40 + 9 with dc3, is it normal to suddenly feel like you're never going to see your baby?

[McNameChanged]

I don't remember feeling like this before, but then I was with XH back then and life was horrible, so things are very different.

Dh is wonderful. The complete opposite of my ex, he's caring and attentive, always puts me and the dcs first.

But I've got this horrible feeling that it's all about to come crashing down on me.

I can't picture holding our new baby. We've just put her crib where she'll be sleeping, and I can't picture her in it.

I don't think I'm ever going to hold her, she's not going to make it, something will go wrong and I'll let her down

I just can't seem to shake this feeling. She has to be born in this coming week, one way or another, and I just want to sob because then I'll know for sure that I can't have her.

Dh says it's just because I won't let myself believe that something isn't going to ruin my happiness. He's very worried about me today.

Is it normal to feel this way? I want to be excited, not doom-filled. I want to hold her so much.

Anyone?

I feel very lost.

I guess the answer I'm looking for, is no, I'm not normal.

Ah OP, not sure I can help, but didn't want to leave your post unanswered. In my (very limited) experience it's very normal to be anxious and convinced things will go wrong. I had many moments like this during pregnancy and now she's a month old I keep picturing awful thing happening to her! I've accepted it's part and parcel of parenthood to worry and try not to let these moments bother me. That said, if you are feeling very tearful and struggling to gain perspective it may be worth speaking to GP or midwife. I don't have much experience in this area, but I'm sure someone with better advice will be along soon.

I'm sure that in a few days you will be holding your gorgeous new baby in your arms! Good luck!

Thank you Louise, I don't feel like I have any perspective. I feel very frightened. And stupid. I feel stupid too.

You're not being stupid. You can't help feeling like this, but you can know it's not your fault. Do you have a sympathetic midwife you can chat to? I'm really glad your DH is supportive and I hope things get moving for you quickly so you can meet your LO. I went 10 days over - do you have a sweep coming up? Any signs that things might be moving?

I've always gone to nearly 2 weeks over, so no great surprise there. Lots of braxton hicks, but nothing more.

I just feel completely empty. And it's stupid and pointless. There's no reason to think anything will go wrong, but I hate that with so little time before birth I can't imagine meeting her.

I don't want to talk to mw because I'm (probably wrongly) worried she'll try to talk me out of my home birth. I want people to think I can cope. But I don't know if I am.

I'm 41 weeks and I can totally relate to how you are feeling. I really don't think we are the only ones that feel this way either.

Keep positive, you can cope, it is what we are built to do :) x

Relax.I know it's easy to say, but try. You may be feeling like this because your previous relationship wasn't as good. Believe that this one is and enjoy what you have. You may be a bit depressed, so do speak to a professional. Either keep telling yourself that it is much more likely that everything will be fine than it it is that anything could go wrong. Or put all thoughts like that out of your head and distract yourself with other things. Walk, read, watch a film etc. Whichever works best for you. Hope you feel better soon, thinking of you

Ichar, that is such a relief to hear (not that I want other people to feel the same!). I've stayed positive to date, but today's just gotten on top of me. Bad dreams last night didnt help.

Angry, I'll do my best. Can't walk (on crutches for SPD), but will try to fill my brain with other things.

I know so much of it is not believing things can go right for a change. I usually expect the worst and hope for the best. But the worst in this case is so horrible that thinking about it doesn't help (obviously).

I'm also on crutches for SPD - these kiddies are a nightmare sometimes aren't they!?

Take each day as it comes, remember no matter what happens that you are the best person around to look after your baby, don't feel like you're going to let her down, have faith in yourself

I'm also carrying a girl, my OH thinks that my moodiness/sad days are down to having a double dose of female hormones going around my system! :)

Sorry, I think my messages seem a little bit as if I'm making it about myself.. I'm new to this posting stuff! (First day)!

Icharlt I like that idea :) I'll blame the hormones.

I guess last time the drama was all in "what will XH do next?" (He only moved back in with us two weeks before dd was born, as his friend threw him out of the room he was renting for not respecting his home) so I never really had a chance to focus on me and the baby.

This time everything's settled and secure, so I think I'm going into overdrive waiting for the calamity.

Perhaps that is it, if you have had nothing but time to focus on all the negative aspects of pregnancy or the 'what ifs' then your mind is bound to wander. If things have previously gone a bit pear shaped for you then the negative thinking is probably some sort of coping mechanism?? I dunno, but you're definitely not alone, I hope that provides some sort of comfort :)

Oh god, dreams can be the worst, can't they? Last night I dreamt that I drove off without strapping the car seat in, went out and forgot to take the baby with me, etc, etc! Woke up hyperventilating!

Icharl, it does. Thank you. I've just had a good chat with dh too. He's so lovely. I am very lucky and I hate that it's just horrible thoughts that are ruining it all.

Louise, they really are! As if rl weren't en

Posted too soon!
As if rl weren't enough to deal with!