I read about women who say they demanded a CS, but I don't think I could do that; I get very tearful and embarrassed when I think about my reasons for fearing natural birth.
Right to start with you need to know this. Fear of a natural birth is not unusual. Its far more common than you think but extremely taboo. Several bits of research put the number of women who have severe fear at somewhere between 1 in 6 and 1 in 10 women. Thats extremely high.
So why are we all so embarrassed to talk about this and freely admit it?
The simple truth is probably to do with how closely giving birth is associated with 'being a woman'. To reject this is perceived as weak and unfeminine and going against 'the most natural thing in the world'.
Forgetting of course that the most natural thing in the world without the aid of modern day intervention, kills thousands of woman on a daily basis and throughout history has killed million.
When you think about it, it should actually be considered more weird to not be afraid! So please, please try and stop feeling guilty for having a reaction which is perfectly normal. If it upsets you that much, allow yourself to express it rather than bottling it up or pretending its not affecting you.
If you were in England or Wales, I'd be quoting the recent update to the NICE guidance about CS at you here, but because you are in Northern Ireland you have a bit more of a complex situation as NICE doesn't strictly apply to you. HOWEVER the good news is that the DHSSPS has recently endorsed NICE's recommendations (despite the efforts of the delightful Edwin Poots) Trouble is that how this is going to be implemented is yet to be seen as since the situation in England, where NICE applies, is still so shocking I wouldn't hold my breathe. However if you do come across obstacles or people saying that they don't this in NI, then you can quote that and say that NI should be doing the same as England and Wales.
In terms of getting a CS agreed in principle before getting pregnant - You may/may not be able to do this. I've seen a couple of women on here say they've managed it. I'm trying to, but... yeah well... my GP isn't exactly being helpful to say the very least (I'm in England).
So as it stands the only way you can guarantee a CS is to go private and pay for it. Which is decidedly unhelpful for anyone who lives outside London due to the lack of private maternity facilities.
Your age at 33, probably won't work in your favour for this. Its only after age 35, that the rates of intervention and CS start to increase and thats more the case for women who, unlike you, haven't had a child before.
The big thing for you though, is the fact you have previously had a CS. This alone gives you a bloody good case for a repeat CS as they should be discussing the risks of a VBAC with you. Which puts you in a good position to say you are unhappy with this risk and then therefore request a CS. You can't force them to give you a CS, but you do have a 'legitimate' case for a ELCS.
And finally for what its worth, despite whats been said about ELCS costing more than VBs (yes Mr Poots you arrogant fuckwit I'm looking at you), the truth is that NICE actually found that when they tried to do a cost analysis that when they started adding in the costs of complications they concluded that cost alone could not be used as an argument against a CS as the difference was small and impossible to accurately calculate. They basically felt it was a cost effective treatment from all the information they had available to them. So again don't feel guilty.
There is no need to justify how you feel. Just feel it, and try and deal with it in the best way you feel you can.