Please tell me about freebirthing

[Beesandbutterflies]

Okay, so after my first birth I now am unfortunately dealing with PTSD and a massive phobia of midwives. So considering freebirth.

Could anyone be brave enough to share their experiences with me? And legalities, how did it work afterwards?

I have no interest in being controversial so please no one get upset with me

[MrsPatrickDempsey]

PS

Just to echo what another poster said - spell out your concerns/fears/needs/wishes whatever they may be. Lots of confusion and difficulty arises from misunderstanding and poor judgement. There are many mws with so much experience and compassion who will think no further than you. You can be supported to achieve the birth you want. Knowing your mw beforehand is crucial and achievable and will make a huge difference. Please don't put you and your baby at risk.

[Beesandbutterflies]

Hi mrs, yes I had a meeting with a som last time and all my concerns and extensive birth plan etc we're discussed and agreed and actions put in place, this however was totally ineffective and the me on the day ignored my birth plan (with no exception reason other than 'that's what she always does') and concerns, so I'm struggling to see how that would be helpful again.

[MrsPatrickDempsey]

Bees - sorry to hear that - vv poor :-( I do wonder if your previous experience will carry more weight in getting what you want (Wrong I know but may be the case).

[RedToothBrush]

Bees, find somewhere that has some sort of special interest in fear of birth if you can. Then do some research on the staff that work there and what their reputation is. The consultant I've seen has a v good reputation; I've seen a lot of v good comments from women who have had issues with birth trauma or fear or wanted an alternative birth plan for some reason - including on here. If you can't trust the medics, trust women who may have shared similar experiences to you. Find somewhere that is delivering on the promises. I really don't believe that everywhere is the same.

[SaggyIsHavingAPinkKitten]

If you cant afford an indwpendent midwife then I second a doula. You need someone who will be your absolute advocate and speak for you without wavering.

[Strumpetron]

I'd fully recommend and Independent Midwife, they're amazing. You'll get the support you need with minimum intervention, and if anything happens (god forbid) they are there to help if you need/want it.

[CoconutRing]

Bees - I had an horrific experience with my first DS in hospital. The birth was so brutal, I decided that if I were to have any more children, I would rather give birth in my back yard rather than allow the sadistic and cruel MWs and doctors anywhere near me again.

I am a nurse and the people who tortured me were my colleagues.

I had my other 3 children at home. On my own, with just my DH and DM with me. It was an overwhelming powerful experience. I had no problems with SS or any other authority, as I lied to them about the births.

BUT, I am a fully qualified nurse and I took full responsibility for my babies and my body.

I would recommend an Independent Midwife. Good luck.

[Beesandbutterflies]

Thank you for these replies, thank you coconut, I think I have some options now, I definitely wouldn't rule out a fb though.

[3luckystars]

But its not just the birth, there is all the pre natal care too. Are you going to avoid all of that too because you hate all midwives?
Don't let this awful terrible thing that happened you, deprive your child of a sibling. Every birth is different, not all of them are the same. Look for a consultant, or a midwife that you trust (you must know in your heart that they are not all the same) and lean on them. Get help for this and you can go on to have a very good experience next time.
If this phobia is interfering with your life this much then you have to get help for it. I'm so sorry you had such a bad experience, I really wish you all the best and hope everything works out for you.

[happynappies]

I read this article recently:

www.theguardian.com/lifeandstyle/2013/sep/14/freebirthing-birth-without-medical-support-safe

No experience myself of freebirthing, but did have a traumatic first birth, considered a doula, then doubted that the doula would really be 'in-tune' with me, then had a much more positive second birth with a very supportive midwife in hospital. Had another two births, which weren't quite as positive, but the thing I learnt was that you can have the type of birth you want in terms of the type of support you need, if you have a very carefully written birth plan. I don't mean that you can predict the future, and avoid intervention etc if an emergency arises, but you can spell everything out - what worries you, what your previous experience was, what support you need, and you can always ask for a different midwife if the one who is supporting you is not helping (assuming that there are sufficient staff to accommodate the change). I know this is not what you asked... I wish I'd been able to experience a home-birth, but my high-risk pregnancies after pph etc, meant that it was out of the question (or I was not willing to go against advice anyway)... Good luck with your research, I hope you find the right answers.

