Advice please - how to support friend during childbirth

[Sunnywithshowers]

My lovely friend is due to give birth next week and has asked me to be there to support her.

She is having a birthing pool and there will also be a doula.

Can you tell me what to expect, and how I can best support her? I haven't had children and my experience of birth is mainly from OBEM...

If she appears to find comfort from the doula, follow her lead and tell the doula that you are available to help her if there is anything she can think of.

Things like fetching towels, mopping up birthpool spills, making mother and doula tea, making a phone call etc.

So jealous. Do you know how honoured you are?

I'm really touched that she asked me :) I'm going to stay with her for a few days, as her last baby arrived within an hour so I may be calling the ambulance...

Bloody hell, you may be catching it!! How fantastic!

Don't shout 'push!', it is totally unnecessary and very annoying. And in the event that the birth isn't lightening quick, don't make chit chat. I don't think OBEM is a very good learning tool to be honest.

Good luck!

I think one of the key skills a birthing partner (And midwife for that matter) can have is the ability to not always have to be DOING something.

Just watching and being company is often enough and more supportive than you think.

Thanks both of you :)

Oh yes. Please don't be hurt if you ask 'Would you like a pillow?' and she shouts 'No I don't want a fucking pillow!'

It's not directed at you. It's directed at the pain. There is really NO scope for sensitivities, polite address and thinking about other people's feelings.

Um, when I shouted "oh fuck off" at DH during the birth of DC1, I'm afraid I was shouting at him, not the pain.

Don't take it personally if that happens though. We went on to have DS2 so I can't have despised DH that much......

Good luck. How exciting and what an honour!

Something my mum did which was amazing. Just before transition, she went and made everyone a cup of tea. Then as I sat holding my baby in the pool, cord still attached and placenta still in, we all had a cup of sweet tea before cracking on with the 3rd stage.

Thanks for all these tips - they are awesome.

I'm more worried that she'll give birth before the ambulance arrives

Agree with the above. What I also found really nice was my DH had made up a playlist of relaxing songs that we listened to - gave me something to focus on between contractions. Also having a hand to hold between contractions was reassuring.

Is it a homebirth? There won't be an ambulance unless there is an emergency.
I agree with the above posters, you don't have to 'do' too much. Just being there as a calm, supportive presence will help the most. It's a truly wonderful experience to get the witness, lucky you!

Don't fall asleep afterwards, claiming it was tiring thanks DH

IrishFairy my friend's last baby came in an hour(!) so the midwife has told her to call an ambulance to take her to the birthing centre. Otherwise I'm sure she'd walk (it's about 20 minutes away)... :)

My only advice is to bounce off of your friend, don't speak to her throughout contractions (and disturb her train of thought), offer plenty of water to mum (and tea to midwives) and hand holding whenever necessary. Also remind her to wee! We forgot to do this, and midwife was far too busy with baby to keep tabs on this and my sis ended up in hospital as her full bladder prevented her placenta from being delivered. It is now the first thing on my birth partner checklist! Don't be nervous, I know I HATE being touched or spoken to when in pain so my birth partner didn't have much to do but him simply being there was a great comfort.

All the advice here is great. It might be an idea to arrive with some straws for easier drinking whilst in labour, some small packets of fruit juice and some high energy snacks like dark chocolate covered cranberries. Her labour might end up being very fast but she'll still be tired afterwards and being given a carton of ribena will be lovely (plus she can't spill it on the baby and drink with one hand!).

Hope it all goes well and that you both enjoy the experience together

Oh yes, you mentioned this isn't her first baby - where will her other child be?

If her last baby came within an hour, you may not have time to fill up the pool.

First time round we turned up with enough suitcases for a small family holiday - books, magazines, music, comedy CD (what in the hell I thought I was going to do with that, I have no idea - I think I thought I was going to laugh my way through childbirth), pizza, drinks, fans, cameras, a wardrobe of baby clothes. All she will need really is water in a sports bottle (esp if she has gas and air, as it dries the mouth) and you being there. She'll tell you what she needs - she might just want you out of the way, she might want to hang on to you during contractions. She will probably feel quite hungry when it's over too.

I remember a friend of mine mentioned that the best help she got from her doula during home-birth was that the doula kept calm and sort of guided/anchored her emotionally. When my friend went into "I can't take this anymore/shoot me now" mode the doula calmly said "Why don't we light the candles now"

There are also quite a few videos on youtube on how to be a good birthing partner, might be worth checking some of them.

Thanks all. My friend's other baby is 18 :-) so no babysitter needed. She had a sweep this am and is having some pains... We're off for a short walk (with all her notes etc :-)) x

Thank you again for all the advice. My friend had a baby girl an hour ago, both are doing great. X

Woohooo!

Hope you're ALL recovering well.