fear of child birth

[happybebe]

i am now 35 weeks with my second DD, i had a good labour with my first, in a maternity unit with G&A, tens, water and finally a small dose of pethidine,lasted ten hours altogether, howver right at the end DD went into distress and they told me i wasnt pushing properly it was all a mad rush but i managed to push her out in the end.

i felt fine about this second labour until just recently. i have started thinking what if this baby is bigger and i could only just push DD1 out the first time. I seem to have lost all confidence in myself in regards to labour and now the thought of it makes me feel really panicky. not sure why i feel like this because lots of people say after your first the second labour is better, quicker, and you know what to expect. anyone else due their second and feeling the same or is this some mad hormone thing?

Hi happybebe, ok, you're not GF then, you have children! I was terrified with my second, I posted here loads about it and the best thing I can tell you is that I realised afterwards that all the worrying made no difference at all and I wish I'd realised that when I was pregnant second time and panicking, as I just didn't enjoy a minute of it because of it. The other thing was that my second labour WAS harder and I wonder if somehow my body knew that? Maybe, maybe not, all was well anyway. Second babies are often smaller and childbirth second time is almost always easier so I bet you'll be fine. I guess second time we all know what to expect which can be more terrifying than ignorance since childbirth isn't, on the whole, a picnic!

I was terrified when expecting my 2nd. The first labour/birth didn't go so well and ended in a section after a long labour (long in my book anyway!)
I insisted on a section for my 2nd birth, the consultant finally agreed at 36 weeks pregnant. I was angry I had waited so long and relieved at the same time.

do try homeopathy. find a good practitioner. it relly helped me with this for 2nd birth. changed my feelings about it and anxieties became manageable...

Oh btw, both mine were at home, only gas and air, no complications, all fine.

happybebe - you are experiencing the normal anxiety women feel when labour is approaching so try not to worry. As a midwife I remember that panic feeling myself. Be reassured that your body has done it once before and will be more efficient second time around. Your first baby has made the way for the next one so you will probably find that this second baby will come out more easily than first time round even if it is bigger. Try the water again and you may find that is enough. Water is really helpful and allows you to move around more. Pushing is much easier when you are in an upright position.
WWW is right, worrying won't help. Try to think positivley and believe in yourself. There is absolutely no reason why you should not have a good experience this time round

definately something blissful about the ignorance of first time round. Hope all goes well - my no 2 was easier than my first

thanks everyone sorry its taken me a long time to reply i went to bed! lol WWW i have one 14 month old girl thats just getting to the fun stage of doing whatever the hell she likes whilst i run around behind her going 'no! dont touch that! leave the cat alone!' i guess i am a lot more tired with this pregnancy too which isnt helping.

i really wanted a home birth this time round, thats how confident i was feeling, until a relief midwife told me two weeks ago that they wont give pethidine at home anymore. In my last labour about 3 hours before summer was born i real lost it and got very hysterical, to the point that the midwife wanted to transfer me 45 mins away to the hospital. it was either that or i had to have the pethidine as my daughter was getting distressed by my distress (and later when they broke my waters they were brown from her distress) so this time round i have decided to go to the maternity unit again, as even if i donthave the pethidine i would like to know its there.

i think i lost confidence in my midwives as well, there were three by the end of my labour and they decided they wanted to do an episiotomy. i really didnt want one of course but they were adament i needed one, and the midwife actually had the scissors in her hands about to do it when my daughter was born. No tears or anything. i didnt think anything of it at the time, but later i thought, i could have ended up with unnecessary stitches, i thought midwives knew what they were doing! probably an overreaction but still.

so all in all i am nervous this time round, am trying to plan things to give me more confidence such as taking essential oils lavender and chamomile, i have even done a tape i listen to at night whilst asleep telling me i will have a good labour!

i couldnt have a c section i am even more scared of that than of labour itself, same thing with epidurals, the thought of being numb like that...just not for me. i wish it was!

happybebe - I think it sounds like you're doing all the right things to prepare yourself.

If you had the presence of mind last time to refuse what you didn't want (e.g. episiotomy) then you'll certainly be able to do that this time. You may find you are treated differently anyway - I think second-time mums command a little more respect (sad but true) and are more likely to be listened to.

Good luck. I remember feeling panicy at about 35/36 weeks with both pregnancies but was just desperate to get the baby out by 40 weeks so was much more benign about the outcome.

that was it franke sadly i knew i didnt want an episiotemy but the three midwives wore me down saying if i didnt have it my baby would be even more distressed as i just wasnt able to push her out. so i was actually going to let them do it.

this time round though i have instructed my DH to make sure that i am allowed to make a proper decision if that arises again this time. especially if i have had pethidine.

Thats what dp/dh is there for - at each of my births I have asked the midwives to listen to my husband and told them he is the voice of reason when I have none!! As long as you and dh have discussed hopes and fears etc its a good time to let him deal with the midwives - after all your doing almost everything else!

If you are open-minded about these things, why not try and find a hypnotherapist who specialises in natal hypnotherapy? Replacing fear with confidence in your body is exactly what they are there for.
Or see www.natalhypnotherapy.co.uk if you can't find someone to see face-to-face - Maggie Howell's birth preparation CD can be used from 32 weeks.

Good luck!
Pinchy xxx

What about if you went to the doctors and got your own prescription for pethidine so all the midwife had to do was give it to you if you needed it? My friend did this and her mw was quite happy to do this.

happybebe think your concerns are normal. Have you talked through your first birth with the midwives , so that they can help you avoid a repetition of those feelings and assist you in getting the home birth you would prefer. I'm not surprised you are apprehensive, especially since it wasn't that long ago, but feeling that those around you understand can really help.

fwiw I had a fairly long, traumatic labour with ds, continuous monitoring with him in distress, ventouse delivery, episiotomy but followed by a nice controlled labour with dd, even though it was induced, no painrelief and a far more positive experience.

hth

i did ask midwife if i could order in pethidine but as they are community midwives their policy applys to all of them on not giving pethidine even if i supply it from doctor

to be honest havent really seen my midwives with this second pregnancy only about 4 times so hadnt really said anything to them other than i wanted a homebirth. i just am not brave enough to face labour without the pethidine, wish i was. i see the midwife again next week so will speak more to her then and meanwhile try to relax about the whole thing.

i think part of this worry is that i have my DD this time obviously the first time there was no one to worry about but me and i am nervous about anything going wrong and having to be away from her.

thanks for all your support ladies.