[bumpybumps]

I think a couple of people have said freebirthing is illegal, it's not illegal, it's legal to freebirth, the only part that is illegal is if someone who is unqualified assumes the role of a midwife. Whether this is your husband/partner/mother etc, only a midwife can provide midwife duties. So if you chose to freebirth then you have to take all responsibility for youself and your baby. Obviously different rules apply in an emergency situation where freebirthing wasn't intentional.

I'm so sorry for your experience and the way you were treated, it disgusts me that there are nhs midwives out there who think they know best and aren't prepared to listen to what a women wants for herself. But saying that there are other choices, and there are good caring midwives, (independant or nhs) and I'm sure if you found the right midwife who knew your experience they would want to make your birth right for you according to what you want and how you feel it should be. Good luck.

[StarlightMcKenzie]

'Okay, so after my first birth I now am unfortunately dealing with PTSD and a massive phobia of midwives. So considering freebirth.'

This was me. When that is your baseline anything else is a bonus.

What happened instead, eventually, was a very strict birthplan that basically said no midwife is allowed to touch me ever for any reason.

You can say that when any disagreement will result in a free birth.

[StarlightMcKenzie]

Dangling 'I don't know if free birthing is illegal or not but it could be very dangerous, for you and your baby.'

Whilst this is certainly true, those of us that had a traumatic time at the hands of hcps feel we are choosing the risks rather than increasing them. I am still convinced that a freebirth would have produced a better outcome for my first baby and me than the fully-attended one we had.

[StarlightMcKenzie]

Though I want to make it clear I do not think freebirthing is a good idea, just that it really does appear to be the only available option occasionally.

Even if you get a fantastic birthplan agreed if you don't have the trust that the hcps will adhere to it then it is pointless.

I do have to say however, that if your birth plan is 'strange' you get better quality care, you get to deal with very senior midwifes and at the time of your labour you are assigned the very best/senior midwife in the building/on homebirth watch as no department wants to give the 'risky' patient to someone less competent or experienced.

[Bunnylion]

Another options is a home birth with an nhs midwife but do not allow her in the room until the baby has arrived.

That way you will freebirth but have the midwife there incase of emergency. Your birthing partner will have to help enforce this but it will eliminate the chance of her doing anything to you without consent.

I'd recommend a doula to help protect your space on the day and to also help you come to terms with your previous birth.

I'm sure you have weighed up the risks yourself and don't need people telling you that freebirthing risky. My recent birth had a number of serious complications that were entirely down to the actions of an incompetent midwife. In my situation free birthing would have had a better outcome for me and my baby.

[Beesandbutterflies]

Hi, thank you for your replies and understanding.
I think my best option is the 'freebirth' at home with midwife is a different part of the house. I'd probably put a lock on the door and have my dh and doula as bodyguards. My dh is devastated about what happened last time, esp as he'd told the mw no. :-( anyway he'll be on full alert this time.
My bp says no one is to touch me. If I can not get my extensive bp and a suitable mw agreed or I don't trust them then I'll try to find an independent.
Only if that fails then ill freebirth.

[Beesandbutterflies]

with a new som obviously!

I think the problem was they 'humoured' my plan knowing that they could push me into anything at the time

[ColderThanAWitchsTitty]

Free birthing

Free or unassisted birth (often referred to as ‘free birthing’) means a woman giving birth without medical or professional help. (‘Free birthing’ should not be confused with ‘natural childbirth’ or with a birth attended by a self-employed, often known as an independent midwife).

‘Free birthing’ is legal as long as the birth is not attended or the responsibility for care is not assumed or undertaken by an ‘unqualified individual’. An ‘unqualified individual’ is a person who is not a registered doctor or midwife but acts in that capacity during birth. The woman assumes full responsibility for her child’s birth, but she may and can have her partner, a relative or a friend present in a supportive role If a woman chooses not to contact or engage a midwife it is her right to do so.

