Advice coping second time around

[shellsocks]

I?ve just had my 20 week scan for my second baby and everything was good thankfully, so my thoughts are naturally turning towards labour more and more often and I am becoming quite anxious.

I?ve never written down all about the birth before and although I?ve kept it brief it turned into a bit of an essay so I?ve put that at the end after my questions so don?t read if you can?t be bothered!

I suppose what I am asking is for any advice on how to approach this second time round if the labour is as long and to try to avoid it ending in theatre again ? I think it was the not knowing there was going to be an end that wore me down, I was just totally exhausted and in pain for so long (36 hours of contractions at least every 8 minutes until I had the spinal nearly the whole time spent on my feet). I?d like to avoid drugs if at all possible and I?m very worried about the pushing stage again?is it possible that my body simply doesn?t know what to do and I won?t get the urge to push again? Having not experienced crowning etc. this kind of feels like a first time birth again so I am fretting about how that stage might be, but I also know I would be very happy to have got to this point by myself.

I was really against a water birth last time but am thinking this may help me cope (but I am sceptical of it alleviating pain like I had?and will I even be able to sit in the pool if back to back again?). The Maggie Howell birth preparation book / CD has just arrived?but again I am sceptical that anything like this could help me if the pain is so bad I can?t sit down etc again (just read a statement in it that says labour pain will only be excruiating if you are stressed/scared which I don?t believe so I don?t know if this will be for me )

Can anyone offer any advice on coping with pain and whether you think I can go on and give birth without the need for drugs / intervention after my first labour.

Thanks for reading!

Was in (I assume) slow labour from the Sunday to Wednesday, contracting on and off but wasn?t too painful and coped fine?things kicked off properly Wed tea time and the contractions became pretty regular straight away about every 5 ? 8 mins?increased to 1-3 mins by 1am so we went into hospital...they were very painful but I was coping with the TENS, the pain was ten times worse when sat on the ball or lying down though so was standing the whole time. Was sent home as not dilating and was given something to help me get some sleep..was told baby had turned back to back which is why pain was so bad. Went home and slept for four hours, waking every 1-6 minutes for a contraction (pressing the TENS button each time then dropping back off!). Got up at 6.30 and had a bath, everything stopped while I was in the bath so I got another ½ hour kip..got out and they started again..every 1-3 minutes (still had to be standing as unbearable pain otherwise)..went back to hospital abt 2pm to be told only 1cm, stayed in for 4 hours pacing the hospital but still only 1cm so sent home again.

Got another bath but as I got out waters broke and contractions really went up in intensity?every 30secs ? 2 mins and extremely painful (a whole other level I didn?t think possible!) so back to hospital?still only 1cm! I was devastated to be 24 hours in and have not progressed and said I couldn?t cope?had some pethidine which had no effect so again I was very upset?had some diamorphine which at least made me sleep in between contractions (but as was lying on the bed when they woke me up they were sooo painful!) this wore off after a couple of hours and was examined again ? had reached 10cm, was very happy! (MW said the raspberry leaf capsules I took from 32 weeks made for a shorter second stage?) Both DH and MW said my whole attitude changed and became very determined and MW said I could start pushing, I pushed with every contraction but I never got the urge to push? I was on my feet or knelt over the top of the bed and pushed for 5 hours and nothing was happening (my shoulders/arms were sore for days afterwards), the baby would just move back up after every push, I was so tired and couldn?t see an end it was very tough physically and emotionally. Then the contractions stopped and they put me on the drip to try and get them going again and the doctors were called in?it was either gonna be forceps or CS they would decide in theatre. DH and I were really scared there were so many people in the room all of a sudden, but I have to say at this point I think I gave in mentally, I was so relieved it was going to be over?I still pushed etc. but I know that something changed in my head. So we went to theatre, but they couldn?t get the spinal in and it took well over an hour for them to go get DH for delivery (he was white with stress at not knowing what was going on) and I had to sit over the edge of the bed contracting being completely still while they tried to get it in I was in total agony, so bad I couldn?t get back on the bed to lie down without help it was horrendous.

DS was delivered with forceps but he got in a bit of bother and got stuck so it was a really scary for a minute or two, but he was totally fine afterwards. We noticed my stitches split a few days in so healing took a long time but recovery was OK and DS had no issues. I cried quite a bit afterwards tho (first few days I was ok), I think I was in shock tbh at what had happened and just how painful it was and how rubbish my body was at it?they don?t warn you of that!

I'm so sorry your first birth was so tricky. It must have really scared you and your DH.

Everyone says second births are much easier and much quicker. You know what to expect and your body will know what to do and be more efficient this time.

I wouldn't rule a water birth out, why not be open minded? One of my friends was terrified of giving birth, she wanted all the drugs in the world and a c-section, she ended up with a three hour water birth. Other people want no drugs and then say an epidural was dreamy and the best thing ever.

I don't think your body was rubbish at all. I think some births are just really difficult, especially back to back. I would really recommend this Juju Sundin book which gave me lots of strategies to actively cope with giving birth. There is a whole section on dealing with back to back births too. I found it really empowering.

Good luck. I hope this time you have a fabulous birth experience

I can't really give any advice as I only have one DC so far and also had a pretty tough first birth. But, like the previous poster mentioned, I've also heard that second time around both labour and the pushing stage tend to be much quicker and easier. I've heard this even from friends who had difficult first births but then went on to have a much better birth second time round. Hope that it is the same for you, good luck

Thanks andifeed I really hope my body does know what to do this time round and yes I agree about a water birth am hoping that I wont need any drugs/monitoring so I can at least try the pool. Thanks for the book tip, will defo order it once I have finished the Maggie Howell book

milkmonster I really hope so! I have just read something in the Maggie Howell book that says once you get to 10cm there can be a lull before the urge to push comes and that MWs often rush women to start pushing before they are ready which delays things even more...maybe this is why the urge never came for me. Thanks for your well wishes

I never got the pushing urge first time round either. Just pushed when I was told to, with little success, ending in forceps delivery. I think my body shut down through exhaustion and the morphine induced haze. I also thought my body was rubbish at giving birth and felt very guilty.

