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Childbirth

Share experiences and get support around labour, birth and recovery.

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Original poster

Children on labour ward

16 replies

MummyLuce · 23/10/2013 20:15

My DD will be 21 months when I give birth and I have literally no one to look after her apart from DP, who obviously I want with me during the birth. Was thinking of a scenario like DP and DD both hang out in the hospital and surrounding area (lots of parks etc near by). DP could take along lots for her to do and then be both with me and look after DD. I'm having DC2 at Whittington in n london by the way. I know it sounds crazy and clearly not ideal but can't think of another solution! Would have homebirth, but am having vbac and so scared to. Any thoughts?

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jkklpu · 23/10/2013 22:54

This is quite a common question and usually the advice is to think of someone you know a bit, would trust and give that person time to get to know your DD with you there. It's a pretty amazing request to make of anyone and it's very unlikely anyone would say "no" because it is such an honour. So really do sit down and work out whom you might be able to ask - neighbour, colleague, playgroup person. If there really isn't anyone, you might need to consider giving birth with someone else or doing it on your own so DP can be with her.

When I had ds3, we dropped elder 2 at my boss's house at 3.30am en route to hospital and she and her husband were chuffed to bits .

eexcitement · 24/10/2013 11:21

jkk is right,
I cant see what ur suggesting working out at all.
You cant leave an unsupervised 21mt old in hospital, meaning DP wont be with you. You could be in labour for quite a while and need this support. Either find an alternative birth partner or find an acceptable carer for her.
You'll probably be surprised how helpful people are willing to be. You're asking for a once off. I have no kids (yet- first pregnancy) and would not be on for a regular babysitting help for anyone, but would have no problem AT ALL if someone asked me for something like this.
Also, if you prepare the person then like jk says they can get to know your daughter and you could leave emergency items with them (cloths, book, toys etc) so you don't have to be worrying about these things on the way to the hospital.

Ps on the homebirth - you would still need a plan in place in case you needed to go to hospital during labour

Thurlow · 24/10/2013 21:01

I think in an ideal world it would be ok, but in reality there are too many 'what if's' that would make it a problem. I bet if you asked around other mum's you know they would all be happy to have your DD, or look in to emergency childminders or nannies. It might not be ideal for your DD to be with someone she doesn't know that well but sadly I think you have to plan for a difficult scenario, even if you decide to try for a homebirth. If unfortunately you ended up with an emcs then your DP would need to be your DD, not with you.

rubyslippers · 24/10/2013 21:06

i don't think it would work

if someone i knew asked me to help out in a situation like this i would deffo do it even if they were an acquaintance.

i think you would have to do that - what if there was an emergency?? your DP wouldn't know what to do WRT to your other child

BrianTheMole · 24/10/2013 21:12

Its good to have a back up. Are you in an nct group? One of my friends had the group as back up when she was having her baby, just in case. She had no local family or friends as she was new to the area. None of us knew each other all that well at the time, but we all readily agreed to help if necessary. Ask around, people are usually more than willing to help under these circumstances.

Hassled · 24/10/2013 21:17

What everyone else has said - your plan just isn't workable. And you will be in a lot of pain - even absorbed whatever stuff your DP has brought along for her, she's not going to be oblivious. And it could take hours.

So - you have to bite the bullet and ask someone. It's not a taking the piss sort of request - it's a completely fair enough request. Don't be shy about it. There'll be someone.

mayhew · 24/10/2013 22:27

As above. Labour wards only allow closely supervised children in for short visits to their mum, usually after the birth. They are a hazardous medical environment for small people, with people rushing about, trolleys, sharp corners and lots of equipment.

malovitt · 24/10/2013 22:37

Hello op,
I'm a registered childminder living near to the Whittington and could possibly help you out if necessary?

Shellywelly1973 · 27/10/2013 21:28

I don't have anyone to look after my dc whilst I give birth so dp will have to. Unless the new baby comes in school hours or night I will be on my own.

Its much more realistic then having a toddler on labour ward!

Frecklesandspecs · 28/10/2013 19:26

This is what we had to do when dd2 was born. my dd1 had just turned 2. I have to be honest and say I would never do it again. she has been traumatised by hospitals ever since. I can't even take her to a midwife appointment as she won't see anything being done. I took her to my scan and she cried the place down. it has made her extremely sensitive. dd2 is not like this at all. she couldn't care less if I was getting bloods done ect. I put it all down to the birth of dd2 and she wasn't there at delivery....they were walking around but I'm guessing she heard me in labour.

Frecklesandspecs · 28/10/2013 19:29

I agree with shelly. if I have to.go it aline this time for any reason I would much rather that than put my toddlers through that again.

LittleRobots · 28/10/2013 19:31

We had a Doula arranged so that I knew if my husband had to look after my daughter at least I'd have someone with me. I also had a few people I could call on but it wasn't water tight. In the end I was in hospital a long time and after the birth my husband brought my daughter in to see us but couldn't stay long.

ihearsounds · 28/10/2013 19:40

And exactly where will she be during the birth? You cannot leave her unattended.
Labour can last for days, even second and subsequent ones. Yes, people say oh the second is always quicker, but believe me it isn't always the case. Where do you expect her to sleep if it's a long labour.
What if the weather is really shit, she won't want to be outside for hours on end.

There must be someone that can look after her. Friends. Work collegues. People from stay and play. Surestart.

Mosman · 06/11/2013 13:42

I got myself into a right state thinking I had nobody in the world to look after one and two whilst I had three. Ended up paying a night nanny £600.
The next week at the nct playgroup I kid you not 15 people must have said we would have had them for you, help is around you just need to ask for it.

Peppa33 · 06/11/2013 19:26

We enlisted a neighbour, and a nursery worker, and at least three other people offered to be back up - people we dont know all that well. It is really complex as you dont know when, how quickly and for how long you will need help but everyone was ace.

I couldnt relax until i knew dc1 was being looked after - do think of this too as the last thing you need is extra stress. And do think about preparing your dc1, we read a book every night for weeks about the new baby that involved mummy going away, and we elaborated the story to include what dc1 might do ,so she wasnt shocked to suddenly find herself sleeping in a strange place!

Also, dc2 was born at night so dh missed an entire night of sleep. Neighbour kept dc1 till midday so he could sleep - you might want to bear that in mind too as a scenario...,

Best of luck x

babynelly2010 · 06/11/2013 23:40

I agree with many comments here but also have some insides from Whittington hospital as I gave birth to my dd there in February of 2011. She is my first and was born in the birthing centere. After dd was born at 9 on sayurday night another women started actively labouring right next door. We can hear everything and it was very very loud. Meanwhile her dh was with her toddler dd right by her door in the waiting/ family area and we could hear them very well too. the walls are paper thin in whittington and not a good enviroment for a toddler. You are having a VBAC so there is also a higher chance for emergency that could really frighten LO. If you go in at night going to park is not an option plus they hospital gets pretty much shut down at night so you could not walk around.
Does you LO goes to nursery? Someone suggested to when I was in similar situation to ask at nursery if any careers also do baby sitting on side. Your LO would already know the person and it could be very easy because they can just take her home after work or bring her in. We ended up shipping grandmother from overseas ahead of time. DD slept when we left and in the morning DH was home before she even got up.
Also with my second the labour went very fast and I had far less control, I would of never wish for DD hear even part of it from far away.

Good luck!

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