Jalexis, I definitely don't think you're being unreasonable. It sounds like you have a lot on your plate (assuming choices you made together so fair enough) but drinking passed the point of being able to drive / support if you needed at this stage in your pregnancy in unacceptable if you ask me.

My DH gets a bit 'carried away' when he's with his mates so for the last 2 weeks we've stayed in together (agreed together, I'm 39 wks) and he just has a beer / glass of wine).

I guess from his pov he needs to unwind but if you've made a commitment to do a renovation so close to baby then that's tough. Can the house go on hold until baby arrives for now? So you can rest & so you can both unwind together in the evenings? Re cooking I'd be getting takeaway :)

You aren't being unreasonable at all.

Just remember, this pregnancy isn't just you, it's the two of you as a couple going through this, or at least it should be. My DH didn't drink for the duration of our pregnancy because he said it wouldn't be fair that he could do things I couldn't.

This is the most magical time for any couple and it's important that you spend at least some of it together!!

I'm new here by the way, look forward to chatting with you all over the next while!!

I don't think you are being unreasonable, Jalexis - if you were to go into labour a bit early (and my three were 10 days early, 1 week early and 10 days early respectively, so not outside the realms of possibility) you would need your dh to be there and capable of supporting you.

Perhaps you could look at the other night as being a one-off - you didn't go into labour and need him, so it wasn't a huge problem on that score, that he went and got plastered - as long as he recognises that he can't do that again before the baby arrives.

He also needs to understand that you want to spend time with him at the moment, and whilst you appreciate how hard he is working, you would like him to see how hard you are working too, and to prioritise time with you above time with his mates - and then the two of you can make it time when you both de-stress and relax, because that would be very good for both of you.

My youngest is 16, and the older two are off at university, so I am very jealous of you, looking forward to a cuddly, squidgy newborn - and I will be sending you my very best wishes over the next few weeks, that it is a wonderful time for all of you!

Thanks everyone for replying, I didn't think it was an unreasonable request either... I'm definitely happy to let this go as a one-of, and luckily I didn't need him last night... But I think future drinking sessions ought to be replaced with a little 'us' time when he's not working on the house.

Sadly we are only renting at the moment and tenancy is up next week. We'll be staying at my dads until the house is finished, hopefully only another two or three weeks!

Thanks all for your lovely and supportive comments!