keeping date of elcs secret

[NeatFreak]

This may sound strange but has anyone had an elective c section booked but kept the date secret?

I am expecting dc3 very soon and really want to keep the date quiet, other than to sort childcare out with a close friend. I will probably tell close family the day or two before but ask them to keep it quiet too.

I can't really explain why I want to keep it secret other than being really stressed with other issues at the moment and can't face lots of phone calls in the run up to it. Also, having gone into labour naturally twice I enjoyed the anticipation and people not knowing until after the birth. It also feels private and something I don't want to share with random people!
Our other two children are older and they want it to be a surprise so telling people might let the cat out of the bag.

Is this really selfish? I wil tell my mum and sister but not yet...they live 7 hours away and have already arranged to visit next month so I'm not denying them the chance to make plans immediately afterwards. Whenever colleagues, parents at school etc ask I am being really vague and saying when my due date is whilst being non committal.

I'm overthinking things and being al me me me
, aren't I?!
(dh agrees and hasn't told his parents either)

I don't think it's selfish. It's your birth and therefore totally up to you. Personally, I found that people knowing the date meant they were more inclined to leave me alone but I guess it depends on what your friends/family are like!

I'm fully intending to keep the date of my elcs a secret, if I was having this baby naturally no one would know when she's coming so I don't see the problem.

My parents who will be looking after my other 3 will be being told but that's it!

Keep it quiet if it keeps you sane. I only had 3 days notice of my last ELCS. More than enough time, and I had to organise child care.

I didn't tell until the week before.
I had to arrange childcare too so told people then.

I told everyone I wasn't even being seen until afternoon time when I knew I was first on the list bar any emergencies.

I was seen first and had news for everyone before 10 in the morning!!

Tell whoever you want. It's no ones business but yours.

Its no one else's business, keep it secret if you want - and this is coming from someone who did tell people!

Thanks all, the trickiest part is working out what to say when people ask directly if I have a date yet (just got a text asking exactly that!) I know if some family members found out I kept it from them they would be ticked off with me but will keep it quiet for a while longer anyway! Never mind, not much longer to keep.my secret

Surely there are circumstances when occasionally it doesn't happen on that date for whatever reason... so could you not just say that you have a date in 'x' week, but it's subject to change?

Maybe you could say its in x week but it will be a last minute call in as they're quite booked? I know a friend used that excuse coupled with the fact that are trust were send in people to random hospitals for planned procedures.

I've said they told me it will be at around 39 weeks and should find out more at my pre op appt two days before then so I could tell family then and avoid my phone and the school run for the day in between... Everyone I know has been given a date a few weeks before so they will probably know I'm lying but I guess that's the downside to it and I'm going to have to put up with it!

I went into labour the day before my planned section and my organised childcare went all to pot. My parents drove 4 hrs when I rang them at 4.30am but I had to get to the hospital before they arrived so we had to ask school gate friends which was v embarrassing at 5am.

Anyway, all I'd said to anyone was that it would probably be at the end of X week but I wasn't quite sure.

my friend did this with her CS and didn't tell anyone until the baby had arrived. It was nice and a real surprise!

Yup.

I had a CS last week and only the person doing wrap around childcare knew. We were telling people it was sometime in the 39th week, vwry cloae family we said that we knew the date bit would rather keep it a surprise.

Everyone was fine with that.

If anyone asks tell them it's a week or 10 days after it is, that way you're home and well settled in, and can announce the birth in your own sweet time, before everyone gets twitchy on the phone.

Best of luck with it, and no, I don't think you're being weird at all.

Thanks all. I'm going to tell our childminder today so she knows what's going on and a friend is taking the dc to school then collecting from the childminder so realistically nobody else needs to know. Most people know my due date so will know roughly when it is but I'm sticking to between 39 and 40 weeks. I'll tell my mum a few days before.

Thanks for the reassurances that I'm not weird or selfish... Some people would disagree but at least I know I'm not in relation to this!

Friend has an elcs on Friday and didn't tell anyone the date. I thought it was a week later, so when I got a text from her it was a lovely surprise.

She said she didn't want anyone contracting her or indeed worrying about them. Also what happens if you are delayed by a day or so.

Good idea. I'm going to do this this time.

Last time I stupidly told my over-involved and over-invested parents and they started hassling us for photos, updates etc almost as soon as I was out of the theatre. Then they arrived at the hospital and plonked themselves at the foot of my bed for hours. This time I'm going to enjoy some peace and time with my baby to myself and my DH first!

Up to you obviously.

What I would say is that if there is anyone who might provide support (emotional or practical) that you risk upsetting by not telling then you're risking loosing out on that.

Certainly I'd find it odd (and potentially hurtful) if a close friend/relative didn't tell me when they were going to have an ELCS as I typically hear about inductions, early labour etc.

If you just want peace and quiet beforehand have you considered telling people that? Could be simpler than lies?

I've found most people quite sensitive in asking how much visiting etc I'd like although obviously not everyone may be that great.

But it's not about anyone else ginger it's about the baby arriving safe and well. I certainly didn't tell people I was in labour, what happens if it goes horridly wrong or it takes 3 days.

Agree might be best to tell your mum or sister etc just n case. Just tell them the day but not the time.

I will tell those I'm closest to and anyone who has offered to help with childcare etc. family is so far away they can't offer practical or emotional support but will tell them beforehand anyway.

I went into town this morning and in one shop alone was asked by 3 different people when baby was due as well as two texts asking if I had a date yet! I don't know why it bothers me so much, it just feels so private and I have other stresses going on ATM that I am trying not to think about it too much until the actual date iykwim. Think I'm going to hibernate until d day!

I had an elcs in April and didn't tell anyone other than my friend who was looking after ds1 that morning.

I'm not telling anyone my due date, and am actively lying to my family. I was ten days overdue last time and my mother and sisters went into a state of hysteria, it really added to my stress. ideally this time no one will even know I'm in labour and i will see everyone apart from my DH and DS the day after the birth.

If it's a ELCS you could just give a fake date and then everyone gets a nice surprise, it's your baby and your birth, do what you want!

We only told parents and brother/sister, so we could arrange childcare.

I did not tell any other family as I did not want a massive fuss and everybody calling/sending messages. Childbirth/emcs was traumatic so just wanted everything to be calm & peaceful.

Also I didn't know what time I would be having elcs and again didn't want constant calls/texts asking what time/have you had baby yet.

If anybody asked when is baby due, I just told then my due date not the elcs date.

I think it's an excellent idea. Go for it.