3rd baby, previous two absolutely fine pregnancies and textbook vaginal labours, in hospital. Two healthy normal sized babies, no induction, no drugs, no assistance. No gestational diabetes, perfect blood pressure throughout. But I'm fat. So naturally throughout they've had me under consultant led care for all three. I've just had my diabetes test and growth scan, no diabetes again and baby is absolutely on the 50th centile line on the chart for growth, same as its siblings who were 7lb.
I'm dreading another hospital labour though, every time they want me flat on my back, constant fetal monitoring, bright lights, loads of people in the room, painful IV in "just in case" etc It's absolutely the opposite of what I want, and in my last labour, I was contracting nicely every three minutes but as soon as I got to the hospital I got so scared everything stopped and I had to have a painful sweep and walk around for hours to get the contractions going again. I put this down squarely to fear of the midwives and doctors. I can't relax in hospital, I feel hugely defensive about it right now, literally worried sick.
All I want is the chance to labour like low risk women do, soft lighting, peaceful, allowed to trust in my body (which is actually great at giving birth, thank you!) move around and maybe labour in water. Instead I feel like I'm facing an uphill battle and will have to argue my corner unsupported and vulnerable against stony staff who view me as nothing but a potential lawsuit.
I fantasise about buying a birthpool and just getting on with it alone, just getting my other half to call them when I know its too late. I know birth isn't without risk but if you'd have seen me last time, all my arms and hands severely bruised from their multiple IV siting attempts, blood all over me from my wrist (they eventually sited the sodding unnecessary IV out the side of my wrist so every time I moved I dripped blood all over the bed) bearing in mind that at no point has anything ever been wrong with me. It feels wrong to let them do that to me again. I just don't trust them! It doesn't feel like they have my best interests at heart, I'm just an unpleasant and inconvenient vessel that they have to pry the baby out of, under strip lighting.
I can't sleep for worrying about this, what should I do?