Post-birth trauma - advice for coping please?

[RachelGough]

My DD is 5 months old and I had a bit of a difficult time with the birth. I was two weeks overdue and had to have an induction. They took me in for the induction late in the evening and, because I wasn't in labour at this point, I was taken to a ward and not to delivery suite. This mean that, once they had given me the drugs, they sent my partner away immediately. My partner is autistic and can get extremely anxious. He was so scred of leaving and I ws scared to be left. The midwives basically had to drg him out of the ward andI hd to pretend I was ok with him leaving to calm him down even though inside I was screaming and really didn't want him to go. I started getting contractions almost immediately after he left and I was in a lot of pain, on a ward full of strangers who wer all sleeping, in the dark on my own. I am only 23 and it is my first baby so it was a nerve wracking experiene anyway. It had never occured to me I might have to be on my own and I felt like I couldn't even make a noise because of all the other women sleeping.

My contraction were coming thick and fast and th midwives made me feel like they din't believe me that labour could be progressing so quickly and I was just a young mother fussing over nothing. In the end they put me on the monitor and found out I was having 'hyper-contractions'. The drugs had worked too well and my contractions were coming too fast. However, they weren't actually doing anything useful because my waters hadn't broken. They told me I was dilated enough that they COULD break my waters (I was 4cm) but they wouldn't do it because it was night-time and they only perform interventions in the day when they have a full support staff on duty.

The midwife told me the contractions wouldn't do anything until my waters broke, but they wouldn't breakmy waters until the morning. They also wouldn't let me move to delivery ward where my partner could join me again until the morning either. I was in a lot of pain but, to make things even worse, there is no gas and air avaialable on the general ward and the only pain relief they would offer me was pethidine which i was REALLY ken to avoid at all costs. The pain got the better of me and I had to have the pethidine which I was really upset about because I didn't even have chance to see if I could manage with just entinox.

Finally the morning arrived and I was transfered to delivery ward. Things were better. I had my own room, my partner by my side, and I was allowed gas and air for the pain. Things soon tooka downward tun again however. The trace showed the baby was unresponsive and they soon told me I had to have a emergency C-section.

The labour was essentiall the polar opposite of what I wanted it to be. I had a very open mind regarding my birth plan but I feel so sad and angry at how things went. I felt so scared and alone and I feel like the experience has travelled with me into motherhood. It effected the way I bonded with the baby and I just didn't have any support whatsoeve. It was a really emotionalbirth for me anyway. I was told I could never have children and had to leave my university course at oxford university when I surprisinlgy fell pregnant.

I was wondering what support is avilable for trauma after bith and what my rights are regarding asking someone at the hospital to dig out my notes and talk me through what happened and why certain decisions we taken. Does anyone have any advce for how I can get over these feeings?

Hi Rachel,

I'm so sorry your experience of giving birth was not what you hoped or expected. I'm not surprised you are sad and angry, it sounds frightening. You can ask to have a debrief with a midwife where they go through your notes with you and help you make sense of what happened. I would contact the maternity unit where you gave birth or ask your health visitor what is offered in your area.

I would definitely speak to your HV or GP about how you are feeling and tell them it has been difficult to bond with your baby. There might be support groups locally you can go to, or other ways in which they can help.

Yes there is help out there but you will need to do some digging. I had a traumatic birth and a few months after I went to the GP and asked if I could speak to someone at the hospital and go through my labour notes. They arranged for the supervisor of midwives to contact me and I met with her. She was amazing and took plenty of time to talk through what happened and even admitted some things the midwives at the birth should have done differently. It really helped to talk through it and it helped me move on from it.

Sounds like you had a dreadful experience and you did not receive even adequate care. Think you should go to your GP asap and tell them what you've said here and I hope they will suggest going through labour notes AND having counselling, they should be able to put you in touch with appropriate services for counselling.

Another source of support is is the website Birth Trauma Association, just google it. If you don't get much from your GP they might know how to contact therapists who deal specifically with birth trauma. Think there are forums on there too where people share experiences. Hope you can get some support for yourself.

Hi Rachel, so sorry to hear you had such a difficult experience. Getting a debrief from the hospital shouldn't be too difficult and I would highly recommend it.

I had a very difficult birth and was in hospital for a long time afterwards due to one or two cock-ups. It left me with many questions and difficulties in recovering so I decided to get a debrief. I got my health visitor to ask the hospital for this and then also I found a form on the hospital's website to formally ask for copies of my and my DD's records. I was telephoned within 2 weeks of sending the form in and got a meeting with the lead midwife and consultant who'd looked after me the following week.

During the meeting they talked me through my notes in chronological order so I could understand what happened, when it happened and why it happened. I really found that it helped to fill in some mental gaps and answered a lot of questions I had. Most importantly, it's helped me to put it behind me and look forwards rather than back. If you do have a meeting like this I'd recommend you write down any specific questions you want to ask or issues you want to address first.

Even if you don't have a debrief meeting you have the right to get copies of your notes (at a small charge) or view them (for free) so don't be shy about asking for this.

Good luck and I hope you manage to get the support and answers you need.

Thank you everyone so much for the advice. It's really given me the confidence I needed to go out and get some anses. I'm going to request a debrief and ask to see my notes. I'm also going to write down my interpreation of evnts and take that with me to see how my memory stacks up against the offical account. I will then take a copy of my version to my GP andask to be refered for some counselling to help me cope. You've all really helped to get my thoughts straiht and Ifeel better knowing I have an action plan.

P.S. Sorry about the numerous typos. I was writing with DD in my arms wriggling like a worm and trying to get out a lot of information fast. I appreciate you taking the time to work through the muddle to give me advice xxxx

I believe there is a 6 month limit to lodging a 'complaint' about the care you had. Of course if more than 6months have elapsed you can say the same thing but it won't be handled as a complaint anymore.

I would agree with all the other posts and also let you know that my traumatic delivery left me with very difficult to cope with emotions, so when I had a review with my consultant she referred me to a psychologist based in the maternity hospital who really helped me to get over things and start enjoying being a mum. If it's not offered but you think you might need it, then just ask if it's available. You really have my sympathies.

I had a very similar delivery, 2 weeks late, induced v slowly, ended in emergency c section. Both me and ds were very ill afterwards, ds so ill he was taken by ambulance to a HDU at a specialist hospital in another county where he stayed for 12 days while I was in the first hospital still. I also ended up back in the operating theatre 3 weeks later as they thought they'd left a medical instrument inside me - they hadn't, but a team of surgeons couldn't recognise a csection scar on an ultrasound. ..
needless to say I now have PTSD and am having counselling as well as being on antidepressants. So I can really sympathise with you and recommend you speak to midwife or gp asap. I waited too long and it ate away at me but you should do it straight away so you can be at peace with what happened. Good luck