[ColderThanAWitchsTitty]

If you do decide to go the free birth option or if you can't get a home brth midwive to you maybe just have someone call EMS as soon as you start pushing. They won't be able to move you but will be there to help if you need it.

[TobyLerone]

OP, I really can't stress enough how important it is that you try to deal with this through counselling/therapy before you get pregnant again.

It's all well and good planning a homebirth with lots of stipulations, but if (heaven forbid) something goes wrong and you have to transfer to hospital, you won't be prepared for that.
Sometimes complications are picked up before birth and there is a very real danger to you and/or your baby, so you are strongly advised (I don't believe they can force you) to have your baby in hospital. Sometimes a CS is the only way the baby can be born (placenta praevia, fibroids blocking the cervix, transverse lie).

Obviously everyone hopes these things won't happen, but there is a very real risk that they could. How would you deal with that?

[StarlightMcKenzie]

Bees, you don't need to get your BP approved unless you are asking them specifically to DO something (like welcome your whole yoga class to watch in a hospital or have a birth pool filled upon your arrival).

At home you can do whatever you want regardless of approval, so a sensible midwife will approve but point out her concerns for you to think about.

I had a MLU after a traumatic first and though the midwife was agreeable to my suggestions she also said 'for as long as I feel comfortable with it'. There was no such statement at my homebirth. Her comfort was neither here nor there.

[eurochick]

I'm sorry you've had this experience. Please get some therapy before you try to get pregnant again.

From experience I know that it can help enormously. I have medical anxiety relating to GA- being rendered unconscious while people do things to me hugely freaks me out. It doesn't help that I react badly to the drugs and have a horrible time when I come round. I was facing repeated instances of this for fertility treatment (they knock you out to collect the eggs). After the second very traumatic time I had private hypnotherapy. She works with a lot of athletes on facing fears of a different kind. I was pretty sceptical but it was very effective. I was able to go into the third round of treatment feeling like I could deal with it, without chest-clenching anxiety in the lead up to it. I'd never had any mind of therapy before so I was surprised how effective I found it.

I think doing this alongside your home birth plan will help you to manage the feelings of distress you have based on your last experience.

[TooTryHard]

I am (hopefully) having a home birth and have met my midwife several times now. They are a team of only four or five and I think if I were to have concerns I would have met them all in the comfort of my home.

The midwife has pretty much said she expects to turn up, not do much, do the paperwork and go home again.

Would it be worth you (or your DH if you can't do it) phoning your local home birth team to talk this through with them?

[FTRscreamingInTerror]

I had PTSD after having my DS and my advice would be have treatment for that before you try for number 2.
Even free birthing I can't imagine it would be a calming experience while you are still suffering the trauma of your previous birth.
I took me 3 years to even discuss having another baby with DH and then another 18 months before we started trying, unfortunately DH works away so that has disrupted things somewhat.
Get yourself well first and then think about another one

[ColderThanAWitchsTitty]

does anyone know if the midwives who meet you at home also work in the hospital? Because my homebirth midwife (for my UK birth) followed me to hospital when it became apparent a Hb wasn't happening... And she was amazing. Just genuinely SO good. And when other people got involved she basically just ignored them if they tried to push me to do anything I didn't want to do. Not sure how it worked with the normal "hospital midwives" or if there is a difference? She actually came to visit me at home and tell me how sorry she was that my birth plan went out the window (NOT HER FAULT I MIGHT ADD!) Dc1 was a traumatic birth but I wasn't traumatized iyswim.

Dc2 was a straight forward birth (in hospital in the states with docs and nurses) where nothing I said was listened to at all and my bodily integrity was completely ignored. And I was left crying about it for a year.

How HCP treat you is just so important and the ironic thing was is I was having a home birth because I was petrified about going to hospital after having a really horrible experience with a nurse (not birth related).