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Childbirth

Share experiences and get support around labour, birth and recovery.

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Original poster

Does your DH/family try to 'schedule' the birth?

40 replies

RoomForALittleOne · 02/07/2013 08:17

I am very fed up. I'm 38+5 today with DC4 and this has been a rubbish pregnancy with hyperemesis until 36 weeks and threatened pre-term labour at 27 weeks followed by weeks of 'irritable uterus'. I would really like to have given birth at 37 weeks but baby clearly wasn't ready. I'm OK with that. Fed up, but OK.

My family and DH, however, keep telling me what days would be particularly convenient/inconvenient for me to give birth on. They keep watching me like I'm about to produce a baby if they look away. It's starting to stress me out. I would like to retreat into a little safe cocoon for a few days without them! And don't even get me started on the reminders that if I don't give birth soon, my family will have to go home soon without seeing the baby (never mind the clash of ideas about visits in the first 24 hours).

I'm not due for another nine days! Leave me alone!

OP posts:

Are your children’s vaccines up to date?

Set a reminder

extracrunchy · 02/07/2013 08:39

Ugh last thing you need! Poor you... Have you told them you're finding the pressure a bit full on, especially as you can't actually do anything about when you start at this stage?

LittleMilla · 02/07/2013 08:44

I've got my MIL putting pressure on me to say if we'll make it to Devon early August - edd 22nd July. She needs to know otherwise they'll invite others to the house.

Errrr, can't we just wait and see? In theory a couple of days by the sea will be fab for ds1 and I can hide away. But ffs, I have NO idea when the baby is coming!

I could also have opted for c section but haven't. Family thinks I'm mad for not scheduling it in when I could

SanityClause · 02/07/2013 08:50

Bloody annoying, I'm sure - just like most things seem to be in the last few weeks of pregnancy.

78bunion · 02/07/2013 08:54

Tell them you think it will be born at 42 weeks (which is within the norm anyway) and that way they may head off to their homeland and you will have peace and quiet. No one is allowed to visit you without your permission. Just say no visits until the baby is 2 weeks old if you wish. your choice.

marzipananimal · 02/07/2013 08:55

How annoying. I'm 40 weeks and been getting this a bit too so I sympathise. Why can't people just let things happen in their own time without going on about it?

Original poster

RoomForALittleOne · 02/07/2013 08:57

Yes, Extracrunchy I have pointed it out once or twice because I'm now openly grumpy with them. And I'm not impressed with my mum replying that she is finding it hard to sleep now because she is stressed about deciding when to go home. I'd happily trade places.

OP posts:

2beornot · 02/07/2013 08:58

Oh yes, I remember this. Dd was born at 39+6 so not even late! I got lots of "poor you, you must be really fed up" to which I always wanted to say "I'm fine actually, you're the one getting fed up". Didn't help that mum kept saying any day now from 37 weeks!!

Original poster

RoomForALittleOne · 02/07/2013 09:00

It doesn't help that DC1 was born at 34+6, DC2 at 39+2 and DC3 at 37+0. But that doesn't mean this baby is coming today. I'm sure it will come when I'm relaxed and allowed to sort my 'nest' out in peace rather than being watched!

OP posts:

HenriettaPye · 02/07/2013 09:01

When I was preg with DS, he was due at end of April and my mum kept going on at me that I had better have the baby by 8 May, as that's when my little sisters first holy communion was. Throughout the whole pregnancy that it all I heard, and that I better be out of hospital so I can attend. Turned out I went into hospital on 7th May and DS was born just as the ceremony was starting!

Original poster

RoomForALittleOne · 02/07/2013 09:01

Oh, and I'm so glad that I'm not the only one to suffer this nonsense as if late pregnancy isn't rubbish enough!

OP posts:

Geeklover · 02/07/2013 09:06

I did it to myself when I was having ds2
There was a lot going on including a funeral and a family member having major surgery and the other 2 were a couple of weeks early so I kept saying that he couldn't come until Wednesday xx date if he didn't come then be had to stay in another week.
He came 9:30am on Wednesday xx date after a shockingly quick labour

Chesterado · 02/07/2013 10:34

Yep. Now 41 plus 1 and dh told me this morning that I "might as well" hang on until I'm induced at the weekend because will make his work and picking up a new car arrangements much more straightforward. He was only half joking.

