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Original poster

Is this true about birth partners..?!

32 replies

HeinzKetchup · 28/05/2013 20:46

I'm due to give birth in a few months and really nervous. I alway imagined I'd have my sister with me as well as my bf. however I've just heard that hospitals are only allowing one birth partner!

Is this true? Hmm

I live in west London and will be going to Chelsea and west.

Is this general hospital policy now or have I heard wrong?!

Any info of any hospitals would be much appreciated!

OP posts:
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atrcts · 28/05/2013 21:29

My hospital allows one birthing partner. I thought that was pretty standard, although on 'one born every minute' you sometimes see a partner and a parent in the birthing room at the same time.

Twinklestarstwinklestars · 28/05/2013 21:31

It depends on the hospital.

Are you going on a tour? If not just give them a ring and ask to put your mind at rest.

Noideaatall · 28/05/2013 21:32

I'm not sure if this is policy but my motto now is 'make a fuss'. If it's important to you then they should accommodate what you want, regardless. I know it's hard but try to insist or get someone to do it for you. They might be more ready to be flexible than they make out in any case - but unless you ask....Wink

AmandaPayneNeedsANap · 28/05/2013 21:32

It's not 'hospitals', it's some very specific ones. Most around me in London allow two (or did four years ago when I was giving birth in hospital). You need to ask your hospital.

PuzzleRocks · 28/05/2013 21:34

I had DD1 at C&W and had my mother and DH. This was 2007 though. I had mother and sister with me for DD2 at a different hospital in 2009. I would be very surprised if only 1 person was allowed.

StitchAteMySleep · 28/05/2013 21:35

I had two in C&W back in 2009 and was allowed 2 in Queen Charlotte's last year.

OddBoots · 28/05/2013 21:36

I've had two for all my births but I think the size of room has a bearing. Who have you heard this from? If it's not your midwife then she (or he) would be the best one to ask.

UniqueAndAmazing · 28/05/2013 21:36

just trying to find out.
it is specific to the hospital you're in :)

lurcherlover · 28/05/2013 21:37

I had two.

PavlovtheCat · 28/05/2013 21:40

I don't know if it's a universal policy or just those hospitals? At DDs birth in 2006 I had my DH and my best friend with me. DH to hold my hand, best friend, a nurse, to do the practical things and be my vocal advocate when I couldn't speak through contractions (and, as it turned to out accompany me to theatre to hold my hand while the doc removed the placenta manually, and DH looked after baby as he is squeamish).

DS didn't need anyone, no time either. But, they would not have had any choice if I wanted my best friend there!

Maybe the policies have changed? Seems daft IMO, especially if that person is going to be helping in some practical way/your Dh/DP is not great with hospitals etc. I can understand them not wanting the family there filming etc, but two is reasonable?

Original poster
HeinzKetchup · 28/05/2013 22:39

Thanks for replies.

It's not from my midwife just people talking really. I think I'm going to kick up a fuss as my bf is very quite and I need my sis there to talk up for me if and when needed!

I'm hoping I'm wrong but I will speak to my midwife at my next app. Got a few months to go but still Just wondering how to get my own way! Would be good if I could go in armed with knowledge of other hospitals policies (don't no if that would make a difference though)
Ill just have to practice being stern lol

OP posts:
themilkmonster · 29/05/2013 09:40

It depends on the policy of the specific hospital. All the hospitals local to me allow two birthing partners though.
Although when I was on a different ward being induced only my husband was allowed to be there. It was a shared ward though with only curtains between beds so I guess there just isn't the space. As soon as I got my own room on the labour ward my second birthing partner (my mum) was allowed to come down.

TigerSwallowTail · 29/05/2013 09:42

It depends on the hospital and the midwife. The hospital I had my son in said only one birth partner and the midwife was very strict about it, but when they midwives changed over to the morning shift the day midwife let me have two birthing partners.

Guntie · 29/05/2013 09:48

Heinz Chelsea and westminster were enforcing this up to to weeks ago, it is now lifted to my knowledge. I confirmed over the phone with them.

Might see you there!!

Guntie · 29/05/2013 09:48

*two weeks ago

UniqueAndAmazing · 29/05/2013 09:56

I have got a definitive reply from the C&W - you can have 2 birth partners, or (however many you want) on relay (ie, two at a time, but you can swap them) - and it does depend on the midwife

:)

aufaniae · 29/05/2013 10:01

Many people have doulas as well as their partners don't they? So many hospitals must allow two. Your sister is simply being your doula in a way I guess.

In case you're not familiar with the term: What is a Doula

aufaniae · 29/05/2013 10:03

Also worth remembering you have a choice over which hospital. If C&W won't allow it, how about other hospitals near you?

sugarandspite · 29/05/2013 10:20

Just to add in one thought about one birth partner or two - I was quite worried about just having my DH as he often isn't very assertive, especially in the face of medical experts / people in authority.

However, just having him there really worked for us. He realised I needed him to step up and fight my corner for me because I simply wasn't in a position to do so myself and it gave him a key and important unique role in bringing our DD into the world.

It made me (and I think him too) see a different side to him and it was such a bonding experience for us. I know if I had had my mum or sister there, he would automatically have let them take charge and it would have been a very different experience.

Sorry I know its not exactly what you asked but I do think its worth thinking a lot about.

UniqueAndAmazing · 29/05/2013 10:38

my DH isn't assertive either. i would have spent all my time worrying about telling him what to say and do.
as it was, i had a fab assertive birth partner, too, and i didn't have to worry about DH. Just sent him off to play the piano.

I did get pissed off though that i had to keep interrupting myself to tell people what i wanted.
i even said "i wish you were all mind readers!"

Carolra · 29/05/2013 11:09

My hosp had a "partner plus one" rule - so only two people and one of them had to be your partner. I had a doula (best decision ever). But I think it said somewhere in the paperwork that if you had special requests for people attending the birth that they would do their best to accommodate extras...

I'm sure your partner and your sis will be fine! Good luck!!

notcitrus · 29/05/2013 11:46

I had 3 for my first birth - the hospital said that would be fine during the day, but if we ended up in a delivery suite overnight then there would be less space and a max of 2 would be allowed, and recommended only one stayed - two did and were fine. Also only one allowed in theatre if I needed a cs or procedure like ventouse that might lead to a cs, (which let to interpreting problems when MrNC left the recovery room to change out of scrubs and before other partner managed to get there).

What is true that no-one told me until I was about 8 months, is that shortly after birth you will generally go to the postnatal ward for a bit, possibly have to stay in, and no birth partner will be allowed at all - given there are up to 6 women and babies in a room, I can understand why once I thought about it, but it was a nasty shock at the time after all the pressure and expectation that your partner will share 'everything', except, in retrospect, the bit I really needed help with!

StarlightMcKenzie · 29/05/2013 11:50

Have the baby at home and you can have a whole cast at the birth, plus film crew and caterers!

aufaniae · 29/05/2013 16:19

"shortly after birth you will generally go to the postnatal ward for a bit, possibly have to stay in, and no birth partner will be allowed at all "

Do you mean at night? Both times I've given birth DP has come to the postnatal ward; partners have been allowed in till 9pm. Although last time no one bothered to tell visitors to leave (possibly because the ward was so short staffed?)

notcitrus · 29/05/2013 19:48

No visitors after 8 or before 10am in mine: first time I had a private room by luck and interpreter or DP stayed, second time it was near midnight so DP got 20 min to help me settle in, tying water bottle to the bed frame etc, before being politely but firmly ushered out.

I considered homebirth but had so many medical issues ,and builders in, that the hospital which had MLU on site seemed better. No regrets - the second time the care really was faultless.

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