Second time round, totally different story - the urge to push was so overwhelming I couldn't have not pushed if I'd tried! I remember thinking 'ah this is what people meant!' Much much quicker birth and I felt much more in control. Things that might have helped with this (although of course it may have been simple good fortune!)

• I did the natal hypnotherapy cd in the run up to the birth and felt much calmer about the whole idea of giving birth. Although I didn't do any of the visualisation exercises etc (didn't have time!) I did feel much more relaxed which I'm convinced helped my body to get on with it.
• I drank raspberry leaf tea religiously from week 34 onwards - I believe this has been shown to make the second stage shorter by toning the uterus.
• I kept moving around between contractions
• everything was just more 'primed' for birth because my body had done it before.

Honestly, my 2 birth experiences could not have been more different and I'm sure it will be the same for you. Try not to worry, and good luck!

I have 5dcs and they were all back to back. Each labour was different apart from the not dilating until just before pushing. I had an epidural with my 4th after a hellish induction and also had my 5th with no pain relief at all, despite a 30 he labour. Just because your last birth was horrible it really doesn't mean this one will. Also back to back and/or a long labour doesn't mean it will be horrible.

I found the spinning babies website very informative and it gave me things to try whilst I was in labour, to help me cope with the pain.

Let the hospital know how awfully your last labour was and that your worried of a repeat. The midwives can then understand your concerns better and reassure you during this labour.

As for a water birth, the midwives normally like you to be (I think) more than 4cm dilated before you get in. If you have another back to back labour you may well feel the urge to push very soon after this, so not have time for the pool.

Don't loose heart if you dilate very slowly. Try and stay relaxed and use whatever pain relief you feel you need at the time. Having an epidural does not make you a failure and having a drug free birth does not make you a hero.

thanks josie sorry to hear you had a bad first time too...but very glad to hear about your second birth

I've just bought the CD and book and am reading the book now so hopefully this will help me too...I did RLT last time building up the dose from 32 weeks and will do the same again...ditto re moving around all the time, think I did this without thinking tbh!

I hope you right in that the body does know what to do more.

Hi NAR 5 back to back labours is really unlucky Will have a look at that website, thanks Thanks for the info re the pool as well, I didn't know that.

I asked for an epidural at some point last time but no one was available, so I imagine if it is the same I will ask again...I suppose I am just hoping the pain isn't as bad this time so I won't feel the need to ask!

I actually found (and hopefully you will too) that the second birth helped to 'heal' the memories of my first one. It was really really positive in helping me to understand that none of what went 'wrong' first time was my fault. Fingers crossed for you!

Your first birth sounds like an ordeal - so sorry it happened that way, but glad to hear that you and your baby were ok in the end.

I can't say I had a horrific first labour - it was ok. I laboured at home, but had to go in due to meconium in waters. I reached 10cm after pethidine (as I REALLY needed a nap!). Didn't get the urge to push at all. Apparently my first son was visible, but I had no feeling of him there at all. (No, I didn't have an epidural!). Ended up doing some rubbish pushes, they did an episiotomy, and out he popped. 12-hour labour. It wasn't easy, but not incredibly hard.

My second labour was just under four weeks ago. Water birth in the MLU pool. Youngest son was born underwater. Amazing. What I will say is that it WAS NOT a quick labour, and the 'pain' wasn't any less than the first time. I didn't get an urge to push either, however, what I did get was a massive urge to pee (and push the pee out), which ended in me bursting my waters explosively (and what a relief that was!). Went back in the pool, still wasn't getting this overwhelming urge to push, but the amazing midwife wasn't rushing me, in fact she was really chilled and quiet. I decided to try and give a little push here and there, to see what happened, and it was like I triggered my uterus to literally 'kick' my son out. With every little push I gave, this happened, like a powerful motor. So I didn't get an urge, but couldn't stop it happening after each small push - by which time he'd crowned, and the midwife instructed me on what to do. I would say the second labour was tougher to actually do, but was way more amazing, especially giving birth in the water, fishing him out myself and NOT NEEDING STITCHES despite him being a large baby!

Highly recommend the water. Good luck. Your body will know what to do. I think labour is about having a mindset. The pain is positive - it means your body is working well to get your baby out.

I saw this the other day and wanted to post that I totally empathise. I had a hideous 24 hour labour with dc1, contractions were 2 mins apart from the off and it was horrendous. Ended up with epidural, forceps and third degree tear/episiotomy. I was absolutely bricking it for dc2. I had him last night, 1.5 hour labour from the off and ended up with a surprise home birth onto the bathroom floor. Few stitches but no tear. As others said, the pain was the same but I tried a tens machine this time which really took the edge off. I listened to the hypnobirthing stuff and whilst I still started panicking I managed to keep on top of it. Not sure why I was blessed with such a short second labour. I only finished work yesterday at 39 + 2 (dc1 came at 42 weeks and I'd has to finish at 34), maybe keeping going so long had something to do with it? Either way, you could end up with a MUCH better experience, like I did. I totally didnt expect it. I hope you do :)

josie oh I really hope that is true, very glad for you that you had a better time of it second time round

Hi oda very interested in your comments abt the water thanks, especially in that it was actually a harder birth but you found it amazing

Wow neiffer huge congrats on the birth of DC2 and the nature of the birth, sounds like it might have been a bit scary being so quick and unplanned at home, but fantastic that it all went so well and so fast, hope you are both doing well now