My HV was a REAL person - very much professional yet also humble-spirited and never bossy or interfering.
My first interaction involved early baby check where she noticed the start of eczema mixed with normal dry skin - I had just thought it was part of his dry and fragile skin so had only been using moisturiser. She arranged (with my permission) to see the GP who organised steroid cream which nipped it in the bud immediately.
The next encounter was at the 6 week check when I was on my knees with exhaustion. She gentle and unobtrusively suggested I might want to consider trying a sleep routine to differentiate between day and night more easily. I was sceptical as I thought anyhow routine-orientated would go against my "live each hour at a time" and "go with the flow" mentality, but I gave it a go and was amazed by how it immediately made a difference to DS's ability to settle and sleep. That was GOLD-DUST for us!
I also had problems with DS refusing to stop feeding and the HV once again very kindly suggested that he would be requiring comfort rather than actual food for a lot of his one on the breast, and offered helpful guidelines for how long I can expect to feed and how to offer comfort in a different way that might work instead.
It's no good saying that family can always be there to teach a new parent, as no-one in my family had a forceps delivery and ever experienced a baby with such bruising and tearing on his little head.
Likewise its not always straightforward to research yourself as the experts in literature often say different things - on the one hand saying that if a baby demands feeds morning noon and night then you have to give it no matter how debilitating to the Mum .... and on the other hand (another extreme) saying ignore a babies cry unless it's been 3 hours since the last feed!
When my DH had an accident involving taking DS to A&E, staff warned us hat they have to routinely inform GP/HV and that we can expect contact get we get home. If a person were to be paranoid then they'd have to include not attending A&E as staff have to share details with other agencies!!!!!
My HV followed up the incident with a phone call saying that she knew everything was ok with us, but has to call to just say that she's touched base with us as it is the policy. She was short and sweet, apologetic and by no means questioning, and it was entirely reasonable.
When it became evident that my DS had reflux (again, no one in my family or circle of friends had any experience of this to fall back on), my HV was quick to organise a prescription from the GP without my need to make an appointment. From what I've read about (silent) reflux his symptoms were very hidden and not particularly text-book so even if I had read up about it before giving birth it might not have been obvious. The prescription made a difference though and life was more bearable for everyone involved.... thanks to a very efficient HV!
It's like all walks in life - you get some people who excel at their jobs and others who are burnt out or just unsuitable for that line of work. I guess HV's are no exception to this norm. But if you were going to start getting paranoid about it then you'd never go to a hospital, bank, insurance company, shop or take a flight anywhere as rude and obstructive people are in all walks of life! Luckily not ALL of the people ALL of the time though 