When to call in the childcare (in-laws!)?

[DIYandEatCake]

Am 34 weeks with dc2. Dc1 was born by elcs (breech) so I have no experience of labour. If all goes well and I get to try a vbac this time, the pil have said they'll come to the house and look after dd, which is kind of them, but mil has asked to be informed as soon as I go into labour so she can be here in good time (they live an hour or so away and she is someone who always needs to be early). Now I'm not intending to do this as the thought of possibly many hours of being in labour with the pil watching me and fussing about fills me with horror (we get on well but I like my space and know I'll want to be private) but obviously I don't want to leave it too late. Experienced people, when should we call them so they get here not too early but not too late?

you have not had a bash at labour yet so have no idea how it will go.
i'd go with your m-i-l suggestion just in case as otherwise you may well end up in hospital on your own or with your dh and ds outside waiting for inlaws to arrive to collect him from outside labour ward.

i was twinge to baby in less than an hour both times.

You won't like what I say at all...we had my DMum come and stay with us around my due date for this reason. Which was fine because she's my Mum, not my MIL (would have hated that!) but we definitely had some tense moments. Luckily my Dad didn't insist on staying as well. But my first labour was pretty fast so we didn't want to risk them not getting to us.

Having Mum there definitely had an impact on my labour (sorry!). I had twinges all day but it wasn't until after she went to bed that I felt my body "allow" itself to relax and start to labour properly, I had my first full contraction maybe 15 minutes later. When she woke up a couple of hours later as we were heading into hospital, I definitely found it harder to relax.

Ooh, that's a tricky one. I would have hated to have anyone in my home apart for DH (and even that was touch and go at times) when i was in early labour. BUT, now we have DD, I would want to make sure that she is taken care of before we got too far along. Is there any chance that they could take DC1 to their house instead of caring for them at your house? I know it would be a long round trip for them, but might work better all round, especially if you are in labour for a long time (which i hope you're not!!!)

You need to talk to them. Could they wait somewhere else? Unless its the middle of the night? Eg restaurant, library, local B&B?

2nd babies have a reputation for coming quickly. I'd contact her as soon as I believed I was in labour if I were you speaking as someone who had baby number2 on the ward as there wasn't time to get to the delivery suite

I think you'll have to play it by ear (sorry that's not more helpful!)

Ds1, I managed around 6 hours at home, but knew an hour before we went to hospital that it was getting tricky. I would've had time to call.

Ds2, my waters went but again I had plenty of time to make phone calls and call in backup! My sister was an hour away, DH was 2 hours away.

It also depends on time of day/night. You're hardly going to phone at 3am just to say you're having a few twinges, I guess.

Two and a half hours from first twinge to birth with number 2 - would definitely call as soon as you go into labour!

Is there anyone else you can have on stand by?

My ILs are having DD too. They are 4 hours away and there is no way I can give 4 hours notice and no way I can have them here whilst I labour. I also couldn't say when the moment I went into labour was last time! I was having mild contractions but didn't know if they would stop. I was pretty far gone by the time I believed it was really happening.

This time I've arranged for a friend who lives a few streets away to come when I want to go to hospital and she will liaise with ILs who can come and take over. My friend is the sort you can text and say 'something is happening so please don't go too far from home' and she won't badger you.

Having said that I had DD soon after arriving at hospital so I'm hopeful baby will already be here by the time ILs arrive!

My first was an emcs and my second a VBAC. I thought I'd labour quickly because it was my 2nd but it was 11hrs from start to finish and I had plenty time to put childcare in place.

I agree that you should try to find a friend who'd be happy to come around for an hour or 2 while the pils are en route. That way, you have a contingency if things progress quickly.

Good luck.

My family lives in another country. This is my second, my first labour was very long so I was not afraid to not make it in the hospital but was worried about my DD and who will take care of her, I had no back up. My MIL came for a week from 37.5-38.5 weeks, than my mother came and stayed for about two weeks after the baby was born at 40+2.
When my MIL was in it was very stressful, anything out ordinary and she thought baby is coming, she had 2 sections so had no ideas how it goes. When my mother came it was stressful at times but after a week got in swing of things. When I went to labour I was very composed she could of not guessed that I was going to have a baby that night and than went to hospital (we told her that we are going to hospital just to check things out) where they told us I was 4 cm we did not go back because did not want to labour there. Having people around did put some stops in, I think, especially when they are bothering you with ooh what was this and that... is baby coming, really annoying but I rather have a relative with my DD than some stranger over night.
I would call when you start getting a feeling of things are really happening, it can be very fast with second. I had 1.5 of active labour recorded before DS showed up. When I went to the hospital and told them that my house was "occupied" they were very happy to keep me in before they even knew I was 4cm because it was second pregnancy and they said with second things just tip over at some point and suddenly the baby is coming when moments before it felt normal! I did have a tip over and it was crazy if I did not go to the hospital when I did we could of had a baby on the parking lot or on the side of the road. Take you MIL on the offer and just go to the hospital even if you feel that is too early.

Thanks for all the ideas, I'm going to have to have a good think about this I can see! I think it will depend on the time of day as well, as someone said.... Would love to use a friend til in-laws get here but the only one dd would be happy left alone with has a newborn and toddler herself so I can't really ask, and dd has never stayed overnight at the grandparents without us so not sure how that would go. I think I'm going to have to talk to mil in advance and be upfront about my need for privacy. I had a miscarriage last year and had to be quite blunt to get her to stop asking all sorts of nosy questions/giving 'useful' advice... She is lovely honest and I'm grateful for the help, but, you know....!