Unsure what to do

[tsw]

I'm still early on & been told by my consultant it is too early to talk about anything yet (I'm 19w) but it is on my mind.

I'm pregnant with my second & lost my first at 38 weeks in March. I was induced & I must say the experience was a good one. I went in on a Weds morning & gave birth at 8.30pm the next day with contractions only beginning at 11am. I had pethidone & an epidural - I was ill after with a fever but the experience was fine (fortunately) aside from not having a baby to take home.

This time I'm unsure what I want. Half of me wants a baby out as quickly as possible that there is a risk of losing a heartbeat during labour if it takes hours so a c-section appeals BUT that would be later in my pregnancy that they would be prepared to book that (I REFUSE to go past 37 weeks). On the other hand I had a nice VB/induction which they could plan for 36/37 weeks but the thought of monitoring through it seems distressing. Also had the comment made that I may labour too quick for pain relief which is niggling at me too.

Anyone any thoughts/been through this anxiety themselves?

I've been told to wait as I am having serial scans & can't tell yet if things might be touch & go. Doc suggested inducing at 37+5 & I almost cried. My son died at 37+6. Cannot get to that point again.

tsw have no experience but just didn't want you to go unanswered and to give you a very unMN hug

Are you getting any support? Is there a specialised MW or have you been in touch with Count the Kicks?

I have had a similar experience. My third baby died just before she was born (prolapsed cord). She was born at 37 weeks and 1 day. My next pregnancy was incredibly stressful . I wanted my next baby to be born before 37 weeks, but my consultant told me that to give him the best chance we should wait as long as possible before any sort of intervention. 37 +1 was not a good day for me, but my son wasn't born until 38+5 when my blood pressure meant I had to be induced.
You need to be very frank with everyone who is taking care of you about how frightened you are. And get every bit if information you can, so you can make the best plans for you and your baby. BTW, my last labour was under 2 hours, and I can say with some authority that there is very rarely no time for pain relief! I spent a good half of that time sucking on gas and air and I was feeling no pain at all!
Personally I was more scared of a c-section than a vaginal delivery but everyone's situation is different. I found that my consultant was very clear about what he was looking for in the 10000000 tests he did, and what would make him take immediate action. That was reassuring, but I'd have asked if hadn't volunteered the information because I'm pushy like that! I did have a controlled ARM, which is a totally charm-free procedure, but other than that the birth was totally normal.
One thing which helped me though the pregnancy was some advice I was given; you have to carry on as if you know for sure that everything will be fine, because the alternative is to spend every waking moment in fear. Mark the ways in which this pregnancy is different to the last one, and remind yourself that today everything is fine. I'm not telling you not to buy a doppler, or obsessively count kicks, but do try to rlax a bit and take a few minutes each day to take deep breaths and enjoy the feeling if having this new baby growing inside you. 4 months after my daughter died I had a fairly early miscarriage, and it was a little easier because I'd taken the time to enjoy the pregnancy while it lasted, so there were some happy memories to hold onto.
I'm sorry this has turned out very rambly and probably doesn't make a great deal of sense. But you aren't alone and I wanted you to know that.

Yikes, that last bit came out all wrong. The likelihood is that this baby will be fine, but anticipating trouble won't make you feel any better if anything goes wrong. You will find the strength to get through the final stages of pregnancy, and I know that you will make the right decisions when the time comes.

I'm so very sorry for the loss of your first baby. Very different circumstances but lost one of my twin girls to complications from prematurity when she was three days old.

Had an induction at 38 weeks with my subsequent baby as I just wanted him out and didn't trust my body to keep him safe. Like Queenie I had an ARM (charmless is precisely the word I have been looking for to describe the experience!) and he was born after four hours of labour. In my case, the prediction that it would be too fast for pain relief (apart from lovely gas and air) was correct and I had constant monitoring.

I'm now pregnant again and am trying to wait it out for a spontaneous labour this time (39 weeks) but I do feel increasingly anxious. My heart goes out to you as, obviously, the loss of my daughter occurred at a far earlier stage and I still find being pregnant hugely stressful.

I had a couple of little mantras, a bit like Queenie.
'Every pregnancy is different' and 'it usually does work out just fine' not very easy to believe when you've been on the sharp end of the statistics though I know.

Wishing you the very best