Could I have changed baby's head position?

[BraveLilBear]

5 weeks ago my DS was delivered by forceps in theatre after his head got stuck. I was told afterwards it was because his neck was extended and his chin wasn't tucked in.

It's been troubling me that I didn't do enough to get him out myself. I hadn't been able to have an active birth as I was on the drip and being monitored (for prolonged rupture of membranes) and was very confined to the bed (couldn't even go to toilet! ).

I'm just wondering if there was anything I could have done to change his head position? Could having movement restricted caused it?

Everything turned out ok- DS is fine altho marks not faded yet, and I am healing - but the way he was born still haunts me and I don't feel like I actually 'gave birth' because of all the intervention...

Hard to say. If you think it might help you can request a meeting with a midwife who'll go through your notes with you and explain everything. What's the thing that upsets you most?

Congrats on new baby btw!

My first birth wasn't too good, I had an episiotomy (spelling?) where I was cut before forceps were used in the emergency treatment room even though I was mobile. His heart rate dropped and he needed to come out asap.

My second I had 45 minutes after arriving at hospital just gas and air. Try not to over think it, the midwives know what they are doing its just down to fate.

Even if you were more mobile you may have needed forceps like me anyway you will never know! Over time it will fade in your memory, its still fairly fresh in your brain right now but it will get better I know how scary it is at the time but you will do fine, keep talking about it to people if you need to and don't bottle it up it will help you deal with it easier.

You did give birth hunni just sometimes it doesnt go the way we'd like it to xx

It sounds ridiculous but I just don't have that sense of achievement- I never got to experience all the rites of passage (scuse the pun) that people talk of: that feeling of crowning, snuggle time with partner and baby afterwards (he had to leave theatre cos he couldn't cope with the blood), not being able to shower afterwards, the shock of it all...

Don't get me wrong I love my DS and have been blessed to be able to breastfeed despite the drama. But I realised when I read on a friend's facebook birth announcement 'I did the most amazing thing today'... that it had affected me so much. I guess I feel that I failed- even though I know that had we not had assistance it could have killed DS.

If I know that I did everything I could, it might help me make peace with it a bit.

Congratulations on the birth of your ds.

Let me ask you this. Did you seek out the professionals who have studied for years in the physiology of childbirth, plus interventions?

Did you listen to their advice? Did you follow their recommendations based on their professional judgements? Did you put your faith in people who have seen and been involved with numerous births?

If the answer is yes, then tell me, what on EARTH else could you have done at that particular point in time?

The position your baby was in when he was presenting probably wasn't helped by the position you were in. But that could well have been the position he 'fell' into when your waters broke and not having them there making it impossible for him to turn.

But you were in a centre of birthing expertise right? If you feel anyone fell short it certainly wasn't you, and in all honesty, it probably wasn't anyone.

You might or might not be surprised to know that many women feel disappointed after the birth of their first, for many reasons. It is very important that should you need it you seek help because it can trigger either PTSD or PND and quite frankly life with a newborn is incredibly tough in our culture.

I would therefore urge you to at least look up the Birth Trauma Association so that you have their details should you need it.

I think giving birth is a really hard thing to wrap your head around no matter how it goes. I had two totally intervention free straightforward births but with both I went through a weird time about 8 weeks after where I sort of had flashbacks and questioned things I did/ things that happened. Tbh I think birth is so bloody weird that even if it all goes smoothly the brain still.goes over and over it trying (and failing!) to make sense of it. You had the added stress of your partner leaving and things getting quite chaotic and out of control. You'll need time to process all that.

Would you consider going over your notes with the mw?

My sil had a home birth and the baby was looking up, I think it had a hand up by it's face as well, so it is possible but I would guess there is more too it than the baby's head position.

I gave birth pretty much exactly how I planned but still have a feeling of disappointment and wasn't happy about certain things - I'm not sure anyone is truly happy and satisfied with their birth, you just do what you can at the time and can't go back in time to change anything.

The feeling of your baby crowning is not something you need to experience!

Thanks Starlight. I have looked up the Birth Trauma Association but it doesn't apply to me- I was looked after very well during the delivery and was given appropriate pain relief and never felt close to death or anything.

It's just the irrational disappointment. And knowing thatI needed help is upsetting as I'm usually so capable and independent.

The midwives said after that had his head been chin down it would have been very quick. I just need to knowif I ccould have affected his head position - if there was anything I did or didn't do that made the difference.At least then I could act differently if there is ever another opportunity.

It sounds like there was nothing you could have done to change it. One of the hardest things to get my head round in pregnancy and labour was the fact that I wasn't actually in control of most of it.

I think StarlightMckenzie has covered it pretty well.

I know it's easier said than done, but try to focus on the present and future instead. Do let me know how you did it if you succeed, I have trouble with it!!

And congratulations on your new DS :)

Lol - don't get me wrong, I'm not particularly keen to experience crowning- just feel that I should iyswim?