RuckAndRoll · 02/07/2013 10:42

I've got all this to come, currently 34wks, DH starts a new job at 37wks and his new boss has said he really needs baby to be as late as possible, so DH keeps telling me it can't come early. Like you can control these things!

Also been getting loads of comments from my parents and the in-laws about how inconvenient it is trying to schedule a holiday when baby is due in August.

BraveLilBear · 02/07/2013 11:21

RoomForALittleOne it drives me mad how everyone else sees your child as theirs, especially when it's usually grandparents piling on the pressure and they should know better!

I'm due same day as LittleMilla and DP was needed at work throughout June so was adamant I couldn't have baby early... this was mainly tongue in cheek, but there was truth there!

The other issue is my younger sister, whose birthday it is the day after the due date... She says she'll be upset if baby arrives on her birthday as it will no longer be 'her' special day. Thing is, she's not really kidding!

You definitely have it worse though. FX it comes soon so they can just leave you to it...

BraveLilBear · 02/07/2013 11:24

Oh and Ruck one of the lowest moments of my pregnancy thus far came after my mum and sisters affectively bullied me into having a baby shower. I eventually agreed, so long as it wouldn't be grabby and would be on my terms... and said what dates I could do. They then came back and said 'well can't you do x date as we're away/on holiday/at festivals/at weddings' and I pointed out that that was the date of the wedding I had already told them about it.

My mum then huffily replied with 'oh well, that's what you get for having a summer baby'

ShadowStorm · 02/07/2013 11:29

That sounds really annoying. And pointless, as it's not like you can control when you're going to go into labour.

Surely they know that you can't just say "Oh, alright then, I'll just start having contractions now so that the baby can be born in the next day or so"?

Viviennemary · 02/07/2013 11:32

I'm usually the get on with it type. But in this case they are being totally ridiculous. Ignore them and say you are not receiving visitors or taking phonecalls. And go and lock yourself in a room.

itried · 02/07/2013 11:33

Words fail me. Ignore them.

cbatbh · 02/07/2013 11:41

Ignore them

Or tell them baby doesn't have a calendar in there with them so tough titties

Or sarcastically ask them if there is a particular timeslot they would like baby to pop out so they don't miss Corrie e.t.c

isabellamum · 03/07/2013 07:13

ruck maybe your in laws should just do what my dad has - he's going to Spain with his new partner, her daughter and granddaughter on the week I'm due.

Mind you, that's cos he's convinced baby will come a week early and on the date that would have been his and my mums 40th anniversary....what a prick

OhTiger · 03/07/2013 07:25

My dreadful ex had the inspired idea of opening a book for my first.

So I had people with quite serious money on telling me what day I must produce baby.

I totally lost it in the end, and refused to see anyone. You are allowed to do this.

kickassangel · 03/07/2013 07:34

Dd was due 2 weeks before my parents 40th wedding anniversary, and they were quite insistent that they wanted me there. Also insisted that everyone had their first child 2 weeks late. I think they hoped I would be the entertainment at their party.

A friend of mine got told she'd totally ruined Christmas when expecting her first. The in laws did manage to forgive her though when their grandchild arrived.

LadyIsabellaWrotham · 03/07/2013 08:01

My DB and DSIL were on call to mind DD while DS was born. I told them "some time between w38 and w42". Two days before the due date they got back to me and said that it had gone on for long enough and if it wasn't born in the next three days then they wouldn't be able to take the time off work. Strong implication that I was being deliberately unreasonable.

Babylonmoo · 03/07/2013 11:26

I think part of the problem is the fixation on the due date. Only 5% of women give birth on the due date. 95% of women are the described as "early" or " late" which is clearly nonsense. Babies should come between 37 and 42 weeks.we should all think of due window. I am 39 +5. It could be today, it could be in two weeks. Both are on time!

ChunkyPickle · 03/07/2013 11:39

I am aghast at people - how do they think this all works? Do they think you're deliberately not having the baby?

Baffling. People are totally baffling.

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