Tbh I had no idea so many women were disappointed by their birthing experience- you only ever hear people talking about their achievements or proud husbands crowing about how proud they are etc.

When the first midwife came round after we got home she asked about the birth and explained why chin position was important. She wrote in my notes birth debrief offered and accepted- I figured that was that.

You are allowed to feel upset, btw. You're allowed to feel however you damn well want to!!

If you've got someone in your life who is willing to just listen and sympathise and not make the trite-but-accurate response of 'Oh but you've got a lovely BABY then do take full advantage of them.

One of my major bugbears in this whole new-mum business is the way we feel like we've got to toe the party line and show the appropriate responses (joy at motherhood, delight at yet more poo, etc) to everyone. Bollocks to that. Make sure you've got someone you can be honest with. MN is good for that too.

Another of my bugbears is people who post twice simultaneously on the same thread sorry!

You did do something amazing, its hard work being a mummy. I bet you are making up with all the snuggles now :) I must admit I wasnt very happy after having my first, maybe thats why. Must admit it did bring me alot closer to my husband tho

Distracting yourself by reading a good book and getting absorbed into that might give yourself something else to concentrate your mind on.. Or a good dvd boxset! Talk to someone if you feel the need to, but just remember this is not your fault its just fate we cant plan whats going to happen xx dont blame yourself you did nothing wrong! xx

I contacted the BTA after a 'textbook labour'. I needed to.

It isn't about what happened. It is about your experience of what happened that is key and how you feel about it now.

This might sound ridiculous but my need to contact them stemmed the sheer terror of being out of control and in unbearable pain and my feelings of inadequacy for suffering flashbacks because of it after the event.

Though my notes from the midwife led unit stated that it was a textbook vaginal birth without epidural.

Don't dismiss the BTA as an option simply because others have losses or what you might consider more severe problems.

What the others have said. Childbirth is really crazy and I suspect very few women feel in control of it, no matter how many active birth or hynobirthing books you've read in advance.

I gave birth nearly four weeks early in a super fast unexpected labour: LO was nearly born on the floor in a side room in the maternity assessment centre!

I was in shock and had flashbacks; we didn't do a lot of calm happy snuggling as too shocked, oh and I wasn't aware I was crowning until afterwards!

Oh yeah and what really took the shine off was being kept in a crowded post natal ward for four days unable to take my newborn home as the midwives hadnt observed a successful bf

Anyway not to minimise your feelings at all but I think what we get given to contend with at childbirth is largely down to the luck of the draw. It's probably highly unlikely it was anything to do with you and it sounds like your acquaintances are being a bit smug or just massively minimising their own experiences.

Congratulations on your newborn

Huge hugs from me :)

And your friends are either just posting smug things for fun, or they haven't just had their first.

It's a shock for most of us.

However, no. 2 and 3 were fantastic, but then I was clear about what I needed and let no man stand in my way of getting it.

Thank you so much everyone. In some ways it helps to know that the disneyland births you see on tv etc don't necessarily capture the emotional craziness of it.

I hadn't realised the BTA could help with perceptions of birth- I'll definitely keep them in mind.

I'm sorry so many women feel disappointed about birth- I wonder if there was a way of preparing women better in advance (whole new thread lol)

my baby was chin up and it is likely that that contributed to or even was the reason I had a c section. I had an active birth otherwise including a long stint in the water bath but ultimately I didn't progress past 9cm. I don't think there is anything you could have done, or at least that is what I've been led to understand.

That's really insightful poocatcher, thanks. It must have been rough for you to get that far naturally but then need a section.

How do you feel about it now, if you don't mind my asking?

I was in theatre for a trial with ventouse (consultant said straight away there was 'no chance if that's your best effort') then forceps, but would have had a section if that hadn't worked.

Your post rings a lot of bells with me. I had a rotational forceps delivery with DS1, he was LOT (looking out towards my right) and asynclitic (head tilted to one side). In terms of active birth I did everything 'right', stayed upright and mobile including time in the pool. I spent 4 hours pushing, he wouldn't budge. Birth is so often just a lottery, there are things you can do to swing the balance in your favour towards a non-interventionist birth, but ultimately what will be will be and there is nothing we can do to change it. Being mobile might help, but it might also make no difference. I had the same feeling of 'failure' and of not having given birth, for months I wondered if there was something else I could have done, I was previously terrified of crowning, then I felt devastated that I hadn't experienced it.

22 months later I had DS2. Completely fast and straightforward natural birth, nothing to do with anything I did, just luck.

I second the recommendation for a debrief, it really helped me to understand why the forceps were necessary and about the position that DS1 had got himself into. What I didn't realise pre-DS1 was that assisted deliveries/CS in first births are a lot more common than you'd like to think. As other posters have said, I found giving birth a MASSIVE emotional experience like no other that knocked me for six both times. My DS2 is 9 months now and I'm only just feeling a little less overwhelmed by giving birth again.

Glad the BF is going well .